Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. Then I found another note on a can that said, "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML
Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML
Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML
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Top comments
WowLifeDoesSuck 0
Wow, kids are getting smarter.
mastercrammer 0
You should feel lucky to have a smart daughter who really cares about you.
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Comments (862)
Kitten125 0
Your daughter is smart. Listen to her, you have a serious problem. My dad is a drunk and I hate his guts because he's destroying his own life and the lives of others around him. Do you really want to end up like that? YDI.
dave2001soa 0
Everyone should really stop assuming that he's some horrible alcoholic from that one single listing. Maybe he has one beer a night, which isn't dangerous by anyone's definition, but still worries his daughter because she's at the age where she thinks even a single drop of alcohol is dangerous. Not excusing him if he actually is an alcoholic, but assuming he is one is a stretch.
zap_fml 0
If you do have a drinking problem, get help. If not for your own sake, at least your daughters. She'll have a lot more respect for you, cause I can guarentee if you carry on drinking a lot she'll lose all the respect she has for you. I'm not lecturing, but I know where your daughter's coming from. Just listen to her.
natiboom 0
OMG #5 is hilarious
tyler1 0
thats ******* cute, but your a ******* douchebag
fail_truck 0
She's going to have daddy issues and become a ***** if you don't stop drinking. It's been scientifically proven.
CelestialTala 0
you should definitely listen to her
may_cause_fail 0
How did your daughter get to be so awesome when she has such a horrible parent?
Floatout2sea 0
You know it's time to go to AA when your seven year old is the one who gave you your intervention.
mehwhateverr 0
FYL? FHL. "Today I tried to get mommy to stop drinking...she loves her alcohol more than me. FML"