Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front... - FML

By killmenow - 3/12/2015 05:33 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

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Hello everyone!

A beautiful truck decoration

Creepy

By anonymous - 26/3/2015 03:43 - United States

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

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By thermos - 3/2/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

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By PartyPooper - 18/9/2018 03:00 - Netherlands

Today, I attended my graduation ceremony. My parents acted mysteriously and kept urging me to go home, since we had to be "on time" for something. Thinking they might have planned a surprise party, I left my friends behind. I missed my graduation because my mom wanted to watch a TV show. FML

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By Sal - 3/3/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2013 23:13 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

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By freed - 29/1/2014 05:13 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2017 23:46

Today, I had to do an assignment about my greatest achievement and about an award I've received. I don't have either. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2013 03:36 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

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By JAMjessie - 20/9/2016 16:54 - United States

Today, I found out that my boss's ex-husband is my company manager. They are one office space apart and constantly shouting about one another. I'm in that one office space between them. In the office across from me? Their daughter. FML

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By crossl17 - 12/11/2018 15:30

Today, I bought a new $10,000 car since my old one broke down. Today, I also found out the old one wasn’t starting because i never had it in park. FML

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By cutiekenz21 - 31/7/2011 00:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML

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By muffins69 - 18/9/2010 02:34 - United States

Today, I untied the rope that was tied to my dog's collar because it was wrapped around the tree choking him. He immediately ran off down the street. I had to chase him barefoot in my boxers for 20 minutes till he got tired. FML

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By Elephant1718 - 12/6/2013 01:16 - United States - The Dalles

Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML

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By sadness - 12/10/2012 02:48 - United States - Metairie

Today, the guy I'm dating came into the same restaurant where I was eating. He was with a girl. He sat at the table next to mine and didn't even bother to say, "Hi." I guess I'm single again. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/6/2012 04:51 - United States - Hernando

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

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By poop - 6/2/2011 18:26 - United States

Today, I asked my ex-boyfriend how things were going since our breakup. We broke up because he admitted he was questioning his sexuality, and wanted to play for the other team. He took the conversation as an opportunity to talk about his new, amazing girlfriend. FML

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By 43_clothespins_later - 21/11/2013 00:12 - United States - Richmond

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

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By useless bosses - 27/2/2017 08:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, the people who gave me no training or instruction on how to do my job tried to fire me, because asking for clarification apparently means I'm incompetent. FML

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By pleasedie - 7/5/2015 18:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML

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By Michael - 4/1/2010 08:50 - Australia

Today, my 4 year old daughter was ripping out photos of the family photo book, I asked her why she was doing it she answered, "I saw mummy doing it to another book." The only other family photo book was the day we got married. FML

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By oops - 14/8/2014 21:54 - United States

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

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By crookedteeth - 27/8/2009 17:23 - United States

Today, for my birthday, my mom presented me with a $4,000 check to pay for my braces. I've been very self-conscious about my teeth for years. Everyone applauded and told me how happy they were for me. Later, my mom asked me for the check back. Apparently it was just meant to make her look good. FML

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By kimboslice106 - 8/6/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend to spend the night at my house because my dad would be working out of town, and once the rest of the house left I thought it'd be sweet if he snuck in my room and slept with me. His reply was "Why bother? You're on your period, it's not like we can do anything." FML

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By somebody - 8/6/2012 23:13 - United States - Lexington Park

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

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By GodDamnFan - 27/5/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

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By nyx - 27/9/2014 08:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. When I happily told my dad, he kept asking if I'd consider taking back my ex. FML

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By fedupson - 9/4/2015 14:03 - United States - Milpitas

Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML

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By Hi, I'm Heather - 1/10/2014 02:05 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my Spanish teacher told me that the reason the girl I'm tutoring hasn't contacted me yet is because she emailed the teacher saying she didn't like my name, therefore she didn't want me to be her tutor. FML

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By geewhiz - 1/2/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm 19, I'm at uni, I've never been kissed and the only person I have had a proper conversation with in the past week is my Mum. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2017 04:00 - United States

Mama's Boy

Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML

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By thisucks - 28/1/2010 13:59 - Canada

Today, I went out on a date with a guy significantly older than myself. I told him I really liked him because I can have an intelligent conversation with him, unlike most guys my age. He told me he just wanted to get into my pants. FML

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By sippinsoup22 - 16/2/2016 01:25 - United States - Houston

Today, my cat was being surprisingly loving towards me. Normally she ignores me so I obviously found this rather odd. She kept meowing so I assumed she was hungry. As I was getting up to feed her, she stood up and pooped all over me, my bed and phone, then turned away and ran. FML

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By sharky - 5/10/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

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By failatboys - 14/6/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML

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By xx-look-at-xx - 13/4/2013 00:14 - France - Auriol

Today, I was supervising some kids, who were playing on a bouncy castle. One of them managed to kick me in the face during a jump, and looking for an apology, I asked, "What do you say?" He paused, then shouted, "HEADSHOTTTTT!" FML

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By dripdripdrop - 26/1/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, it's raining at my work. Not outside, inside. Because our building's boiler broke and all the pipes are dripping with condensation. I have to sit at my desk under an umbrella to protect my laptop and desk phone. The HVAC company said, "Don't worry, this is normal." FML

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By NCanalyst - 11/11/2009 20:28 - Norway

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

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By monkeywrench - 30/8/2015 11:29 - Sweden

Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML

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By Eden - 14/7/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML

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By TheJazzKid - 30/8/2011 03:56 - United States

Today, I played a Jazz gig. It rained, making the tent the band performed under heavy with water. When I stepped forward to play my solo, the front end of the tent collapsed under the weight of the rain, drenching me. FML

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Top comments

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6476495 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:45

It's just your mating call

By Kinglue | 17

#6476512 - Thursday 3 December 2015 18:01

Hey it's ok... At least you didn't shit yourself...

Comments

By ccameron12 | 21

#6476494 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:45

Maybe he thought it was funny?

Reply

Bloodmorphed | 7

#6476745 - Thursday 3 December 2015 21:53

not sure why this was down voted. i would laugh if this happened.

By KhaleesiDannie | 26

#6476495 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:45

It's just your mating call

Reply

derangedplanet | 23

#6476517 - Thursday 3 December 2015 18:10

I now want to see teens start this up. all just burping in each other's faces... God it would be so beautiful. just ambling around burping....*sigh* dreams

Reply

Kinglue | 17

#6476521 - Thursday 3 December 2015 18:14

That also include whale calls coming from their stomach

By ComoEsJuan | 24

#6476497 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:47

That's extremely impressive.

Reply

tantanpanda | 26

#6476667 - Thursday 3 December 2015 20:08

Tbh, most guys don't care if others burp in public and we don't demand an "excuse me" for it either.

By KendraLaine | 18

#6476498 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:48

Maybe he's a strong believer of the saying "better out than in"?

By jake131000 | 21

#6476500 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:49

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By l4urenz | 23

#6476502 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:51

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By darksoul43 | 11

#6476503 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:53

Perhaps he found it cute. Not many girls want to look kind of clumsy. I'll just hope he's one of those guys.

Reply

bandaidstations | 28

#6476704 - Thursday 3 December 2015 20:58

I find that many girls think that acting klutzy and ditsy will make guys think they're cute. It's disgusting. Burping isn't really a clumsy thing though...

By ww431 | 15

#6476505 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:53

Hopefully you played it cool and laughed it off! Not a laugh/burp though!

Reply

corky1992 | 33

#6476553 - Thursday 3 December 2015 18:29

Since she's posting about it on here I highly doubt she played it cool lol.

By nonsensical | 26

#6476506 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:55

I feel like that's something anyone would laugh at hahaha, you can both laugh until you get tears in your eyes at the super random incident--and now you'll always have that memory you shared together! It was an icebreaker!

By PotatosRGud | 13

#6476507 - Thursday 3 December 2015 17:56

Maybe he'll be impressed...?