Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. Then I found another note on a can that said, "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML
Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML
Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML
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Top comments
WowLifeDoesSuck 0
Wow, kids are getting smarter.
mastercrammer 0
You should feel lucky to have a smart daughter who really cares about you.
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Comments (862)
justjayit 0
#53. This. Just stop yourself every time you're about to drink. Do it for you and for your daughter, or else you'll just feel more and more like shit for letting it get worse.
LifeSux19 0
Thats so smart. When I was younger, me and my sister use to put toothpaste in my fathers beer.
Tehalon 0
You should switch from alcohol to GHB, the effects are the same but no hang over ;D (in small print: Side affects are death if you go cold turkey tho)
fillmyheart028 0
Stop drinking. Simple.
ell3x0 0
i have an alcoholic mother and i know how hard it is to be a kid in that situation. please get help. thats not fair ):
reggiecide0 0
Your daughter cares about you. And she's "worried" about it. You should take it more seriously.
iceman_fml 0
My dad drank everyday for as long as i can remember...but he wasnt ever abusive, angry, mean, or anything negative for that matter..he never drank enough to get himself drunk (which ive only seen once, but it was a party that he attended)..for those of you that are saying he isnt a good father or anything like that..you shouldnt judge so quickly..he may be the greatest father to her..my dad was a great father..i would never critisize him for drinking..so guy that posted this..unless you are a complete ******** towards your family or just dont know when enough is enough..dont worry about it..she is 7..wait till she is a teenager and then you may have to do the same thing to her..
swim1650 0
just wondering.....did you end up drinking it or not?
chalkdust 4
Your poor kid is having to grow up way too fast. Sound like she has a better head on her shoulders than you do, maybe you should listen to her.
heynow09 0
botttom line this is pathetic you shouldnt be a parent