Love: Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front... - FML

By killmenow - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

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Messed up

Walk on the wild side

Dangling modifier

By Anonymous - Canada - Tatamagouche

Today, I was singing in the shower, not realising the window was open. When I got out, the neighbours were at the front door, loudly arguing with my mother. They were complaining about my awful singing. FML

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By elo - France

Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Silverdale

Today, I tore my ACL while doing physical therapy that's supposed to keep me from tearing my ACL. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

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By Jeff - United States

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I bought a rather unique shirt for my boyfriend, planning to give it to him for Christmas. He showed up wearing the same shirt. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 23:10

Bit on the side

Today, I have been talking to someone for the past 9 months. He always said he could never give me a relationship. But he loves me. He finally told me it’s because he’s been with someone for 3 years and I’m basically the side chick he fell in love with. FML

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By lonelyniceguy - United States

Today, my sister's boyfriend came over to the house. I thought I would be nice and cook them both a dinner along with my own. Mine took a little longer to cook, so they ate before me and went back to her bedroom. I ate alone to the sound of them having fun. FML

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By Meghan Elise

Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML

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By fucklife - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got a promotion because my boss “accidentally” had sex with my wife. FML

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By blondie101 - United States

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

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By JTinNJ - United States - Parsippany

Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML

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By Stressed dad

Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML

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By Jayswizzle - United States

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well I pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can't look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I'm a swimmer. FML

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By seablue - United States

Today, I wrote a poem for this guy I am falling for. Before telling him that I wrote it, he read it and then laughed at how "corny and stupid" it was because he would "never date someone who could come up with something that lame." The poem was about how vulnerable he makes me feel. FML

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By charlie043 - United States

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my sister and I bought new cell phones. We both wanted the same phone in red, but the guy told us that there was only one red phone left. Flirting with him, I said "You should give the prettier sister the red phone." My new phone is black. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

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By JSterl - United States

Today, our airplane was delayed because of issues with the de-ice-ing. Then, because it had too little fuel. Then, because of engine troubles. Then, because our first officer needed to be replaced due to legal restrictions on pilots' hours. Now, I get to go straight from the plane to work. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text that said, "I can't be seen with you anymore. You're too fat." FML

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By Brad - 5/7/2020 20:01

Home invasion

Today, I woke up and got out of my room to find two pit bulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

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By seriously? - United States - Manassas

Today, I discovered that my dad still doesn't consider my career as an app developer a "real job". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a UTI. After, taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

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By Anonymous - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

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By otter - United States

Bad pig!

Today, my potbellied pig ate my neighbor's award-winning flower garden, that she has been growing for almost three years. She'd told me that she was bringing the judges of the competition, in which she was in line to win $300, to her house in two days. I have yet to tell her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my teacher announced that he'd be out for a week because he was going to Vegas. I happily said, "Woo hoo!" Then he finished his sentence by telling me it was because his dad had died. FML

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By hahasuckit - United States

Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled "Yeah right." in front of everyone. FML

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By BadFather - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

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By Nykole McAllister - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was talking to a nice guy on a dating app and we exchanged numbers. Later, I got a call. It was his wife asking me to stop talking to her husband. FML

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By anonymous

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year because I discovered she had been cheating on me. Her defense was, "It wouldn't be a problem if you were just OK with this." FML

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By mags - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML

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By Brunofk7 - Peru - Lima

Today, I made a multiple choice exam so my friend could practice and get a good grade on his real exam. While I was helping him finish it, the teacher saw it, thought we were cheating and failed us both. FML

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By xnickx - United States

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met up with my group for class. We were doing some final checks on the project we've been working on all semester, when I realized something about one guy's work seemed off. I googled it and found out it's almost completely plagiarized. It's all due in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland

Today, I ate lunch alone. None of my colleagues saved me a seat. One of those colleagues was my husband. He didn't even have the decency to move so that I wouldn't have to eat alone. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML

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By - United States

Today, I learned that not only is my husband having an affair with my own mother, but my whole family knew. They were keeping it a secret from me for 3 months. FML

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By paige - United States

Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

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By

Today, I finally received my new computer in the mail. I was so excited, I kissed the box. The truck driver definitely noticed. FML

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Top comments

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6476495 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:45

It's just your mating call

By Kinglue | 17

#6476512 - Thursday 3 December 2015 18:01

Hey it's ok... At least you didn't shit yourself...

COMMENTS

By ccameron12 | 21

#6476494 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:45

Maybe he thought it was funny?

Reply

Bloodmorphed | 7

#6476745 - Thursday 3 December 2015 21:53

not sure why this was down voted. i would laugh if this happened.

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6476495 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:45

It's just your mating call

Reply

derangedplanet | 23

#6476517 - Thursday 3 December 2015 18:10

I now want to see teens start this up. all just burping in each other's faces... God it would be so beautiful. just ambling around burping....*sigh* dreams

Reply

Kinglue | 17

#6476521 - Thursday 3 December 2015 18:14

That also include whale calls coming from their stomach

By ComoEsJuan | 24

#6476497 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:47

That's extremely impressive.

Reply

tantanpanda | 26

#6476667 - Thursday 3 December 2015 20:08

Tbh, most guys don't care if others burp in public and we don't demand an "excuse me" for it either.

By KendraLaine | 18

#6476498 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:48

Maybe he's a strong believer of the saying "better out than in"?

By jake131000 | 21

#6476500 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By l4urenz | 23

#6476502 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:51

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By darksoul43 | 11

#6476503 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:53

Perhaps he found it cute. Not many girls want to look kind of clumsy. I'll just hope he's one of those guys.

Reply

bandaidstations | 28

#6476704 - Thursday 3 December 2015 20:58

I find that many girls think that acting klutzy and ditsy will make guys think they're cute. It's disgusting. Burping isn't really a clumsy thing though...

By ww431 | 15

#6476505 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:53

Hopefully you played it cool and laughed it off! Not a laugh/burp though!

Reply

corky1992 | 33

#6476553 - Thursday 3 December 2015 18:29

Since she's posting about it on here I highly doubt she played it cool lol.

By nonsensical | 26

#6476506 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:55

I feel like that's something anyone would laugh at hahaha, you can both laugh until you get tears in your eyes at the super random incident--and now you'll always have that memory you shared together! It was an icebreaker!

By PotatosRGud | 13

#6476507 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:56

Maybe he'll be impressed...?