Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it was my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
hailhall 0
hahha when my brother came home after boot camp he said dont come to my bed and shake me to wake up. if anything flick the light on and yell at me
wira176 2
I have the same experience but with my Dad. He practiced Silat throughout his youth and his sense of awareness is off the charts - one time I tried waking me up by shaking him he proceeded to knock my ass off the floor before fully waking up. Nowadays I just gently tickle his big toe but from a safe distance.
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Comments (91)
The_Walris 4
smooth
Bluejay1707 0
The first reaction after bootcamp and/or Deployment is to beat the "crap" outta the "jerk" that woke you up... Now then that being said... I'm sure she didn't mean it and she made it up to you later. Or at least that's what I do.
iFreaky 0
That's sexy.
Miss_gord 0
awwwww:( I'm sorry you were trying to be romantical&&it didn't work.. maybe you guys should come up with something so she knows it's you¬ someone trying to hurt her.lol.
magnata002 0
when my husband first got back from traing I took my arm off him and rolled over on my other side. he then proceeded to put me in a headlock punch the back of my head and then slam my head against the nightstand. he was asleep the entire time. sucks but they don't mean to hurt you.
cstwart 0
I have done stuff like that before. this morning my cat jumped on my leg while I was sleeping, I jumped up in bed with my knife in hand, in the army as well
s3xw4x 0
what does she do in the army that makes it to where she does that? I'm a grunt in the marine corps and I don't even do that when I someone wakes me up
ugwmii 0
u mad cause your woman is stronger than u lmao xD
snaketamer 0
being that im in the army i find that extremely sexy
camochick16 0
i like how ppl that arent in the military think that all the females are ugly:p
MissLynn34 11
It's because most of you are!!!
blackbarbiequen 0
Hilarious!! It sucks for the guy, but that's simply HILARIOUS!!