Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly...

By oil300 - 23/7/2015 02:34 - Australia - Hawker

Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly stumbled through the door making out the whole time. I thought that the situation couldn't get worse, but then my Dad asked me if I had a condom they could use. FML

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oil300 Say more :

Ahahah some of the comments here are pretty funny...but some are pretty off...you weirdos

Intimacy

Family values

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Not a cheating!

By MandMandM - 19/7/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says "Is it over yet?" FML

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By PeepShow - 6/8/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

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By laurraaa - 11/7/2009 19:27 - United States

Today, I received 7 notifications on facebook. Girls in my grade were commenting on my photo because they knew the location of it. They then started to have a conversation and they planned a whole social event. On my photo. I wasn't invited. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2013 20:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

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By r1has - 12/6/2016 02:58 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML

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By forgetable - 28/4/2019 02:00

Today, I offered to stay late at my delivery job because it was snowing and several people called out. An hour later I got rear ended. FML

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By Lonely - 2/1/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

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By SetoAyumi - 15/11/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML

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By fjsinedniend - 28/10/2015 01:52 - United States - Missoula

Today, I was having a conversation with a new friend when she remembered she needed to grab something from her car. I don't know where she parked, but it's been two and a half hours and she's still gone. FML

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By kernewek - 26/5/2011 21:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

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By Username - 7/3/2010 17:41 - France

Today, the guy that I have been seeing for over a year left on a business trip. While straightening out his room as a favor, I noticed he took his condoms with him. FML

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By WhitneyHouston - 6/7/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and left a note that said "Please stop singing in the shower. You're terrible, and everyone in the building can hear you." FML

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By guaranteed service - 7/9/2012 06:49 - United States

Today, I wrote an e-mail to a friend stating how hot my client was. I waited for her response, but received a response from my client stating, "I would readdress this accordingly." FML

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By Tygastyle - 23/6/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, at the bank, I went to get some coffee from their machine. I gave it my money and pressed the buttons but nothing was happening. After banging on the machine for ten minutes and calling a teller over, a little boy reached up on his tippy toes to press the giant green START button for me. FML

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By Crystal - 8/3/2010 21:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I showed my fiancé the darling Tinkerbell hoodie I'd bought myself during the weekend. Instead of liking it as I'd hoped, he told me my childish wardrobe was embarrassing, and he wasn't going to be seen in public with me until I wore something different. FML

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By Ticklish - 13/4/2014 09:33 - United States - Marion

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2009 14:48 - United States

Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2013 17:22 - United States - Seattle

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

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By jagerbombs - 30/12/2010 19:08 - United States

Today, I woke up at a strangers house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, I saw an attractive, thin woman eating a salad. Trying to be smooth, I approached her and told her that she didn't need to eat so scarcely, because she was beautiful. She promptly gave me a dirty look and informed me that she was a vegetarian. FML

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By mrteacher - 21/8/2009 22:15 - United States

Today, I was driving to work and I had to pee really badly. I am a teacher and my school was another 20 miles so I stopped on the side of the road. About halfway through, a bus full of laughing kids went by. They were all my students. My pants were down. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2015 05:58 - Finland

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

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By fazzems - 7/8/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, I had a video call with a couple of old friends, but the conversation sort of got boring, so I started mouthing words so they'd think the connection was bad and end the awkwardness. Then, as soon as they hung up the call, I realized I'd left my music on in the background the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2015 09:20 - United Kingdom - Crawley

Today, some friends got upset with me as I wouldn't leave work early and cycle 12 miles to meet them to fix their punctures because they had no spare tubes or repair kits. The same friends that always mock me for being so prepared on bike rides. FML

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By So so close to clean - 8/2/2017 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

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By soccerbuddyz - 3/8/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

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By padthaimeanoose - 19/7/2015 03:29 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I went on my first date in 6 months, to a Thai restaurant. We both got food poisoning and spent the entire evening alternately running to the bathroom while pretending that we were fine. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2020 08:00

There's insane and then there's this guy

Today, my idiot boss, who says he used to be an EMT, thinks that all safety precautions in the company COVID-19 response memo and everything we’ve heard from the WHO and CDC is bull and removed the gloves from everyone’s truck. We’re a plumbing and drain company. FML

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By newlyneurotic - 3/9/2017 07:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I finally got the hearing aids that I've needed for years. My dog quickly learned that if he quietly sneaks up behind me and barks, it'll scare the hell out of me. It's now his favorite game. FML

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By hate - 6/7/2017 11:58

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

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By - 1/1/2009 05:23 - France

Today, my girlfriend has big fake boobs, but gets offended when I tell her how much I like them. FML

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By Never Going Back To The Doctor - 4/7/2013 07:03 - United States

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

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By Jbs4lf - 27/12/2011 03:15 - Belgium

Today, I got punched in the face by a drunk because I couldn't give him any cigarettes. I don't smoke. FML

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By Renzy - 12/12/2012 18:32

Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2012 01:59 - Canada - Waterdown

Today, I forgot to pay for my train ride for the first time. Today was also the first time I've ever seen transit security checking for people's tickets and kicking offenders off. FML

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By anon - 18/1/2016 18:53

Today, I had RA training and we were doing mock situations. During one of these, I had a seizure. Everyone thought it was fake, until I started violently throwing up. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 07:47 - Venezuela

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

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By Macdaddy - 5/12/2008 12:49 - France

Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, while walking through the halls of my high school, me and my boyfriend shared a quick kiss. A young teacher walks by and tells us to stop due to Personal Display of Affection rules at our school. She then looks at my boyfriend and tells him he could do so much better. FML

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By Bestfrienduncool - 30/9/2010 05:11 - France

Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML

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Top comments

By wheresthesafety | 31

#6358825 - Thursday 23 July 2015 11:58

And did you have one?

By MrThump | 16

#6358840 - Thursday 23 July 2015 12:03

Hope you gave him a ribbed one for your mums pleasure.

Comments

By wheresthesafety | 31

#6358825 - Thursday 23 July 2015 11:58

And did you have one?

HerMischief | 21

#6358868 - Thursday 23 July 2015 12:19

Hey everyone, what ever happened to the FML staff? They never reply to any posts/comments anymore.

Nessco | 36

#6358878 - Thursday 23 July 2015 12:40

Another win for the parents!

anujt360 | 13

#6359032 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:52

#1: Your name's perfect for this.

By wheresthesafety | 31

#6358829 - Thursday 23 July 2015 11:59

I love walking my Netflix too!

By catchmenow1 | 21

#6358832 - Thursday 23 July 2015 11:59

Oh, that's just mortifying

spoo | 24

#6359297 - Thursday 23 July 2015 22:36

I know, OP wants a new sibling

happysmile987 | 24

#6359308 - Thursday 23 July 2015 22:54

Well not so traumatizing, if they were that drunk out of their minds, they won't remember and it won't be as awkward. Still, pretty gross.

By coraline123c | 23

#6358835 - Thursday 23 July 2015 12:00

So you were "walking Netflix"? Interesting.

By Apretendbiscuit | 12

#6358836 - Thursday 23 July 2015 12:01

Quick, give them one!! You'll end up with a baby brother or sister if you don't, trust me I've read about these things

pinkster2014 | 25

#6359034 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:53

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By FutureSurgeon | 16

#6358837 - Thursday 23 July 2015 12:02

Well, at least your parents still love each other like that. Although it won't be much comfort at the moment I bet.

By MrThump | 16

#6358840 - Thursday 23 July 2015 12:03

Hope you gave him a ribbed one for your mums pleasure.

Zebediabolical | 37

#6358857 - Thursday 23 July 2015 12:11

"Is that a roughrider condom you slipped on?" "Naw, baby. It's genital warts."

MortenM | 17

#6360228 - Saturday 25 July 2015 0:18

I just hope OPs dad didn't come back saying: Hey son, you wouldn't have one that's a few sizes larger?

By rabbiddog | 13

#6358843 - Thursday 23 July 2015 12:04

Walking Netflix? sounds like you were the drunken one my friend

By Queensland | 27

#6358855 - Thursday 23 July 2015 12:10

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By hoosiergirl94 | 31

#6358856 - Thursday 23 July 2015 12:11

At least they were being safe!