Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML
Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML
Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend that I loved her and that I never wanted us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to go to the bathroom. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by cleaning the entire apartment before he came home. I even lit a candle and put fresh flowers on the table. When he walked in, he stared at everything and said, “Did someone come over?” My boyfriend thought a cleaning service had been hired. FML
Today, I bought my wife chocolates and a rose. When she got home, I told her I had a surprise but then I couldn’t find the chocolates or the rose anywhere in this frigging house, they were just gone. I had to pretend the surprise was going out for dinner but still, where the fuck did the rose go? FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend by cooking her dinner. I spent hours preparing and making sure everything was perfect. I lit candles, set the table, and even put on some soft music. When she came home, she'd already eaten and wasn't hungry. FML
Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML
Today, just so my family would think someone might actually be interested in me, I bought myself roses and attached a secret admirer card to them. My plan would have worked if I hadn't forgotten to take the receipt off the kitchen counter. FML
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Top comments
skyeyez9 25
my husband tried to pull that shit on me once: Oh I invited some friends over so we need to get some more food. When he said "we" he really meant: I invited my friends over so I expect you to cook for them and clean up afterwards. What ever. He can cook for his own friends. I don't expect him to do that if I have my friends over our house.
perdix 31
Don't get any food -- just lay naked on your bed with your legs spread wide, and when everyone comes over, yell "Tuna tacos for everyone!" On second thought, you can buy a massive amount of Vienna Sausages and tell everyone that they are actual size replicas of your husband's dick. That'll show him!
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Comments (129)
TwilightFalcon 0
Haha wow. I find this kind of funny and cute, but also kind of...upsetting? I don't know if that's the right word I'm looking for...but anyways, since you say "long day at work", I'm assuming you weren't in the mood to cook, so it's understandable how it's upsetting. But it's cute in the way that he's not...err loss of words...he's not being a complete ass about it. He got the roses and such, so I don't think it's completely horrible.
nadsm 0
idkweird: i agree with you, you have great perspective.
Conker37224 0
Ha, owned!
unababy123 0
wow peoples comments are so off topic. wtf.
bummervacation 10
now start making sammiches bitch! lmfao
jonator 0
that's genius fyl op tht sucks
dunicha 20
what a knob head your significant other is.
MileyCyrusIsHot 5
why were you out of the kitchen in the 1st place? oh snap
solostarr 0
haaaaahahaha
nickywink99 5
.... *petal