Miscellaneous: Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When...

By Jonnygiant - 14/03/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 218

You deserved it 69 925

Miscellaneous

The smell detective is on the case

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

What did I say, Roy?

By wendtinmypants - 31/05/2014 15:05 - United States - Omaha

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 840

You deserved it 9 183

By fuck - 16/12/2014 21:04 - Norway - Slemmestad

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 459

You deserved it 37 275

By Anonymous - 28/09/2015 09:01 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 841

You deserved it 4 660

He who smelled it…

By Anonymous - 31/01/2015 15:08 - United States - Venus

Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 913

You deserved it 2 683

Game of Nope

By no no no - 23/07/2017 20:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 921

You deserved it 576

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 08:00 - Spain

Today, my seasonal allergies started. Most annoying thing by far this allergy season? I only get the urge to sneeze when I have food in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 541

You deserved it 1 767

By augiedd - 05/03/2014 02:46 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 752

You deserved it 7 434

By zetuga - 01/04/2015 07:40 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 412

You deserved it 5 334

By BahHumbug - 27/12/2015 05:18 - United States - Painesville

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 930

You deserved it 7 837

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 23:09 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of a month has a new girlfriend. That girl is my cousin, the same one who's been listening to my tears fall as I've confided my feelings to her for the past few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 560

You deserved it 2 598

You tried!

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 00:30 - Germany

Today, my mom, not gifted for household chores, proudly announced that she cleaned the toilet. As it turns out, what she'd primarily cleaned was the deodorizer inside the toilet. Then she tried for the stains inside the bowl, unsuccessfully, then she gave up. But yeah, great job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 77

By SnurklesMcGee - 12/02/2016 22:08 - Canada

Today, I learned I don't have to spend Valentine's Day alone. My parents invited me along on their date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 537

You deserved it 1 990

By scorned_jacketless_lady - 26/08/2013 04:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 258

You deserved it 16 545

Home invasion

By Brad - 05/07/2020 20:01

Today, I woke up and got out of my room to find two pit bulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 101

By Courtney - 21/07/2011 09:54 - United States

Today, I found out my grandmother has severe road rage after she complained about Pennsylvania drivers for over an hour, then decided to rear end one because he wouldn't get out of her way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 911

You deserved it 2 726

Home to roost

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 00:30

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling several people that my fiancé and I will be moving into her house for the foreseeable future. All because we're moving to a city close by for jobs and are still searching for housing. I found this out from several of the people she told. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 85

For real though?

By Anonymous - 15/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Parkesburg

Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 341

You deserved it 648

Drugs

By madela - 28/10/2020 07:56

Today, my daughter admitted that she sometimes forgets her own name upon waking. She’s 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 120

By pizzafreak18 - 21/06/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I went into the store where my boyfriend works. I saw him talking to a customer, his back was facing me, so I went up and smacked his butt. Turns out it wasn't him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 052

You deserved it 54 846

Transference

By KayBee - 30/01/2021 02:00

Today, my psychiatrist of 6 years suddenly and out of nowhere told me I need to see someone else. She gave me the equivalent of the "it's not you it's me' speech." Actually her assistant told me via email. I basically got broken up with by someone I was paying a lot of money to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 94

By theawesome129 - 24/03/2013 10:20 - Canada

Today, I finally came out to my family as a lesbian. My grandma then told me I'm just going through a phase because I finally realized I'm not pretty or skinny enough to get a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 555

You deserved it 7 198

By me - 11/11/2015 17:10 - United States - Providence

Today, my girlfriend informed me that we aren't officially dating until she changes her relationship status. We've been "dating" for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 143

You deserved it 1 851

By Spider fail - 31/05/2016 19:06 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I had a dream that I was swinging through New York City as my favorite hero, Spider-Man. I was almost immediately beaten to death by a mugger. I suck even in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 677

You deserved it 1 061

By Anonymous - 14/01/2010 22:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 642

You deserved it 5 032

By UnfortunateGirly - 26/02/2010 08:30 - Australia

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 217

You deserved it 6 355

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 19:50 - United States - Powell

Today, after having multiple dreams where I have a daughter with my boyfriend, I'm now emotionally attached to a child who isn't real, and I get depressed when I can't be with her in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 812

You deserved it 9 094

Malding

By ptwm - 25/01/2010 20:10 - United States

Today, while vainly running a comb through my balding hair, I noticed a hair sticking out of my nose. I yanked it out, and the pain made me tear up a little. It was an inch long. I'm 24 and beginning to have more hair in my nose than on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 552

You deserved it 2 921

Get off my lawn!

By Anonymous - 29/08/2020 14:09

Today, the police came to my house and arrested me. Why? The neighborhood kids thought it would be fun to hide behind my house and shoot at people with paintball guns. People saw it coming from my house and called the police. I was fired from work, due to missing it without notice. No excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 86

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 022

You deserved it 4 519

By ohshit - 29/03/2011 00:31 - Canada

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 249

You deserved it 8 331

By Jamestown of Vagina - 13/09/2014 14:36 - United States - Houston

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 600

You deserved it 3 709

By Jaclk - 24/04/2012 21:28 - United States - Needham

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 841

You deserved it 19 734

recoils in horror

By Anonymous - 07/11/2017 06:00

Today, I am violently allergic to my boyfriend's new hand cream. I know this because after last night's quickie on the sofa, I now have a rash all over my skin and weeping sores inside my vagina and around my bum hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 591

You deserved it 841

By Anonymous - 02/02/2012 18:07 - India

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 450

You deserved it 25 935

By Anonymous - 09/04/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 099

You deserved it 3 579

By Anonymous - 17/05/2014 19:33 - United States - Fresno

Today, my 15-year-old son told me that he and his new girlfriend are deeply in love and are meant for each other. The "girlfriend" in question? My fiancé's 12-year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 451

You deserved it 5 754

By Anonymous - 17/08/2018 03:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking up sexy clothes for me to wear while role-playing. I saw something I liked and asked him if we should get it. When he saw the model wearing it in the picture, he asked "Does it come with the girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 305

You deserved it 719

By dickhead - 10/04/2015 22:17 - United States

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 098

You deserved it 3 376

By Anonymous - 11/05/2014 22:49 - United States - Belmont

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 220

You deserved it 5 409

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 10:48 - Canada

Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 584

You deserved it 71 722

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Top comments

jarofarts 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 9:53

that's probably more embarrassing for your mom than for you.

CowGoesMoo 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 9:55

I'm tired of these fake ones. Yes, 20 women get together and are DEAD SILENT when doing so. I mean, I would believe it if you said maybe 5 or 6, but 20 women/people? Near impossible to miss. Unless you are deaf. In which case, that is possible and that really sucks/is embarrassing.

jarofarts 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 9:53

that's probably more embarrassing for your mom than for you.

varkey 7

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Saturday 10 April 2010 2:33

not really... i'm sure she's seen him naked as a little kid although in the social context, maybe as now every time she meets her friends she remembers what her son (OP) showed them... haha but everytime the OP meets his mom's friends it would be even worse for him... so idk

iamajew 0

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Friday 18 June 2010 22:05

no, for her bcuz op has a chode

binger_gitch 12

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Monday 31 March 2014 0:27

I don't know why you would do that, I still close the door going to the bathroom when I'm home alone OP. :p

CowGoesMoo 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 9:55

Pebblezz 2

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Sunday 15 August 2010 11:20

not realy he did say bookclub so they could have been reading

livin_plur 0

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Friday 6 May 2011 7:48

exaggeration makes the story that much more interesting to read

Bcfrmkc816 17

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Friday 5 August 2011 16:25

and at sinner time eating what did she have salad for twenty people?

mcluvinjackson 0

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Friday 11 May 2012 1:08

You don't read at most book clubs.. You read a predetermined amount of the books in your own time and then meet like once a week to discuss the reading.

Nan_fml 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 10:08

Agree with #2.... you didn't hear ANYTHING as you were coming down the stairs? I mean, I could see if you opened the door and took a couple steps out and someone was near enough to see you right then- but to go all the way downstairs and not hear anything? C'mon, I'm a woman, I know how much we love to talk.

alex_vik 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 10:12

#2 - Showers are loud, and they might not like to talk while eating.

luccamosart 0

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Saturday 12 June 2010 19:27

I luv showers and op same thing happened to me last week but it was Like 6 woman in there 30s anyway it's not that bad u probally are complaining because u have a small dick

hamburgerjung 23

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Thursday 2 April 2015 13:22

Judging by your comment I think it's more likely you're the one with the small dick...

mikuxxhatsune 31

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Friday 9 October 2015 13:20

But you would still here some noise. An empty house is almost silent apart from your footsteps and clocks ticking. He would have heard clinking of cutlery and normally dinners aren't dead silent so probably some talking.

commonsense31 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 10:17

You couldn't just roam around the second floor naked that wasn't good enough? Don't worry those woman have probably seen more dicks than you can imagine