Today, I went to a store to buy pants for a new job. A really... - FML

By sweet92 - 15/5/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy pants for a new job. A really hot guy helped me get a pair down from a high shelf so I could try them on. He had flirted with me so I hurried in the fitting room so I could go talk to him. Note to self: Check to see if you have pants on after trying on clothes. FML

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Oh, hai!

Caught red-handed

Compassion

By mook05 - 21/10/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of 6 months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I realized my job is so boring that I spend most of my time trying to take a dump than actually working. FML

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By leeseyxoxo - 27/3/2011 06:10 - United States

Today, I learned, 15 years later, that my puppy from when I was 4, was not taken by Santa because he was in need of a reindeer. My parents took him to the shelter because they thought he was ugly. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2010 01:49 - United States

Today, I was playing my bass clarinet around the house. I asked my dad if he would be at my concert on December 16th. His response was, "No, I'm working that day." My dad is a plumber, and gets called to work completely at random; he has no schedule. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 15:30

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

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By Purple - 6/11/2014 01:12 - United States - Fremont

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2012 16:41 - United States - Naperville

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2013 05:55 - United States - Portland

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML

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By LifeLikeLemons - 14/11/2016 23:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got rear-ended trying to move off the road because I heard a police siren. It was the radio. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, while talking on the phone with my long distance boyfriend, he let me know that he was getting married in August to "some girl" for his papers. After I objected he told me, "well you can marry me if you want." I'm not sure if I just got dumped or proposed to. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2009 23:47 - United States

Today, I was accepted to college and received a scholarship equal to almost half the tuition. After sharing this news with my parents, I spent the next 35 minutes getting yelled at about how I wasn't allowed to go there because my boyfriend might go there. FML

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By - 2/3/2017 10:00 - United States - Ithaca

Today, my first grade student apologized for cutting his bangs off in class, and explained that it was his mom's birthday and he had wanted to make her an origami flower. Out of his hair. FML

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By dormeur - 18/1/2013 11:39 - France - Malakoff

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2009 02:43 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2009 09:18 - Greece

Today, I hired an exterminator to get the roaches out of the house I am renting. I came back from work and went to my bathroom, noticing that he used the plunger to unclog the toilet after he took a dump. After $150, there was shit all over my floor and plunger, and roaches still in my kitchen. FML

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By I keep failing it all - 2/6/2013 19:45 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, my dad found the Father's Day present that I spent at least ten hours preparing and decorating. I'd expected him to be extremely happy about this lovely gift. His only reaction was to ask if he could exchange it for something else. FML

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By uofpalum - 19/3/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I stayed over at my grandparents' house. I woke up and had to brush my teeth. My grandma asked if I had found a toothbrush to use. I told her that I used my old purple toothbrush. She told me that was the toothbrush she used to brush her toenails. FML

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By preggers - 30/11/2011 14:57 - Canada

Today, my husband asked me if I was really pregnant or if I was just smuggling cheeseburgers. I'm now referred to as "the hamburgler." I'm only 5 months pregnant. FML

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By Suomynona - 12/7/2013 20:40 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

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By LoveMeMother - 20/9/2018 05:00

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2010 07:03 - United States

Today, I tried to get over my childhood phobia of syringes by donating blood. The phlebotomist hadn't even touched the needle before I started sobbing hysterically. They made me leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 14:25

Today, I found out my boyfriend was going to propose. He'd bought me a beautiful white gold ring that I never got to see. His estranged mom stole the ring. FML

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By waxinghorror - 11/7/2009 20:11 - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

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By independence - 7/7/2011 04:04 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he wanted some independence. He moved back into his parents house. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 12:53 - United States

Today, I woke up after taking a sleep pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores including paying bills when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML

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By dreamteam - 8/2/2010 11:24 - United States

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

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By YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK THE CUSTOMER - 20/7/2013 17:47 - United States - Sherwood

Today, at work, a woman came up to the snack bar and ordered a pretzel with no salt. When I served her the food, she angrily complained about it having no salt, followed by her throwing the whole thing in my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2010 10:36 - South Africa

Today, my mother forwarded me an email my stepdad had sent her because he was annoyed that I left a light on last night. Talk about communication problems. I wonder how I'm going to tell them I'm pregnant. FML

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By clueless2 - 20/2/2009 15:38 - United States

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2013 20:36

Today, the mother of one of my students bitched me out about her son's poor grades. He lazes around all day, paying no attention and being a constant nuisance. But, she says it's not his fault, and demands that I give him better grades so he won't get "self-esteem" issues. FML

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By Trey - 19/11/2011 01:58 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

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By Username - 28/2/2011 16:26

Today, my assistant manager was arguing with a customer. I interjected letting the customer know that "we want everything to be copacetic." After the customer left, I received a write up for using "big words." FML

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By today - 17/3/2010 06:12

Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2014 20:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

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By SBae - 14/3/2016 15:49 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I waited for the single bathroom for a very long time. I finally knocked on the door and found no one was in there. FML

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By ashleynicolle - 25/2/2012 06:16 - United States

Today, I gave my grandparents my old cell to use since they needed an upgrade. I thought I had deleted everything until I received a text from my grandmother. It was a vagina shot I had taken for my fiancé with a message that said "You need to wear more makeup". FML

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By ireallylikecats - 22/4/2015 13:31 - United States

Today, I saw a lady with a stroller in the park. She stopped at the water fountain and got a drink, then left without her baby. I ran to the stroller and started rolling it after her. Two grown men attacked me, accusing me of trying to steal said baby. Turns out it was a baby doll. FML

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By katiebird - 16/3/2016 20:51 - United States - Durham

Today, my father informed me that I will have no chance of dating a good man if I keep up with these interracial relationships. And that he won't be supporting me through college if I continue this "rebellion." My boyfriend is half black and loves the same music, sports, and movies as my dad. FML

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By phones - 16/1/2015 17:09 - United States

Today, I accidentally spilled a big glass of water on the table, where I had some papers, my cellphone, and a box of donuts. With lightning reflexes, my sister heroically jumped forward and saved the donuts. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2016 15:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, let's just say it's not a good sign when your plumber yells "What the fuck?!" That is, unless you actually like your kitchen being swamped by sewage. FML

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Top comments

By splat_fml | 0

#201076 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:11

Probably only increased your chances with that dude.

Unless your legs were hairy. Or lack knee caps. No good.

By driscoll1985 | 0

#201066 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:05

I wish I was that guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comments

By driscoll1985 | 0

#201066 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:05

I wish I was that guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply

khujo97 | 0

#884204 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 4:37

WTF!!!! how did she not know she had on pants

Reply

captaincook_fml | 1

#3705400 - Friday 9 December 2011 7:18

If only that happened to every girl I flirted with

By Gavik | 0

#201067 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:05

Epic Fail.

Reply

troyboyd05 | 0

#981678 - Monday 19 April 2010 5:21

Epic win for the guy.

By splat_fml | 0

#201076 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:11

Probably only increased your chances with that dude.

Unless your legs were hairy. Or lack knee caps. No good.

Reply

Feklfekl2222 | 32

#6306063 - Sunday 31 May 2015 2:44

How does a leg lack knee caps?

By Sanrio90 | 8

#201077 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:11

How does that happen?

By IllegalLight | 0

#201080 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:12

How is that even possible? Desperate much?

By Allord | 0

#201083 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:12

I would love a girl to hit on me sans pants. Sounds like a gateway into a lot of fun.

By grazynaanka | 0

#201088 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:15

that's awesome.

By ccrazykorean | 0

#201096 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:17

i hate stupidity. how stupid can people get? and i agree - how the hell does that even happen? maybe he wasnt flirting, btw - maybe he was being nice and courteous like a store employee should. you sound desperate.

Reply

FatNinjaCupcake | 0

#2585792 - Monday 30 May 2011 8:14

You hate stupidity? Hypocrite much? Learn how to capitalize, idiot.

By amy397123 | 0

#201098 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:19

Lol'd at 3.
I have done that before, you get so caught up and just forget, unfortunatly an old lady was waiting outside and she looked quite excied to see me.
Be lucky you had a dude.

By padlarf | 14

#201101 - Friday 15 May 2009 12:21

E P I C !