Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance... - FML

By Anonymous - 27/3/2009 04:41 - United States

Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

71460

You deserved it

5070

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Boozehound alert

Trip Advisor says no

By Anonymous - 7/1/2013 00:24 - United States - Boise

Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12295

You deserved it

38341

Tweet

Share

By adalia - 19/7/2009 17:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my dad about plans to go out late for a few drinks next week. My dad started his usual "YOU COULD GET RAPED!" lecture, before my brother sprang to my defence, "It's not like she's what they're after, is she?" Apparently, rapists are out of my league. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49078

You deserved it

4908

Tweet

Share

By scaredofbozo - 11/3/2011 16:05

Today, I woke up screaming after a nightmare about clowns, which wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't been surrounded by coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15424

You deserved it

28227

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 29/1/2011 12:41 - Australia

Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35667

You deserved it

8912

Tweet

Share

By Dani - 12/1/2012 10:35 - Australia

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32837

You deserved it

2558

Tweet

Share

By eliinu - 2/9/2016 02:45 - United States - Middlesboro

Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15002

You deserved it

904

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/1/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36644

You deserved it

30489

Tweet

Share

By TJ - 8/8/2012 11:23 - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27392

You deserved it

2746

Tweet

Share

By Matti - 17/8/2018 22:00

Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3083

You deserved it

214

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14385

You deserved it

42682

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/10/2014 14:58 - United States - Chicopee

Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40848

You deserved it

3181

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/2/2013 19:19 - Botswana - Francistown

Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40788

You deserved it

5966

Tweet

Share

By confusedphotographer - 19/4/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was fixing some photos for a client. I spent 20 minutes trying to Photoshop an unusual black dot out of a picture. Only then did I discover it was a black dot on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13821

You deserved it

64074

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/12/2015 15:03 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my puppy went missing. I found him, unconscious but thankfully alive, in a taped-up box with no holes. My little brother eventually confessed to doing it because he wanted to sell my puppy on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28326

You deserved it

1411

Tweet

Share

By meggasee - 25/1/2010 00:23 - France

Today, while having hot sex with my boyfriend, I was experiencing my very first orgasm. Right when my mother walked in. We had no blankets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24714

You deserved it

8237

Tweet

Share

By NotASize0 - 4/4/2013 15:12 - Denmark

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

51262

You deserved it

4223

Tweet

Share

By Jacquelinez - 20/5/2012 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27953

You deserved it

3092

Tweet

Share

By massachusettsan - 25/6/2014 00:07 - United States - Monomoy Island

Guitar Porn

Today, I got the same feeling in my chest when I orgasmed as when I hit a hard section in Guitar Hero. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44460

You deserved it

8872

Tweet

Share

By lola1313 - 18/9/2013 02:17 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20510

You deserved it

40969

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2014 02:26 - United States - San Luis Rey

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56633

You deserved it

4741

Tweet

Share

By FckMyLife - 24/3/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26687

You deserved it

10043

Tweet

Share

By lifesucks4me - 23/2/2009 12:51 - United States

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

I agree, your life sucks

160570

You deserved it

13705

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 02:07 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24093

You deserved it

2161

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 25/3/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11856

You deserved it

26185

Tweet

Share

By bbcgj - 4/7/2015 09:30 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, my internet was so slow I couldn't even load an internet speed test to see how slow my internet was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27590

You deserved it

2834

Tweet

Share

By SK8WITME - 12/2/2016 18:22 - India

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19056

You deserved it

6716

Tweet

Share

By madari - 21/10/2012 23:11 - Spain - Benalm?dena

Today, my husband and I went to marriage counselling. I confessed something that was bothering me, but he didn't understand. Our counselor repeated word-for-word what I said right back at him. He turned to me angrily and shouted, "Why couldn't you just say that the first time?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29964

You deserved it

2800

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/2/2016 17:58 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my girlfriend made me a chocolate cake to try and cheer me after my dog died. My dog died because my dad fed him chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20205

You deserved it

1873

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 10:57 - Australia

Today, I was shaving my left armpit when I cut myself badly. I wondered whether or not it would be safe to shave my right armpit, then reasoned that it couldn’t possibly happen twice. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17144

You deserved it

27781

Tweet

Share

By NotInTheRightPlace - 17/3/2014 18:18 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40979

You deserved it

6510

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/4/2013 07:54 - United States - Chicago

Today, I tried to explain to my history teacher why Woodrow Wilson would not have called the Great War "World War 1" as she constantly claims. I was sent to the office for my insubordination. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41884

You deserved it

4629

Tweet

Share

By cjd - 23/3/2012 14:23 - Canada - Montreal

Today, in health class we were watching a documentary about anxiety. My teacher asked if any of us often feel anxious. I was too anxious to raise my hand, and went into a minor panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30318

You deserved it

4775

Tweet

Share

By zlotytarasy - 14/10/2009 22:03 - Poland

Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32834

You deserved it

3521

Tweet

Share

By BadMurderer - 31/7/2009 04:01 - Mexico

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45872

You deserved it

3843

Tweet

Share

By bl3ur0z3 - 30/9/2019 00:01

The luck of the draw

Today, my supervisor was in a leadership meeting pulling random calls for quality. Mine was chosen. He got excited and told them my stats and how I put him to shame with how I drive my team, that I'm the best and this call is going to be amazing. I was then written up for arguing with a customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1364

You deserved it

331

Tweet

Share

By IDon't - 13/10/2013 10:49 - Australia - Berkeley Vale

Today, my fiancée told me she can't marry me. Our wedding day is tomorrow and around 20 of our 180 guests attending have travelled half way around the world just for the occasion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60416

You deserved it

3705

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 14:02

Party in my underpants!

Today, you could think I was hosting a festival. Main event: Aunt Flow & The Zits. Preceded by: Mopey & the Munchies. After Party with: The Bloats and The Farts. Whoever hasn’t left by then will have to see The Bloody Underpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1122

You deserved it

241

Tweet

Share

By lostvideo - 24/8/2010 07:25 - Israel

Today, I realized that I hadn't seen my video camera in a while. After searching for several minutes in my room, I remembered that I had given it to my dad to hide before our month long trip (so even if someone broke into the house the video camera would be safe). He's forgotten where he hid it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25692

You deserved it

9177

Tweet

Share

By ellabellabooboo - 22/3/2015 02:27 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32150

You deserved it

2666

Tweet

Share

By Flaps - 27/11/2010 12:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16012

You deserved it

38435

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By thisisnotmyname | 0

#62462 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:02

lol No one looks pretty after swim practice. I always looked horrid.

By Megbo | 0

#62474 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:06

hahaha oh well, at least he still waved?

COMMENTS

By thisisnotmyname | 0

#62462 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:02

lol No one looks pretty after swim practice. I always looked horrid.

Reply

chloelovestoswim | 6

#952032 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 2:47

I agree ur eyes are like red from chlorine u smell like chlorine hair messy and ur makeups pretty much screwed lol

Reply

cellycrunk | 16

#1040057 - Wednesday 23 June 2010 7:56

go mommy ;]

Reply

AmyShark | 7

#5172345 - Wednesday 21 November 2012 22:44

Amen to that

By JAL_fml | 0

#62468 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:04

That sucks. At least she was being honest?

By Megbo | 0

#62474 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:06

hahaha oh well, at least he still waved?

By Jaywin | 3

#62475 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:06

If it was at a distant I think you're good.

By Tucatz | 0

#62478 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:07

Gee, thanks, Mom. Love you too.

(As a father myself I have an overwhelming urge to throttle her right now. There are some things you just don't say to your kids.)

By scb197 | 0

#62483 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:08

no honestly, that's hilarious.

By Jimboom | 11

#62500 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:11

Tell your mom to shut her stinkin pie hole!

Reply

kentuckyredneck | 10

#3332905 - Friday 23 September 2011 11:28

Every time i read your posts, i read them in alphonse voice.

By melissa_03 | 0

#62521 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:17

haha what a bitch.
but ive gotta admit, thats still pretty funny lol

By br0ken | 0

#62535 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:22

no one look pretty after swiming ..

and im agree with #2 at least she was honest ...

By frosty16 | 0

#62541 - Friday 27 March 2009 16:23

Thanks a lot, mom. She sounds.... that couldn't have been a good day for you. Sorry.