Love: Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of...

By Romantic - 15/01/2010 08:33 - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 119

You deserved it 4 132

Love

Taking stock

Our house, in the middle of our street

Not a fan

By Carrie_Chaos - 23/05/2016 20:16 - United States - Fresno

Today, I started dating my best friend, who is Hispanic. I told my family the good news and all my father had to say to me was, "I will allow you to date him, but you should really think about settling with someone your own kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 003

You deserved it 1 471

Take, is gift

By leaaaa 223 - 14/07/2020 23:01

Today, I woke up to yet another severed rat head next to my bed, which I have to dispose of yet again. Cats are seriously weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 285

Personality matters

By hjufidskndf - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people, "Why are you going out with such an ugly girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 851

You deserved it 4 145

By EyesofStone - 01/06/2016 01:03 - United States

Today, I decided to work on my social anxiety by ordering some food. I waited in line, practicing my order in my head all the way. When I got to the front, I said my order with no mistakes. The cashier just stared blankly at me until I mumbled, "Never mind..." and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 106

You deserved it 1 574

By susiedoggles - 05/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 945

You deserved it 292

By Anonymous - 05/01/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 141

You deserved it 4 568

By blink_kid - 10/08/2012 12:57 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, my boyfriend, who lives 100 miles away and whom I haven't seen in 2 months, told me he was visiting my city with some friends. I assumed this was an opening to an invitation, but no, he just asked me about the best places to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 612

You deserved it 3 219

By knife knife - 20/09/2016 00:38 - United Kingdom - Dalkeith

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 795

You deserved it 14 792

By lonelyguy321 - 27/07/2010 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 177

You deserved it 16 535

By jackpot - 09/05/2011 01:53 - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 405

You deserved it 3 008

By Pouya - 18/12/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, it was my first day as a promoted manager. I got fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 746

You deserved it 42 778

Oh lawd, he comin'

By logkitty - 10/04/2012 04:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gunpoint, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 532

You deserved it 12 780

By Anonymous - 27/06/2012 20:02 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I had an IUD put in two years ago that's supposed to prevent pregnancy. To put it in perspective, less than 1% of people using this IUD get pregnant. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 812

You deserved it 5 325

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 177

You deserved it 3 238

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 705

You deserved it 27 468

By Leslie - 30/12/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, my husband left me for one of the college students I was tutoring in Spanish. We have two kids and are expecting a third. He left a note that said he would "stay in touch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 074

You deserved it 2 817

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 16:37 - United States - Middletown

Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 765

You deserved it 4 983

Wise kid

By Anonymous - 23/11/2020 17:02

Today, I had to give my four year-old daughter some tough love, which I hate doing. When she ran away crying, my son, her twin brother, looked at me and said, "You should be ashamed of yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 374

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 06:27 - United States

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 278

You deserved it 3 102

By Anonymous - 28/02/2015 18:11 - United States - Portland

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 623

You deserved it 62 394

By Etta - 04/03/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, I stayed home from work, feeling ill. Come lunch time, I made myself some ramen noodles, thinking that the broth would feel good on my throat. Too bad I sneezed while carrying the bowl, dumping the boiling hot broth all down my front. The skin on my boob peeled away like tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 429

You deserved it 561

Jinx

By Anonymous - 15/08/2017 23:15

Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said "check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 4 796

By steve - 05/09/2012 08:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 010

You deserved it 5 329

By ididn'tevendoanythingwrong - 10/02/2015 18:05 - United States - Tampa

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 014

You deserved it 2 752

By I hate my brother - 20/03/2016 18:53 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I just came back from Afghanistan after a 9-month tour, and my brother asked, "How many towelheads did you kill?" He then acted offended when I smacked him upside the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 861

You deserved it 1 993

By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 23:44 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 456

You deserved it 5 870

By Neglected - 11/12/2013 19:06 - United States - Wimberley

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 048

You deserved it 6 225

By freaked out - 30/08/2012 08:04 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I discovered why my girlfriend is so obsessed with cutting my nails. She collects my clippings in a jar under her bed. She claims it will keep us together longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 176

You deserved it 2 566

By JTinNJ - 27/08/2016 11:57 - United States - Parsippany

Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 521

You deserved it 3 055

Wait til he Googles it

By what a fuckin idiot - 09/10/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend left in a rage. He went through my bathroom drawers and saw that I had Vagisil. He’s legitimately convinced that vagisil is used to treat STIs. Moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 680

You deserved it 165

Cake is everything

By Anonymous - 28/08/2020 01:08 - Australia - South Yarra

Today, at my maternal grandmother’s wake, I decided I deserved a piece of cake as it had been a hard day. I was serving myself a slice when my paternal grandma caught my eye from across the room, making a “fat face” at me. She called out, loudly, “You don’t need it Pudgy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 652

By unwed - 11/12/2010 06:56 - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 404

You deserved it 4 385

By CB4 - 05/02/2009 22:34 - United States

Today, I woke up to my car covered in shaving cream and tampons and the word CHEATER written on my windshield in lipstick. The guy a few doors down from me in my dorm has the same car as me. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 553

You deserved it 2 426

The more things change…

By J.O.S - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, airport security took away my 32$ eyelash curler, because it could be used as a weapon. I miss the '90s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 069

You deserved it 9 500

Miracles

By smyp - 24/12/2015 17:34 - Lithuania

Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 167

You deserved it 1 593

By Anonymous90 - 24/07/2010 23:59 - Canada

Today, I spent 100 dollars on lingerie. I put it on, walk out to the living room, and tell my boyfriend to follow me into the bedroom. He says no, and then pretends to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 794

You deserved it 6 453

By chlorobitch551 - 05/11/2014 16:54 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I overheard my dad telling his friends that the only way I'll ever sleep with a woman is with the help of Rohypnol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 772

You deserved it 2 881

By bdayboy - 11/01/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 295

You deserved it 2 822

By Anonymous - 07/10/2010 16:39 - United States

Today, my roommate and I invited a few girls over to our dorm for a small party. We started to play a drinking game, and I attempted to chug three beers in two minutes. My stomach wouldn't have that, and I spewed up bright red chunks everywhere and on everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 055

You deserved it 44 743

Remember me?

By sydthekid2000 - 23/03/2020 20:08

Today, I called my workplace to ask if I was going to be working, and if our store would be open. I was told that yes, we're still open, however, I can order inside, but I can’t sit in the dining room. They thought I was a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 248

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Top comments

skyeyez9 24

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Friday 15 January 2010 17:35

my husband tried to pull that shit on me once: Oh I invited some friends over so we need to get some more food. When he said "we" he really meant: I invited my friends over so I expect you to cook for them and clean up afterwards. What ever. He can cook for his own friends. I don't expect him to do that if I have my friends over our house.

perdix 29

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Friday 15 January 2010 17:54

Don't get any food -- just lay naked on your bed with your legs spread wide, and when everyone comes over, yell "Tuna tacos for everyone!" On second thought, you can buy a massive amount of Vienna Sausages and tell everyone that they are actual size replicas of your husband's dick. That'll show him!

BaGu_fml 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:06

hahaha, FYL. :D

CyclonePsycho 1

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Friday 15 January 2010 19:26

Hey, her significant other could have used pink bicycle pieces to get across the message because he couldn't afford roses. Don't judge.

FMLenV 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 20:24

If you're going to get picky about "pedals" you might as well get picky that it is supposed to be "pass" not "past". =/

digimon2000 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 20:32

well, you're wrong. it is actually 'past'

FMLenV 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 20:54

I'm right and wrong. Both work, I've just always been taught that pass was a reference to walk by something were as past was referred to time. Pass: to move past; go by: to pass another car on the road.

idkweird 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 20:57

Actually, it's still wrong as the statement is in the past tense. Pass does not fit at all.

idkweird 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 20:59

That was @ #67

A_LiST3RR 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 21:08

aww.. that's funny yet depressingg hahaa. xD i agree with #71, though, that would be a good ideaa

CyclonePsycho 1

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Saturday 16 January 2010 3:57

Hey, not being picky or anal. Just teasing the OP. (And where'd that other comment go?)

idkweird 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 18:20

pendatic: apparently, I was!

lelanatty 0

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Saturday 3 April 2010 16:39

pendatic, did you spell 'pedantic' wrong?

sara_3536 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

turdburgers 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:23

'tard

Druu 53

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Friday 28 June 2013 8:02

second*

lickmyjock 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:09

Well played, and sammichs well made. I hope.

DNC2008 1

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:10

whats the fml? i don't get it? it says woman so its her job

idrow 7

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:26

Nice comment. More proof that you can educate ignorance, but you can't fix stupid.

logic718 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:14

LMAO hahaha that sucks

Mzzangel 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:20

at least he let you know in a sweet manner. I wouldn't have been mad at all

joeyl1990 28

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Sunday 2 September 2018 20:29

You consider that sweet?

turdburgers 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:21

WTF is a rose pedal?

MacOSXpert 7

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Friday 15 January 2010 18:21

/Facepalm. Grammar Nazis on this site...

pegasus77 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 19:35

In this case, Spelling Nazis...

BeeSkwaird 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 22:26

I know a lot of people make jokes about the Nazis, so we can all do our best to overlook it. But there are survivors still alive today. It's too soon.

iwadasn 32

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Friday 15 January 2010 23:21

Are you a Nazi about the use of the word Nazi? ;)

Wierdo24 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:27

hahahaha well get off FML and get to work!

nonameLiz 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:27

OH! FUCKIN EPIC! how is this a FML???

BlueTwist89 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 16:35

Yea. I'm with #7. What's a rose pedal? Ohhh, you meant rose petal.

Maxine17 8

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Friday 15 January 2010 17:42

I can only imagine how people in Florida talk after the OP spelling petals as "pedals"

pegasus77 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 19:33

Its pretty bad, let me tell you from experience. The spelling here is horrible.

BeeSkwaird 0

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Friday 15 January 2010 22:28

Given how you spelled a simple word like "it's," I'm not surprised!

nrose1000 0

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Saturday 16 January 2010 4:03

SPELLING NAZI!!!! Seriously every1 cares about spelling and grammar here WTF do u think this is???? School mixed with burger king? srory bUt U [email protected] a7Wayz ahve ti ur wAy weN ti cOmS 2 sp3771nG!!!

DanielleTheOne 3

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Saturday 16 January 2010 10:58

LOL i know right!?! anyone get that weird email thing where all the spelling is totally stuffed and u could read it easy as pie?? I didnt even notice the mistakes because IM NOT LOOKING FOR THEM!!! as long as your not spelling like "Heyy Grls!! Lv yz tlk 2 yz l8rz" all the time then i dont care if u make mistakes!!!