Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could...

By Anonymous - 11/9/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said "no" so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

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Miscellaneous

The opposite of a good idea

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Compassion

By kj1 - 17/2/2014 18:28 - United States - Draper

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

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By sarah - 18/4/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

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By shtzbutnogiggles - 17/5/2016 14:10 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, this was cut short when the person behind me with the worst halitosis started singing along to the songs. He knew ALL the lyrics. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML

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By jacked - 17/4/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, my car got a flat tire. I jacked up my car, removed the flat and went to get my spare out of the trunk. Where my spare is supposed to be I found a note. It said "You're a bitch - John". John is my ex boyfriend. He borrowed my car the day we broke up, apparently he stole my spare tire too. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2019 18:02

Today, I offered to help my mother-in-law boil noodles for some noodle soup. She loudly said, "You know how!?" I'm a chef. FML

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By drake86 - 9/1/2013 16:42 - United Kingdom - Helensburgh

Today, I got genuinely annoyed at myself when I realised I probably lack the skills to survive a Zombie apocalypse. FML

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By fatty - 21/11/2012 06:20 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I yet again purposely avoided the 'Health and Fitness' section on pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2014 23:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML

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By - 21/2/2019 17:00 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I had a anxiety attack about taking my anxiety medicine. FML

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By AvengdSevenfold - 24/8/2009 14:22 - United States

Today, I was playing Ultimate Frisbee and trying to make new friends since I'm new at my college. I was running after an overthrown frisbee for a touchdown. Everyone cheered me on to keep going. I ran full speed into a fence. FML

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By Gas-pingForAir - 19/9/2016 08:59 - United States - Columbia

Today, my girlfriend managed to trap a fart in her nightgown and carry it all the way from the bathroom, into our bedroom, and finally into our bed. FML

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By booty backfire - 1/5/2014 17:31 - United States

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

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By wet and sad - 15/11/2019 03:00

Completely soaking

Today, I was walking to work when it was starting to pour down sideways. I was pretty early anyway, so, I decided to duck into a bus shelter and let it pass. Suddenly, a big truck comes and drenched me with the biggest puddle. Soaking from head to toe. FML

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By littlegirl - 7/5/2011 04:46 - Canada

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

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By emi - 3/4/2016 17:18 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, the guy I've been seeing asked me to have a threesome. With his girlfriend. FML

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By littl3storm - 12/5/2019 21:30

Today, I found out that I work with a bunch of sex addicts. One of them is my cousin, and she did NOT hold back when telling me her and her fiancé's plans about swinging. FML

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By NeverGonnaGetAny - 23/2/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

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By buggedout - 25/11/2009 08:24 - United States

Today, I realized that when the pest control man said that we may see a few more bugs in the next few days, what he meant was "your kitchen will be covered in them." It's the day before Thanksgiving and I have several people invited over for the Holiday. FML

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By canucks_chick - 23/10/2011 05:45 - Canada

Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML

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By Irobot - 15/3/2017 22:00

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was berated by a customer for a good two minutes. It's okay though because she ended with, "Sorry, I forget you all are real people." FML

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By ab - 9/10/2011 05:11 - Canada

Today, a woman came into my work and yelled at me because no one told her the cake she had bought the week before was made of ice cream. She'd hidden it in the cupboard and it melted. I work in Dairy Queen. FML

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By anon - 4/5/2009 21:56 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

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By it's v - 17/3/2018 08:00 - United States - Denver

Today, after my flight arrived late, I ran 60 gates to get my connecting flight. I sprinted up to the gate agent, completely out of breath, and he looked at me, shut the door, and said, “The door is shut. You’re too late.” FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2019 16:09

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

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By soccerbuddyz - 3/8/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

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By loserman - 16/2/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML

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By Lexy - 10/11/2018 12:00

Today, I saw my boyfriend coming up the walkway to our home. When I opened the door to greet him with a huge smile on my face, he scowled at me and angrily said, "I don't know why you have to do that!" Smile gone. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2019 10:15 - Australia - Hornsby

The appearance

Today, I find why my long term boyfriend has not been interested in sex for the last 3 months. It’s because I’m fat. While I could probably lose a few, I am not obese and I am the one that has lead healthy eating and exercise in our house. FML

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By Screamslikeagirl - 27/9/2016 19:17 - United States - Union City

Today, there must have been a wasp clinging to my front door because when I walked outside, it dropped between my glasses and my face and began stinging me all around my eye. I don't know if my eye is more swollen from the stings or from me repeatedly punching myself in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2014 13:04 - Israel

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

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By poopooppachuu - 11/10/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML

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By horriblefashionsense - 26/9/2013 15:20 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

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By wellokthen - 26/11/2019 18:00 - United States - Birmingham

Bed move

Today, my friend sent me a link to a porn video. The guy in it was my boyfriend, the girl in it wasn't me, but they were in my bed. FML

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By snore - 19/4/2014 20:12 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I was feeling really depressed and ended up asking my mom why guys aren't interested in me. She replied with a laundry list of reasons, including, "Hair. Boobs. Face. Everything." FML

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By SlowPacker - 9/3/2016 07:07 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my family informed me that we were going on a 10 hour road trip to my cousin's wedding. They only decided to tell me 45 minutes before we left for said road trip. FML

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By emmamrose7 - 15/8/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

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By NotSteve - 18/4/2009 08:19 - United States

Today, I was walking home from when I passed an old woman sitting on the curb of Walmart begging for change. I gave her my last dollar and felt good about it. Five minutes later I saw the same woman driving away in a car. I don't even own a car. FML

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By Headphones - 21/7/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2010 00:29 - United States

Today, my roommate brought a kitten to the apartment. I hate cats, and probably sensing this, the thing clawed me right in the crotch. I of course am not going to say a thing because I happen to be in love with my roommate, but she has no clue how much I hate this thing. FML

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Top comments

By tiffanyjean | 3

#1391838 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:15

that's mean hope u made an awesome dinner for yourself

By kellanlvr | 1

#1391846 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:16

aww I hate when my family does that :/

Comments

By tiffanyjean | 3

#1391838 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:15

that's mean hope u made an awesome dinner for yourself

Princess994 | 0

#1391860 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:16

agreed. I would have been pissed and hurt that they did that

ortega_fml | 0

#1391863 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:16

i guess when they are there, they're family...
without you.
ydi.

zoodude91 | 0

#1392091 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:37

no one says supper in the States OP. get with the times.

SeduceRecycle | 0

#1392322 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:20

LOOK AT THE DELICIOUS FOOD!

hhhiii | 0

#1392363 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:32

shush it tubby and Jessica alba on your pic? really. Is your name Luis?

Fluffeh | 5

#1392368 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:33

How do they deserve it?

pwincessa23 | 1

#1392407 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:46

what??!!!!!!! WTF is wrong with them?!!! OLIVE GARDEN IS ABSOLUTELY BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I say u stab em!! lol jk don't go that far but it is good. mmmmm yummy maybe cuz I'm prego but I think it's awesome!

SeduceRecycle | 0

#1392416 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:48

48, yes olive garden is delicious! There is one here in Edmonton == YUMMMMM. Always really busy 

woofis | 0

#1392518 - Sunday 12 September 2010 11:17

my cousin got hives at an olive garden once.

Wtfmlib | 0

#1392890 - Sunday 12 September 2010 13:55

you are the stupidest person ever #5

sprawlguard | 0

#1392946 - Sunday 12 September 2010 14:10

haha ftw

KingDingALing | 9

#1393318 - Sunday 12 September 2010 15:57

Piss on the kitchen floor and then leave. Let your mom clean it up. Or better yet, take a shit on the floor! XD

AbsoluteTurtle | 0

#1393948 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:40

olive garden sucks amyway, and nice ballad of gay tony reference haha

Jessi2487 | 0

#1394068 - Sunday 12 September 2010 18:01

25- i was so gonna say tht

zoodude91 | 0

#1394898 - Sunday 12 September 2010 22:22

olive garden is retarded - it's horrible Italian food.

pwincessa23 | 1

#1531407 - Monday 11 October 2010 8:08

96, no it's not...

isuckok | 11

#5756572 - Saturday 16 November 2013 15:55

#25 My gran does. I used to when I lived with her, and I still do sometimes. It's a personal preference, not "getting with the times"

Tankkiller308 | 16

#6001397 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 5:41

What are you a Yankee or something you need to get with the program, #24

By kellanlvr | 1

#1391846 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:16

aww I hate when my family does that :/

chantelfurtado | 0

#1393258 - Sunday 12 September 2010 15:40

me too I HATE it

pdk420 | 0

#2858543 - Sunday 10 July 2011 2:39

your family's are cunts

By ElectricGhost_fml | 5

#1391850 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:16

hahaha dude olive garden isn't that good anyways =P

sexybitch92 | 0

#1392088 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:37

agreed , Olive Garden isn't that great. fyl though op your family sounds cheap and mean.

FYLDeep | 25

#1392176 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:47

I've never been there either, but their commercials make it look like the greatest place ever.

KiaraMonet | 0

#1393136 - Sunday 12 September 2010 15:11

Their BreadSticks Are Awesome.

RandomDudeOrRD | 0

#1393780 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:08

the breadsticks and salad are to die for! nom nom nom nom nom. 

azn_pridee69 | 0

#1395106 - Sunday 12 September 2010 23:48

olive garden is beast. stfu D:

By Filitov | 0

#1391887 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:18

So go make a PB&J sandwich and enjoy it. Problem solves.

Filitov | 0

#1391924 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:22

*solved. God I hate the auto-correct on iPhones.

panchod1234 | 0

#1391966 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:27

n if your still lonly u can eff tha sandwich?

doink | 0

#1392027 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:32

PB&J sandwich > Olive Garden

Joemc | 0

#1392536 - Sunday 12 September 2010 11:26

panchod I'm pretty sure that if their family was home they wouldn't "eff" them so why would he do that to a sandwich?

makemeasandwich | 0

#1392564 - Sunday 12 September 2010 11:46

9 - then just turn it off.

By MaCOOLiT | 5

#1391905 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:20

maybe if you were such a lazy butt you could have been there. ydi!

brianjman14 | 22

#1392049 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:34

So you're saying if she IS a lazy butt, she could have been there? What? That makes no sense...

isuckok | 11

#5756574 - Saturday 16 November 2013 15:57

Perhaps she was exhausted from whatever she had done that week/weekend.

By LAO_fml | 0

#1391918 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:21

maybe they were talking about how fat you are so they didn't want you to come cuz they charge per chair you would take up 2 you lazy ass

X_o_X_ocutie | 0

#2180829 - Monday 14 March 2011 17:01

lol

By ElectricGhost_fml | 5

#1391943 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:25

how is the girl/boy lazy they just took a nap so that makes them automatically lazy?!

6sick6 | 4

#1394143 - Sunday 12 September 2010 18:20

No, it's just fun to assume that :D

By makemeasandwich | 0

#1391951 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:25

look on the bright side.. you have the home for yourself.

By Ahunya | 0

#1391990 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:29

One extra person to feed :)haha

hhhiii | 0

#1392371 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:34

you mean one less!

ShotCaller82 | 0

#1395339 - Monday 13 September 2010 0:39

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By brianjman14 | 22

#1392012 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:31

Well, now you have the house to yourself. :) But yeah, that was mean.