Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it was my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML
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Top comments
hailhall 0
hahha when my brother came home after boot camp he said dont come to my bed and shake me to wake up. if anything flick the light on and yell at me
wira176 2
I have the same experience but with my Dad. He practiced Silat throughout his youth and his sense of awareness is off the charts - one time I tried waking me up by shaking him he proceeded to knock my ass off the floor before fully waking up. Nowadays I just gently tickle his big toe but from a safe distance.
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Comments (91)
lostguy 0
wow, i want a girl like that XD
RugbyDuckHooah 0
Why is everybody saying this is awesome???
ZleveL 0
because it AWESOME
furrylala 0
LOLOL ! wow so in a way she cant actualy beat u up?
Vermelle 0
@17: The OP never says anything about that being a reaction from Basic. He just stated that his girlfriend is in the army. She could be part of the combat section that has been fighting in a war, and maybe part of the army for years. If you're trained to deal with people dying all around you and the citizens of a country you are staying in wanting you dead, would you call that an extreme reaction? Its just a survival instinct that some of them develop.
bskiddo_fml 3
women arent allowed in combat arms in ANY army, trust me ive been over there, the us army is changing that soon but to this day none are. so she wouldnt be in that "atmosphere"
Dixie19 0
68- wrong yes they may say not allowed in combat but there are women who go to Iraq or anywhere else for that matter and are in that "atmosphere". check yourself next time before you say something stupid.
24788 7
Oh god you must get raped in bed. Nice
cptnfrankie 0
AWESOME.
xXNancyXx 0
similar thing happened to me when i was young. My dad's in the air force, and when i was about 4 or 5, i snuck up behind him and tickled his feet. He instinctively proceeded to punch out.. the air. Thank God i was short =D
that_guy_you_are 0
That bitch will kill you in your sleep. GTFO, and quickly.
wax_soup 0
My perverted theory: i think girls that were in army dont have huge ****! O.o but got other advantages.. which i couldnt find ^^' still has an interesting "aura"
cassiesandra 0
not true my friend. I've been in the military and I have seen some back breakers. my husband is also military and he agrees.
RugbyDuckHooah 0
Will somebody please tell me why everybody keeps saying this is Awesome????