Health: Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 54

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 143

10/03/2015 16:45

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 463

You deserved it 7 215

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 23:48

Thanks for the advice lol

Our house, in the middle of our street

Beggars can be choosers

Baby you can drive my car

07/10/2009 04:39

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 234

You deserved it 39 124

11/12/2008 12:21

Today, my son laughed at me when I tried to get him to put a bit more effort into his schoolwork. His grandmother had kindly given him all my shitty school reports from when I was his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 954

You deserved it 7 528

07/05/2011 21:42

Today, I was walking through my kitchen when I discovered a weak spot in the floor. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to fix the giant hole caused when I put my foot through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 392

You deserved it 4 792

10/10/2010 20:29

Spicy

Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 709

You deserved it 9 234

26/09/2016 18:02

Today, during a regular checkup at the dentist, I got a wisdom tooth pulled out which resulted in me looking like a fat hamster. Tomorrow is my first day as an English teacher in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 000

You deserved it 1 256

30/07/2014 06:51

Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 118

You deserved it 5 266

03/05/2018 01:30

Today, I was working at Subway when a middle-aged lady demanded that I give her a sandwich for free. When I refused, she took out a spray bottle of water and sprayed me in the face, like a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 544

You deserved it 261

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 24/09/2021 11:00

Today, I'm in hell. I'm mentally and physically exhausted, but if I sleep more than 6 hours, I get crippling migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 58

04/09/2017 23:15

Today, once again, my boss posted a selfie with a Snapchat filter on the company's Facebook page. She doesn't see how it's unprofessional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 173

You deserved it 242

15/10/2014 04:55

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 109

You deserved it 3 606

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 05:03

Today, I started the internship of my dreams. The company has nothing for me to do, so I sit and stare at the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 93

23/06/2013 04:10

Today, while working the graveyard shift at my hotel, it felt a little chilly, so I grabbed a blanket out of the box we usually store old blankets in. 20 minutes later, the live-in maintenance man casually remarked that those blankets are all infected with bed-bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 948

You deserved it 7 237

18/06/2018 15:00

Today, my new neighbors moved in across the street. Also today, they began to park at the end of my driveway. Not used to a car being there, I backed out and promptly hit it. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 280

You deserved it 1 103

10/12/2011 06:28

Today, I had to jump into my car while it was still moving. Apparently, just because you put it in park and turn it off, doesn't mean it won't take off towards a ditch without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 967

You deserved it 8 795

10/10/2014 19:12

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 010

You deserved it 3 507

15/09/2013 07:53

Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 336

You deserved it 4 490

21/02/2011 21:07

Today, I finally taught my mom how to text message people. Now I get a message from her every 30 seconds saying "Hi". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 330

You deserved it 15 806

23/11/2013 23:45

Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 331

You deserved it 3 277

15/09/2009 23:39

Today, at my cashier job, I got written up for accepting obviously photocopied coupons. Last week, I got written up for "inadequate customer service" because I refused to accept the same bogus coupons from the same customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 546

You deserved it 2 418

20/09/2011 14:56

Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 376

You deserved it 3 197

Since when has that been there?

By Michelle - 19/12/2020 08:01

Today, I thought something was wrong with my car battery because my dashboard lights were really low. I paid $77 to find out the dimmer switch was turned down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 753

02/01/2010 22:27

Today, my mom informed me that my entire family puts their dirty towels on the towel rack in the bathroom instead of the hamper. I've been using their dirty towels after showers for as long as I remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 066

You deserved it 6 460

16/10/2015 00:57

Today, my husband finally admitted that he squandered the last three months of my share of the rent on booze. He then blamed me, demanded more money, asked for a divorce, and stormed out. When he returned he asked, "How am I the bad guy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 499

You deserved it 2 246

19/06/2012 22:16

Spicy

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 364

You deserved it 3 292

19/01/2011 11:05

Today, I worked out that if I paid the minimum monthly amount on my student loans, I'd be paying them until I'm 65. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 672

You deserved it 5 758

28/05/2013 16:51

Today, I confessed to my girlfriend that I cheated on her. She told me that she needed time to think, and left. An hour later, her dad came by with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 185

You deserved it 146 631

26/05/2009 17:45

Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 995

You deserved it 4 157

Thank God it's Monday tomorrow

By Chandra - 12/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had to pee at work. I ended up using all the toilet paper. When I opened the door to leave, a dude was waiting to use the washroom. I told him there was no more toilet paper. He goes, “You finished all of it?” I panicked and said, “No, I didn’t use any!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 568

Furry

By Anonymous - 04/06/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, my boss fired me because someone hacked our website and replaced pictures of our products with furry porn (don’t Google it, it’s weird as fuck). We don’t have an IT department, but since I spend the most time on the computer controlling stock and purchases, he blamed me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 472

You deserved it 139

31/08/2011 17:06

Today, I noticed a young child wandering out onto a busy street. I managed to grab his arm just as he stepped off the sidewalk and yank him away from almost certain death. My reward was his mother, who was on her cell phone the whole time, screaming at me for touching her child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 136

You deserved it 2 520

14/02/2009 17:35

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 378

You deserved it 3 997

24/01/2009 14:53

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when i'm drunk. I asked, "what about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 839

You deserved it 3 781

20/03/2009 20:40

Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 244

You deserved it 8 255

26/07/2019 21:00

Today, I'm a week into a prescription of extremely constipating antibiotics. I also just caught the stomach bug going around at work that causes aggressive diarrhea. The two combined mean I have a constant, slow-moving stream of thick, foul-smelling sludge coming out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 957

You deserved it 141

06/03/2009 00:51

Today, I was supposed to see an apartment. 30 minutes after I was to meet the owner, she still hadn't shown. I called her. When I got no response, I was annoyed and kept calling. Finally, she answered, said, "I'm in the hospital with my father. He just died. Please stop calling me," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 975

You deserved it 21 409

17/12/2009 17:49

Today, I found that my Facebook account had been hacked, and all my friends were deleted. As I tried to add them all back, Facebook reported me as a hacker for adding too many people too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 447

You deserved it 3 700

22/04/2011 01:53

Today, in order to avoid seeing my ex-girlfriend in class, I changed my schedule for "personal reasons." Apparently she had the same idea and changed her schedule as well. We now have all the same classes together. Before, we had just two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 300

You deserved it 9 743

16/10/2015 16:03

Today, I had to explain to a police officer that I wasn't drunk and had swerved because I was eating pie and almost dropped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 187

You deserved it 21 262

20/09/2012 14:58

Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 539

You deserved it 2 877

20/10/2016 13:17

Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 274

You deserved it 1 117

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:37

Your doctor is hilarious. I would've died laughing, especially since he already knew what happened. That's awesome

TheGreastest 24

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:33

your doctor knew.. lol

Comments

TheGreastest 24

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:33

your doctor knew.. lol

rossea 21

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 3:49

OP how can you stand shaving down there? It makes it so itchy!

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 4:06

44, it's only itchy if you do it wrong. I'd personally never ever ever ever wax there. having someone rip the hair of my vagina out by the roots? I'm good.

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 7:51

It's actually not as painful as most people think

hopelessfrantic 9

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 9:06

Actually it's agony!

ZorroRooster 19

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Friday 13 March 2015 3:17

I've never had any issues with it.

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:35

Don't shave your pubes before a doctors appointment then. Lol.

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 22:50

Seriously guys? It was a joke...

ihaveasushicat 24

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:36

Did he really say "dicken pox"...?

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Thursday 12 March 2015 0:05

Probably. He prescribed shaving cream; he must've given some "diagnosis."

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:37

Your doctor is hilarious. I would've died laughing, especially since he already knew what happened. That's awesome

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 7:31

Op should have invited the doctor to his next game of sarcastiball.

NinjaBoyDavido 13

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:38

That's hilarious, hope you're ok though. :)

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:39

Dick in a box?

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 1:43

That's my favourite Justin Timberlake song :)

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 5:19

@29 its The Lonly Island ft. Justin Timberlake… not the other way around

watermelon15 35

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:39

Your doctor has a good sense of humor

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:39

haha doc with the zinger

Mynamewontfi 40

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:39

Your doctor sounds pretty awesome.

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Wednesday 11 March 2015 0:40

That's too funny,At least your doctor has a sence of humor...