Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could...

By Anonymous - 11/9/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we were eating supper soon so I could take a nap. She said "no" so I went into my room and fell asleep. When I woke up, everybody was gone. My entire family of 6 went to Olive Garden while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31669

You deserved it

4669

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Capitalism kills

Healthy relationship

Tense

By Anonycunt - 27/7/2013 16:30 - Germany - Bonn

Today, I went on a blind date that my friends set up. Not only did my date visibly recoil at the sight of me, she ended up trying to convince me that we're actually cousins. When I told her how absurd that was, she muttered "Fuck it" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49196

You deserved it

3978

Favorite

By superjesse006 - 10/10/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42844

You deserved it

2486

Favorite

By richard - 21/3/2014 16:10 - United States - Redmond

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38857

You deserved it

8001

Favorite

By justmyluck - 12/2/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28378

You deserved it

4851

Favorite

By yep, she does have a tumblr - 18/7/2015 02:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl called me a racist, stereotyping asshole. All I did was ask a kid who happens to be Asian to tutor me in math. Which I didn't do just because he's Asian, but rather because he's in college and is actually a brilliant mathematician. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30383

You deserved it

2102

Favorite

By Professional - 29/5/2017 14:00

Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2186

You deserved it

3916

Favorite

By sophiae123 - 18/1/2015 03:50 - United States - Cadillac

Today, my parents threatened to take away my college funds. Why? Because I complained about my 10 pm curfew during break as a freshman in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34319

You deserved it

5268

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Longmont

Bad thought

Today, I found out that my parents have thought I'm lesbian for at least a year. I now understand why my dad has been trying to get me to "hang out" with his co-worker's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1729

You deserved it

186

Favorite

By chchboy - 22/5/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34961

You deserved it

7055

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/11/2012 12:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36631

You deserved it

3655

Favorite

By Hatilic_ - 14/6/2019 20:00

Today, my idiot of a boss yelled at me because it's physically impossible for me to be in two places at the same time, and that I'm not a magician. He didn't understand that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1598

You deserved it

128

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/3/2014 20:28 - United States - Galesburg

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45991

You deserved it

6484

Favorite

By anonymous - 7/3/2010 19:20 - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is getting engaged. He broke up with me five months ago because our relationship was too serious for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32794

You deserved it

2730

Favorite

By AfraidOfToxicity - 21/7/2020 02:02

Hypocrisy

Today, I had a friend quit every friend group we shared, all because I refused to show him favouritism in my D&D campaign, after I changed the rules to reduce favouritism between everyone, because he'd complained. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1305

You deserved it

145

Favorite

By Sneezy123 - 6/10/2009 02:21 - United States

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41178

You deserved it

10123

Favorite

By getmoneyab - 30/5/2009 06:42 - Mexico

Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9779

You deserved it

67695

Favorite

By cc - 24/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28377

You deserved it

7858

Favorite

By caught out - 26/4/2014 23:29 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44573

You deserved it

7371

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/7/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I got an email from a local company looking to have a website made. I looked over their request and provided them with a reasonable offer. I got an email back stating that they would like to pay me with liquor instead of money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40054

You deserved it

4262

Favorite

By zerom - 23/7/2011 00:52 - France

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35101

You deserved it

12194

Favorite

By Shino - 26/6/2018 19:00

Today, my fiancé's mother made him pack his stuff and move to Montana while I was at work. I came home to a half-written note because she wouldn’t let him finish. We own a house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4300

You deserved it

411

Favorite

By KidCudi227 - 23/10/2019 06:00 - United States

Empathy

Today, my boyfriend sent me a bouquet of roses with a message attached. The message said, "Ever since your dog died you've stopped putting out, so I think we should break up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1817

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By Jack W. - 9/12/2015 19:26 - United States

Today, my cat regurgitated his food right on top of a heating vent located on my floor. Now the whole house smells like hot vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22955

You deserved it

2093

Favorite

By Nextman - 14/6/2019 06:24

Today, my coworker, who is constantly singing "Baby Shark," wanted to take selfie for her Instagram account. She moved all the junk from her desk to mine, so her desk would look great in the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1664

You deserved it

171

Favorite

By StairwayToEvan92 - 9/9/2019 22:00

Today, I ran over my third skunk in over 16 days. I should probably return my driver's license to the DMV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1159

You deserved it

413

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/7/2016 20:33

Sexy time

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16751

You deserved it

1642

Favorite

By chawlay - 5/7/2011 14:04 - United States

Today, I had to sift through hundreds of pages of legal documents. They were all written in Comic Sans font. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38772

You deserved it

4599

Favorite

By szinna - 7/6/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57907

You deserved it

6749

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/10/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because I'm in the military and I'm gone too much. The reason I enlisted in the first place is because we agreed that the money and benefits I would earn would help us be able to start a family in the future. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45750

You deserved it

3929

Favorite

By foreverDark - 14/5/2012 12:40 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10577

You deserved it

23382

Favorite

By brad3720 - 14/4/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67343

You deserved it

7508

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/6/2012 04:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was reading erotic literature and noticed several errors in syntax, resulting in my mood being killed. I was cockblocked by my need for grammatical correctness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28233

You deserved it

12103

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/11/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, I got a new job. I'm 26 and I left an amazing job to move back to be around my family. I have no choice but to take this job. I will be placing my finger in a dead turkeys ass, cutting open its stomach, and ripping out its guts. 15 per minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31974

You deserved it

10731

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34706

You deserved it

5510

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/4/2014 22:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41320

You deserved it

4208

Favorite

By master baiter - 12/8/2013 17:11 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30828

You deserved it

43543

Favorite

By Drom - 14/9/2016 12:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I pushed my spinning clothesline around and walked off like a badass. A loose wire then whipped around the back of my head and caught me in the eye. I'm just so badass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9291

You deserved it

3562

Favorite

By innocent cat lady - 7/7/2015 18:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend freaked out at me because he found a couple of orange hairs in my bed and he knows my ex is a redhead. He also knows I have two orange cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28084

You deserved it

2445

Favorite

By Noname - 1/2/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, my fiancée "thought I should know" that she has a $125,000 student loan debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39285

You deserved it

4717

Favorite

By embarrassed - 31/1/2012 03:54 - United States

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28399

You deserved it

5338

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By tiffanyjean | 3

#1391838 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:15

that's mean hope u made an awesome dinner for yourself

By kellanlvr | 1

#1391846 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:16

aww I hate when my family does that :/

COMMENTS

By tiffanyjean | 3

#1391838 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:15

that's mean hope u made an awesome dinner for yourself

Princess994 | 0

#1391860 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:16

agreed. I would have been pissed and hurt that they did that

ortega_fml | 0

#1391863 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:16

i guess when they are there, they're family...
without you.
ydi.

zoodude91 | 0

#1392091 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:37

no one says supper in the States OP. get with the times.

SeduceRecycle | 0

#1392322 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:20

LOOK AT THE DELICIOUS FOOD!

hhhiii | 0

#1392363 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:32

shush it tubby and Jessica alba on your pic? really. Is your name Luis?

Fluffeh | 5

#1392368 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:33

How do they deserve it?

pwincessa23 | 1

#1392407 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:46

what??!!!!!!! WTF is wrong with them?!!! OLIVE GARDEN IS ABSOLUTELY BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I say u stab em!! lol jk don't go that far but it is good. mmmmm yummy maybe cuz I'm prego but I think it's awesome!

SeduceRecycle | 0

#1392416 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:48

48, yes olive garden is delicious! There is one here in Edmonton == YUMMMMM. Always really busy 

woofis | 0

#1392518 - Sunday 12 September 2010 11:17

my cousin got hives at an olive garden once.

Wtfmlib | 0

#1392890 - Sunday 12 September 2010 13:55

you are the stupidest person ever #5

sprawlguard | 0

#1392946 - Sunday 12 September 2010 14:10

haha ftw

KingDingALing | 9

#1393318 - Sunday 12 September 2010 15:57

Piss on the kitchen floor and then leave. Let your mom clean it up. Or better yet, take a shit on the floor! XD

AbsoluteTurtle | 0

#1393948 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:40

olive garden sucks amyway, and nice ballad of gay tony reference haha

Jessi2487 | 0

#1394068 - Sunday 12 September 2010 18:01

25- i was so gonna say tht

zoodude91 | 0

#1394898 - Sunday 12 September 2010 22:22

olive garden is retarded - it's horrible Italian food.

pwincessa23 | 1

#1531407 - Monday 11 October 2010 8:08

96, no it's not...

isuckok | 11

#5756572 - Saturday 16 November 2013 15:55

#25 My gran does. I used to when I lived with her, and I still do sometimes. It's a personal preference, not "getting with the times"

Tankkiller308 | 16

#6001397 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 5:41

What are you a Yankee or something you need to get with the program, #24

By kellanlvr | 1

#1391846 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:16

aww I hate when my family does that :/

chantelfurtado | 0

#1393258 - Sunday 12 September 2010 15:40

me too I HATE it

pdk420 | 0

#2858543 - Sunday 10 July 2011 2:39

your family's are cunts

By ElectricGhost_fml | 5

#1391850 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:16

hahaha dude olive garden isn't that good anyways =P

sexybitch92 | 0

#1392088 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:37

agreed , Olive Garden isn't that great. fyl though op your family sounds cheap and mean.

FYLDeep | 25

#1392176 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:47

I've never been there either, but their commercials make it look like the greatest place ever.

KiaraMonet | 0

#1393136 - Sunday 12 September 2010 15:11

Their BreadSticks Are Awesome.

RandomDudeOrRD | 0

#1393780 - Sunday 12 September 2010 17:08

the breadsticks and salad are to die for! nom nom nom nom nom. 

azn_pridee69 | 0

#1395106 - Sunday 12 September 2010 23:48

olive garden is beast. stfu D:

By Filitov | 0

#1391887 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:18

So go make a PB&J sandwich and enjoy it. Problem solves.

Filitov | 0

#1391924 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:22

*solved. God I hate the auto-correct on iPhones.

panchod1234 | 0

#1391966 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:27

n if your still lonly u can eff tha sandwich?

doink | 0

#1392027 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:32

PB&J sandwich > Olive Garden

Joemc | 0

#1392536 - Sunday 12 September 2010 11:26

panchod I'm pretty sure that if their family was home they wouldn't "eff" them so why would he do that to a sandwich?

makemeasandwich | 0

#1392564 - Sunday 12 September 2010 11:46

9 - then just turn it off.

By MaCOOLiT | 5

#1391905 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:20

maybe if you were such a lazy butt you could have been there. ydi!

brianjman14 | 22

#1392049 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:34

So you're saying if she IS a lazy butt, she could have been there? What? That makes no sense...

isuckok | 11

#5756574 - Saturday 16 November 2013 15:57

Perhaps she was exhausted from whatever she had done that week/weekend.

By LAO_fml | 0

#1391918 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:21

maybe they were talking about how fat you are so they didn't want you to come cuz they charge per chair you would take up 2 you lazy ass

X_o_X_ocutie | 0

#2180829 - Monday 14 March 2011 17:01

lol

By ElectricGhost_fml | 5

#1391943 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:25

how is the girl/boy lazy they just took a nap so that makes them automatically lazy?!

6sick6 | 4

#1394143 - Sunday 12 September 2010 18:20

No, it's just fun to assume that :D

By makemeasandwich | 0

#1391951 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:25

look on the bright side.. you have the home for yourself.

By Ahunya | 0

#1391990 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:29

One extra person to feed :)haha

hhhiii | 0

#1392371 - Sunday 12 September 2010 10:34

you mean one less!

ShotCaller82 | 0

#1395339 - Monday 13 September 2010 0:39

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By brianjman14 | 22

#1392012 - Sunday 12 September 2010 9:31

Well, now you have the house to yourself. :) But yeah, that was mean.