Holidays: Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese...

By notthatkinkyanyway - 13/11/2011 12:46 - China

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 539

You deserved it 6 399

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

You're under arrest

By poo_shoe123 - 31/03/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 623

You deserved it 10 233

By well then... - 15/06/2013 05:04 - Canada - London

Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 424

You deserved it 4 790

Hands on the wheel

By Username - 05/10/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 969

You deserved it 12 665

By thebickster - 06/03/2009 17:58 - United States

Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 573

You deserved it 49 770

By dangerousknitter - 08/10/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 320

You deserved it 3 849

By madison77 - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 508

You deserved it 3 059

Suspicious

By BilletsDoudous - 15/01/2015 06:51 - France

Today, I was working as a ticket inspector on a train. A suspiciously-acting thirty something guy got on board with two huge bags. Worried, I kept an eye on him. I wasn't disappointed when he got 5 furry toys out of his bags and started to have a conversation with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 459

You deserved it 3 405

Memories

By exasperated - 17/04/2014 03:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories' sake". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 191

You deserved it 4 622

By Anonymous - 27/11/2013 17:51 - United States - Poquoson

Today, I was visiting a family member at a women's prison. The staff wanted to search me, basically claiming that my breasts looked suspiciously disproportionate, implying I was smuggling something in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 392

You deserved it 4 235

By Anonymous - 22/09/2009 23:36 - Canada

Today, I was checking into a hotel with my boyfriend. A few minutes after we get to our room, the cops show up to our door asking to see some ID from the both of us. The hotel staff had called the cops on us because they thought I was underage and he was going to molest me. I'm 21 and he is 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 024

You deserved it 3 207

DDpandaz 0

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:11

Giggity

Analtality 4

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:11

Imagine what they did if they confiscated it.

Comments

evelinaaa 0

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:10

leadman1989 15

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:13

Just had to be FIRST huh?

KiddNYC1O 20

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:16

GTFO, 1.

Damn_Hippster 11

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:23

Could be worst, it could have been a kinky bomb.

jasminea 0

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:26

oh gosh, you're a little too excited.... I bet that turns you on.

sunrise1234 3

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:26

1, people like you make me want to slam your head into an oven.

rallets 22

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:31

deymadu1st

saIty 17

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:33

As long we're making faces: :O + :P = 69

M0TTO 6

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:40

I don't know why everyones complaining about 1. His comment actually goes with the FML. Back on topic, it probably wasn't smart bringing a metal object there.

kevsnev 7

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:49

Is Peter Chao your boyfriend?

sky22_fml 7

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:57

Violent much? lol

Analtality 4

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:11

Imagine what they did if they confiscated it.

leadman1989 15

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:37

Categorize and store it in it's proper place until disposal? :D

Keyman1212 14

Sunday 13 November 2011 20:30

You know one of them will end up handcuffing themselves to something...

HahaHokayThen 10

Sunday 13 November 2011 21:21

I would've passed it off as just handcuffs... Unless it was lined in pink frilly fluff ;D

TheDeadlyTurtle 7

Sunday 13 November 2011 21:32

I'd say I'm an undercover stripper cop .

todethepandaXD 2

Sunday 13 November 2011 23:47

"hello fellow officer I was just about to arrest this man for being a naughty boy" ;D

xosportsgirl14x 8

Sunday 13 November 2011 23:55

Thumb up this comment if you're sick of full page ads on the FML app... Also, OP, that must have been humiliating.

1123nic 0

Monday 14 November 2011 0:35

On the bright side OP, at least you were gonna get it in. I mean, when is that not a good thing? :D haha

iliketwertles 2

Sunday 25 December 2011 0:21

Keyman's ripped and hot....

DDpandaz 0

Sunday 13 November 2011 19:11

Giggity

EatnBeef 7

Sunday 13 November 2011 20:01

Who else but Quagmire?!

DQEight 8

Sunday 13 November 2011 20:09

Goo.

TherealMort 0

Sunday 13 November 2011 20:18

Peters friend Quagmire says that all the time! Oh how it gets on my nerves!

EvilPotato 14

Sunday 13 November 2011 21:07

I'm sorry but there's one thing I must say. Holy shit nobody gives a **** about that ******* chef game we are all here to laugh at peoples misery. Thank you and sorry for straying off topic.