Intimacy: Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly...

By oil300 - 23/07/2015 02:34 - Australia - Hawker

Today, while I was at home watching Netflix, my parents drunkenly stumbled through the door making out the whole time. I thought that the situation couldn't get worse, but then my Dad asked me if I had a condom they could use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 124

You deserved it 2 501

oil300 tells us more.

oil300 17

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:29

Ahahah some of the comments here are pretty funny...but some are pretty off...you weirdos

Intimacy

Our house, in the middle of our street

Can't win

Live, laugh, love no one

By BenjiFurImmer - 12/06/2019 00:07

Today, I found out that when my uncle died, he left me and the rest of my family £2000 each. Only my parents kept and spent my share on themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 304

You deserved it 109

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 305

You deserved it 32 149

By Pancakegirl - 18/06/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 744

You deserved it 4 020

By kitty shah - 17/06/2012 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a debate with my friend over tattoos. I used the example that you wouldn't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari. He looked me in the eye and said, "Yeah, but you're no Ferrari. More like a Prius." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 199

You deserved it 27 371

By Anonymous - 31/08/2012 23:16 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I had my boss over for dinner. Knowing that I was angling for a promotion, my fifteen-year-old son spent the dinner uttering lines such as "What's the point of showering before bed?" and "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." My boss was not impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 061

You deserved it 4 892

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 814

You deserved it 5 669

By fuckfuck - 31/01/2014 18:46 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 263

You deserved it 3 342

By tinydancer - 10/05/2012 18:10 - United States - Richmond

Today, I went to a party dressed as a zombie. Everyone admired my hilarious "zombie dancing". Those were my regular dance moves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 156

You deserved it 5 207

By Kassiopia - 14/11/2009 12:35 - United States

Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter over reacted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 312

You deserved it 3 543

By fartz - 31/08/2013 06:04 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 446

You deserved it 8 084

By Anon - 08/11/2010 18:34 - Singapore

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 959

You deserved it 4 167

By nicoleee - 29/03/2012 20:16 - United States

Today, I was talking about phobias and anxiety disorders in psychology class. I nearly had a panic attack because I was worried that someone might realize I suffer from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 972

You deserved it 4 042

Bottom of the list

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 07:59

Today, after my boyfriend used to tell me that, with his demanding job, he just didn’t have the time or energy for a meaningful conversation with me. Thanks to COVID, he works 90% less now, finding time for online college, cooking and new furniture, yet didn’t invest even one extra minute into our couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 15:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me that he had cheated on me two months ago with my best friend. I decided to give him a second chance. About twenty minutes later, he then broke up with me for not wanting to watch football. Apparently I don't care about his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 726

You deserved it 12 964

By iliterallypoopedmyself - 19/01/2012 01:54 - Australia

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 701

You deserved it 3 864

Worldstar! Worldstar!

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 08:04 - United States

Today, I went to buy some flowers for the anniversary of my grandpa's death. I was feeling sad as I finished paying, but as soon as I got near the exit, two women started fighting at the door. We had to wait for the fight to finish because the staff decided to record it and not break it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 98

By sociallyanxiousroomie - 19/04/2016 10:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 457

You deserved it 1 612

Masterchef 2020

By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 18:58 - United States - Maryville

Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 46

By yingyang2 - 06/01/2011 02:19 - United States

Today, I have been teaching my 5 year-old step-daughter how to read and write. She came bounding up to me with a piece of paper and said, "look what I did". It was a letter that said "My dad misses my real mommy, not you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 107

You deserved it 4 974

By Anonymous - 11/03/2014 22:27 - United States - Remus

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 443

You deserved it 7 175

By Anonymous - 28/09/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, after coming home from hanging out with a few friends, my mom told me that I shouldn't hang out with them any more. Why? Because "they are way hotter than I am and I'll never get a boyfriend if I'm always the ugly one in my group." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 652

You deserved it 3 406

By fired - 17/09/2013 04:36 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 064

You deserved it 98 880

By Kourou - 21/11/2008 12:53 - France

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 130

You deserved it 3 007

By myanmarkaviar - 27/08/2015 16:34 - Norway - Fl?

Today, at work, I served a customer who looked so much like my grandma that I thought it actually was her. Then I remembered she died 6 months ago. I had to serve customers with a smile on my face while choking back tears for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 785

You deserved it 2 158

By kutekittykatz - 10/07/2013 08:58 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 196

You deserved it 14 558

By thanksforthat - 10/08/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, after selling their car, my parents decided to inform me that my car (that I paid for myself) is now going to be the "Family Car". They also informed me that since it is, after all, my car, I'll still have to pay for the gas and maintenance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 627

You deserved it 4 699

By Anonymous - 04/12/2015 22:17 - United States

Today, even after recovering and being able to walk again, my dad keeps peeing in a bucket by his bed. He sees nothing wrong with this, even though it smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 460

You deserved it 1 426

Preemptive strike time

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 07:58

Today, my husband compared leaving me for another woman to finding another job with a better pay, saying, "Sometimes, better is out there, and I deserve better." He seriously thinks it’s a good enough reason. We’ve been married for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 129

By anonymous - 13/06/2012 16:58 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 175

You deserved it 2 195

By Anonymous - 11/06/2016 05:03 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 364

You deserved it 1 699

By sisco2901 - 22/01/2012 09:12 - Slovakia

Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 275

You deserved it 5 281

By ScaryBears - 09/10/2012 01:51 - United States - Trumbull

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 136

You deserved it 32 591

By Rollymouth - 02/09/2010 01:26 - France

Today, I talked to my crush for half an hour. It wasn't until I was home that I realised I had some remains of the sausage roll I ate an hour earlier spread all over my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 782

You deserved it 8 404

Tell me the reason

By who knows - 05/02/2020 14:00 - United States - Mankato

Today, someone took my phone away. Why? Because I was texting my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 3 268

By sucker - 06/01/2011 03:55 - Canada

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 867

You deserved it 4 212

By noname - 20/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 245

You deserved it 8 255

By Anonymous - 09/12/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, our Christmas tree was damaged beyond repair after my son and his friends borrowed it for a little experiment. They tied balloons to the branches and tried to make it fly, after seeing a similar video online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 547

You deserved it 3 537

By Anonymous - 17/04/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I were getting busy on the living room couch when my mother-in-law stopped by and let herself in with a key we didn’t know she had. She then demanded an apology like it was all our fault and stormed out. I still don’t know why she came by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 769

You deserved it 368

Backstabbing

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was chilling with my best friend and suddenly I got a text from my ex saying he wanted me back. My best friend saw the text and said, "Don't go back with him, you deserve better." I wanted to go back with him but I didn't. Later, I saw them hanging out and turns out they're dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 170

You deserved it 112

By Username - 09/05/2011 07:38

Today, I learned that chivalry truly is dead when a seemingly fit man pushed me into a door to get a seat on the train before me. My leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 782

You deserved it 3 382

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Top comments

wheresthesafety 31

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Thursday 23 July 2015 11:58

And did you have one?

MrThump 16

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:03

Hope you gave him a ribbed one for your mums pleasure.

wheresthesafety 31

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Thursday 23 July 2015 11:58

And did you have one?

HerMischief 21

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:19

Hey everyone, what ever happened to the FML staff? They never reply to any posts/comments anymore.

Nessco 36

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:40

Another win for the parents!

anujt360 13

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Thursday 23 July 2015 17:52

#1: Your name's perfect for this.

wheresthesafety 31

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Thursday 23 July 2015 11:59

I love walking my Netflix too!

catchmenow1 21

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Thursday 23 July 2015 11:59

Oh, that's just mortifying

spoo 24

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Thursday 23 July 2015 22:36

I know, OP wants a new sibling

happysmile987 24

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Thursday 23 July 2015 22:54

Well not so traumatizing, if they were that drunk out of their minds, they won't remember and it won't be as awkward. Still, pretty gross.

coraline123c 23

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:00

So you were "walking Netflix"? Interesting.

Apretendbiscuit 12

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:01

Quick, give them one!! You'll end up with a baby brother or sister if you don't, trust me I've read about these things

pinkster2014 25

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Thursday 23 July 2015 17:53

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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FutureSurgeon 16

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:02

Well, at least your parents still love each other like that. Although it won't be much comfort at the moment I bet.

MrThump 16

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:03

Hope you gave him a ribbed one for your mums pleasure.

Zebediabolical 39

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:11

"Is that a roughrider condom you slipped on?" "Naw, baby. It's genital warts."

MortenM 17

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Saturday 25 July 2015 0:18

I just hope OPs dad didn't come back saying: Hey son, you wouldn't have one that's a few sizes larger?

rabbiddog 13

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:04

Walking Netflix? sounds like you were the drunken one my friend

Queensland 27

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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hoosiergirl94 31

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Thursday 23 July 2015 12:11

At least they were being safe!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 59

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 42

oil300 tells us more.

Bottom of the list

Worldstar! Worldstar!

Masterchef 2020

Preemptive strike time

Tell me the reason

Backstabbing

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