Love: Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my... - FML

By mandie - 13/11/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 394

You deserved it 2 529

Stop talking!

Perish the thought

Callous

By Marcella - 24/10/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 447

You deserved it 4 424

By Colormered - 12/01/2010 15:08 - France

Today, I spent all day organizing a list of electronic parts for my boss. I found the easiest way was to color problem parts in the spreadsheet red and okay parts green. After I finished at the end of the day, I found out my boss is red-green colorblind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 328

You deserved it 3 564

By Anonymous - 13/08/2019 06:00

Today, like every day for the past year or so, I went for a walk. And like every time I go for a walk, I got severely winded halfway through. I have no medical issues like asthma, I’m just out of shape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 736

By Bulldogs09 - 01/07/2009 04:41 - France

Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on aim, I noticed one of his friends away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said "I can't believe what I stick my d... In sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 663

You deserved it 12 430

Hyperviolence

By julieseattle - 28/10/2019 18:00

Today, I was at a restaurant waiting for a table. Some lady walked by, smelling like BO and patchouli oil. I attempted to cover my nose with my sweatshirt, but I thumped a small girl in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 277

You deserved it 310

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 15:10 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I propositioned my boyfriend of two years to have sex with me in the shower to spice up our love life. He said that he was really busy. He was playing Call of Duty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 868

You deserved it 6 023

By HidenSeek - 08/05/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, my mom and I were watching this movie in which some girls start making out. My mother calls them "sinners" and that they will "burn in hell twice". Then she says "God doesn't like gays". I'm a lesbian. I picked out this movie as a way of coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 697

You deserved it 17 050

Fuck this pandemic

By Anonymous - 07/02/2021 11:01 - Canada - Mirabel

Today, working from home and to escape my own toddler, I moved my work area into the bedroom. Perfect timing for the neighbor's toddler to scream at the top of his lungs. All day long, underneath my bedroom. I just wanted some peace and quiet to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 98

By metalflower01 - 11/01/2012 16:31 - United States

Today, I had to cancel my wedding. On top of being upset about the break up, I was informed I owed a $900 cancellation fee for not using the venue. Single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 115

You deserved it 4 032

By Mia - 12/12/2018 17:00 - India - Mumbai

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get it on. That's when the bell rang. He said, 'I'll just be back'. 5 minutes later, still no sign of him. I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the hall. Turns out his new PS4 had arrived. He said, 'I forgot you were here, sorry' and continued to play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 750

You deserved it 423

It's a sign...

By Ohfknhell - 16/05/2018 05:00

Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 580

You deserved it 740

By selfdefense - 12/10/2009 04:16 - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 356

You deserved it 2 549

By Pissed Off - 07/03/2009 10:13 - Australia

Today, I was walking along the street and passed a young couple. Over my shoulder I heard the girl say to her boyfriend "Would you still love me if I looked like her?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 185 209

You deserved it 12 017

By arghgffhdfg - 15/07/2012 00:22 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 174

You deserved it 2 426

By Anonymous - 04/01/2012 17:00 - United States

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 058

You deserved it 2 812

By Anonymous - 08/07/2016 22:09

Today, my boss reprimanded me for a huge screw-up that he was responsible for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 735

You deserved it 830

By Sam - 02/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 394

You deserved it 2 249

By notpreggers - 08/02/2009 00:54 - United States

Today, the creepy skin care guy at the mall with the heavy accent asked me if I was pregnant. When I said no he replied "Oh, too many donuts then?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 674

You deserved it 7 885

By freakingow - 14/02/2010 18:05 - United States

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 928

You deserved it 6 832

By Bali_Boil - 16/01/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15 minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 346

You deserved it 6 710

By thanks iphone - 30/01/2016 21:05 - United States - Louisville

Today, I realized I wasn't getting notifications for my voicemail, so I decided to check it and found out that I had 3 job offerings that are no longer an option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 005

You deserved it 3 733

By hot4donny - 12/11/2010 02:40 - United States

Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 996

You deserved it 26 904

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 14:33 - United States - Brownwood

Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 660

You deserved it 6 887

By Username - 23/06/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 308

You deserved it 2 577

By Out from Hell - 22/04/2013 22:31 - United States - Woodstock

Today, I got so drunk I called my ex-boyfriend and confessed my love to him. All in front of my current boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 618

You deserved it 76 403

By Anonymous - 07/02/2014 18:51 - Mayotte - Mamoudzou

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 218

You deserved it 3 651

By fleatitting fame - 04/07/2014 21:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 868

You deserved it 3 777

By grossedout - 01/02/2015 23:10 - United States - Newport News

Today, I witnessed a man masturbate into a public urinal, miss, fart, and then leave without washing his hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 209

You deserved it 2 736

By Cassie - 21/05/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 869

You deserved it 47 176

By loser - 09/05/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I had to sell my wedding ring to help me pay for my divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 644

You deserved it 13 034

By thatguy - 25/06/2011 07:47 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 646

You deserved it 2 974

By Anonymous - 12/05/2015 03:02 - United States - Springfield

Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 851

You deserved it 2 083

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 00:51 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me to stuff my bra before going to a party with him and his friends because he didn't want to be embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 474

You deserved it 5 169

By Phoellie - 28/08/2009 11:43 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 906

You deserved it 5 182

Which is worse

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 19:01 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Spicy

Today, I found out that my best friend of 25 years, who doesn't believe that her boyfriend raped me, unfriended me on Nintendo Switch online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 117

By Anonymous - 16/05/2016 00:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 962

You deserved it 3 621

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 13:25 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 286

You deserved it 2 877

Estranged

By freamly - 16/03/2021 17:01

Today, I called my mother to tell her about my terminal cancer diagnosis. She responded with, "What makes you think I care at all?" before hanging up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 60

By TatooFAIL - 06/10/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 258

You deserved it 67 696

Stuck

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:01 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was told by my boss if I was late one more time he fired me. I replied, "Can I quit then if that's the case." He then said no, and gave me more shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 974

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:13

You're one-fourth of his genes.. Technically he's 4x more of a waste.

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:13

been missing my sister for 6 months, whats the number in her ear?

Comments

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:11

Challenge accepted!

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:26

What challenge? Two females producing a child? Good luck.

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:27

Lesbian FML FTW sorry didn't notice the name and no gender symbol Boy do I feel silly srry. ^-^

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:28

That's like me hitting on jennifer lopez

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Monday 14 November 2011 2:27

Old people are wonderful :D

LiveLaughFML 10

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Monday 14 November 2011 2:45

i don't think OP's grandfather was trying to be offensive. if that was my sexual orientation i'd feel complimented :^)

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Monday 14 November 2011 5:39

They could just go to one of those sperm places if they did want a baby.. Or adoption

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Monday 14 November 2011 6:00

Today, my girlfriend of six monthes brought me over to meet her family for the first time. Upon seeing me, her grandfather said, "What a waste of good breeding stalk." FML

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Monday 14 November 2011 13:10

Or OP is a guy - Mandy can be short for Mandel (like Mandy Patinkin), it's a Jewish thing. The idea of a Jewish grandfather getting into eugenics is interesting, though...

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Monday 14 November 2011 21:22

Hey, it could still be a fun challenge.

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:13

You're one-fourth of his genes.. Technically he's 4x more of a waste.

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Monday 14 November 2011 4:00

He means that the girlfriend is no good...

GirlWithName1324 0

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Monday 14 November 2011 4:21

No the OP is lesbian, I think it's a compliment.......but you know old people

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Monday 14 November 2011 4:40

To clear it up for you guys: OP is a lesbian, she brought over her girlfriend, and grandpa thinks the girlfriend is attractive, but she's a waste because she's lesbian, and thus can't reproduce.

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Monday 14 November 2011 7:35

#50, dead on.

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Monday 14 November 2011 8:46

#50, glad someone explains it in the upper percentiles of the comments, so many people can read it before posting without understanding.

MyMilkShake2Yard 0

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Tuesday 15 November 2011 1:30

Thx I was about to have a

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Tuesday 15 November 2011 12:49

couldn't have put it better myself!

dihannasaurus 9

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Thursday 9 June 2016 2:36

nice

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:13

As long as you like her it doesn't matter what he thinks.

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:20

He's saying the GIRL is good stock being wasted on his grandson.

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:22

Ohhh now I understand. Thanks for clearing that up. I wish I could still edit my comment.

Marcella1016 31

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:24

Oh wow I didn't get that either thanks. The word "breeding" made me think it was some kind of racist comment lol

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:25

I failed too I didn't realize that op was a girl... I wish I could edit my comments too. -_- Douche grandpa either way lol.

thisisafunnyname 12

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Monday 14 November 2011 4:23

op liking her isnt the oly thing that matters...it also matters that she likes op cause itd be pretty close to rape if otherwise

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:13

been missing my sister for 6 months, whats the number in her ear?

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Monday 14 November 2011 4:00

This is funny but requires some thinking which is probly why you arent getting many thumbs up

ismellrealbad 0

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Monday 14 November 2011 23:29

Cool

ismellrealbad 0

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Monday 14 November 2011 23:29

Cool

Cmdr_Shepard 17

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:16

FYL, I'm glad that my grandparents aren't bitter like that. Don't be discouraged by Mr. Sourpuss, keep dating your gf!

flockz 19

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:17

i would say tell your grandma that, but that would just be fucked up.

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:26

Wow..... Made my day!

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:18

Given that your genes are derived from him. Oh, your name is Mandie and this is a lesbian FML. I see now.

Angel_Tigeress 5

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:20

Your name is Mandie, so I am asssuming you're a lesbian? In that case, that is so rude :( I'm so sorry you have such a prudish, homophobic grandfather. I really hope he was just kidding.

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Sunday 20 May 2012 20:02

Homophobic? He's just saying that her gf is pretty and would make cute babies. A lot of people would react like that when any good looking person told them they had decided not to reproduce.

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:20

Pfft. Louisiana

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Monday 14 November 2011 1:20

Who cares what he says as long as you like her

Nearly

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 3

Today, my girlfriend called off our plans to get married, all because I didn't “make enough time” while I was busy renovating the house for her parents to come over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 34

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 594