Health: Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes...

By parkoursam - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

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parkoursam tells us more :

Thanks for the advice lol

Health

BO Central

Backwards world

Rock and a hard place

By grrr1234

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML

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By Wow - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

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By Anonymous

Pills, thrills and bellyaches

Today, I came home from surgery to remove my tonsils. It's a much better surgery to have as a kid, because when you get older it's much more painful. I didn't know my mom liked pain killers. I do now, because I have none left and I haven't even taken any yet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fresno

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the toilet at my apartment still hasn't been fixed. I have to straddle the bathtub for number 1's and go to Walmart for 2's. FML

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By broke - United States

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

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By Amy - United States

Not now, Kelsey

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

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By Workworkwork

Today, I’m trying to scrape $65 together to get the cheapest glasses possible. My partner is equally upset because she wants a Macbook to replace her working laptop. I’m only looking because I’m getting headaches from how old my current lenses are. FML

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By PieterseMJ - South Africa - Sandton

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a customer tried to return some pricey lingerie. She said she didn't have the packaging, but had never worn them. The skidmark I accidentally touched begged to differ. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Trenton

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to tell her something important. Coincidentally, she did too. She wanted to tell me that she thinks she's actually gay. I wanted to tell her I love her. FML

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By flyingpuppy - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my husband has decided to grow a mullet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dublin

Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML

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By Anon - United States

Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML

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By applesmama - United States

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

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By ~JESSICA~ - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

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By Brunette, small breasts - Romania - Campina

Today, I decided to finally talk to my crush. I said "hello" to which he replied "first, dye your hair blonde and grow some boobs, then we can talk business." FML

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By Burny

Today, my partner took a shower while in the middle of cooking something. My eyes are still burning from the smoke. FML

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By Ricky - Canada

Today, I was working at Old Navy. A girl came up to me and did a bizarre dance. Not knowing how to react, I imitated her to be friendly with the customer. Then she stopped cold. Her friend stormed up to me and yelled, "you jerk! Why are you mocking her? She has tourettes you know!" FML

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By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 02:02

Father, you mean father

Today, I found out wife has two baby daddies for our two kids. I’m neither one’s baby daddy. FML

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By pissedoff - United States - Benton

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

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By send help

Help!

Today, at the Japanese restaurant I work for, we have 95 reservations and three servers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML

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By BlueB - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

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By that guy - United States - Atascadero

Today, my girlfriend told her parents that she's pregnant. We have never even come close to having sex, but she told them I'm the father. Not only is my girlfriend cheating on me, but her father now wants me dead. FML

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By Ew?Really? - United States - Montrose

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Two hours later I get a text from my ex announcing he has just been diagnosed with chlamydia. I now have to explain this to my fiancé. FML

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By broussimousse - United Kingdom

On the run

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

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By anon - United States - Dublin

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

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By Suprise - United States

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

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By mainlaw - Ireland

Today, I found out that just because you're drunk, it doesn't make it okay to call your mother-in-law a fat slag. However, it does make it okay for your wife to knee you in the snow globes. FML

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By WrongPlaceWrongTime - France

Today, my girlfriend came to my workplace to tell me she was breaking up with me. My boss, who was passing by, fired me for "chatting with friends" during work hours. FML

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By stepshart - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

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By Unlucky - United States

Today, as I got up from the couch, my computer, which was next to me, fell on to my pinky toe. It fell just so that the edge of it cut my toe open. I cursed, and hobbled toward the bathroom to get a bandage. As I'm going into the bathroom, I stub said toe on the door jamb. FML

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By ilovepancakes - United States - Rolling Meadows

Today, after talking to the man whose car I scratched, we agreed that the damages and cost of repair were so low and instead of me paying I just buy him coffee. When I showed up he saw me, decided I was too ugly to have coffee with, and instead demanded full payment in cash. FML

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By Velian - France

Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my grandmother loudly announced that she has a yeast infection. Under her breast. She attempted to show me. FML

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By ChaoticGamer - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, my class went to Berlin. At the subway station, our teacher told us to get on the next train. I was the first one to get on and the only one who didn't hear her saying: 'Wait, that's the wrong one!' I'm lost in a city I've never been before. FML

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Top comments

By shiffizzle | 13

#6228271 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:37

Your doctor is hilarious. I would've died laughing, especially since he already knew what happened. That's awesome

By TheGreastest | 24

#6228257 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:33

your doctor knew.. lol

COMMENTS

By TheGreastest | 24

#6228257 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:33

your doctor knew.. lol

rossea | 21

#6228420 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 3:49

OP how can you stand shaving down there? It makes it so itchy!

R3TROxLOV3 | 32

#6228432 - Wednesday 11 March 2015 4:06

44, it's only itchy if you do it wrong. I'd personally never ever ever ever wax there. having someone rip the hair of my vagina out by the roots? I'm good.