Summertime sadness

By littl3storm - 09/06/2020 05:04

Today, as a treat to myself for completing my exams, I dyed my hair rainbow. In the process of dyeing my hair, I managed to roll over my foot, causing severe ligament damage in my foot and ankle. It's likely I'll end up with a cast. Goodbye summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 377

You tried

A boy can dream

No sex, lots of violins

Roommate from hell

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 10:57 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 134

By never again - 30/08/2012 01:03 - Canada - Carstairs

Today, I babysat for a woman for the first time. When I arrived, there was a large pile of dishes in the sink. I decided to wash the dishes for her while the kids napped. She came home, noticed it, and bitched me out over how I'd only done it "to try and get more money" out of her. What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 746

You deserved it 2 085

Unreasonable

By shary - 12/01/2021 01:59

Today, I was terminated from my job because my boss “felt like it.” My parents have made it clear to me that if I am ever fired from a job, for any reason, they will kick me out on the street and never speak to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 70

By BritishDates - 22/08/2018 13:00

Today, my long-distance British boyfriend of 7 years canceled his plane ticket to visit me in the USA. He claims he "doesn't have enough money" to stay for 2 weeks. As I began canceling all the reservations, he called to say he bought a new car and a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 731

You deserved it 358

By lostintdot - 31/07/2014 11:38 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 888

You deserved it 5 140

Can he fix it?

By Chelsy - 11/09/2019 12:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I found out that when my boyfriend is drunk he pretends to be Bob the Builder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 184

User notice

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 02:52 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to clean out a woman's vagina after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 428

You deserved it 3 097

By anonymous - 19/10/2011 12:19 - Australia

Today, my best friend who I have known for ten years recommended I didn't continue a relationship with my girlfriend. I thought she wanted to go out with me which I was hoping for, for a long time. Turns out she wanted to go out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 876

You deserved it 6 919

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 597

You deserved it 8 306

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 00:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, I got dumped because a guy sat next to me at a party and I didn't get up to change seats. Apparently, it means I subconsciously like the guy who sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 267

You deserved it 4 203

By nomorexbox - 26/04/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 966

You deserved it 13 429

By EggHead - 31/12/2014 04:38 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, at work, a 3-year-old threw an egg at me from his cart. I couldn't leave my register to clean my hair because it was too busy, so when the new manager came in, he wrote me up for "unkempt appearance." Now my new hire probation period is extended 30 days, and my nickname is "Egghead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 927

You deserved it 2 581

By Anonymous - 21/09/2012 19:10 - United States - Clinton

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 997

You deserved it 4 755

By useyourownbed - 18/09/2012 20:06 - United States - Byron

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 758

You deserved it 2 470

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 977

You deserved it 2 654

By Faluna - 17/02/2011 21:27 - Sweden

Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won't come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 166

You deserved it 4 192

By leftout - 25/12/2015 05:51 - United States - Whitney

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 200

You deserved it 1 646

Earthquake

By Bolin - 17/05/2021 08:08

Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 98

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 23:48 - United States

Today, I took a two-hour bus ride to get to orientation, got stuck a block away because the pedestrian sidewalk was closed, waited half-an-hour for my ride in the rain, when someone called the cops on me for acting suspicious. I got to the interview soaking wet, and they told me they'd rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 811

You deserved it 1 327

By anonya - 28/08/2012 04:43 - United States - Madera

Today, I made the mistake of telling my dentist that my dog died. She spent the next half-hour talking about her pets and how they died. I ended up crying in her dentist's chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 826

You deserved it 3 076

By Frazz - 10/06/2013 05:09 - Australia - Aspley

Today, I was told by my grandfather that I was no longer allowed to visit him or to set foot in his house. Why? He found out I have been taking Japanese and German as electives in my degree, so I must be an 'enemy spy'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 911

You deserved it 5 223

By I keep failing it all - 02/06/2013 19:45 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, my dad found the Father's Day present that I spent at least ten hours preparing and decorating. I'd expected him to be extremely happy about this lovely gift. His only reaction was to ask if he could exchange it for something else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 857

You deserved it 3 935

Bunged up

By P DarklyKira - 18/05/2020 23:00

Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 24/04/2014 15:30 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 524

You deserved it 4 005

By Arcanin3Boss - 23/06/2015 06:37 - United States - Portland

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 309

You deserved it 6 000

By random875 - 07/01/2015 06:03 - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 213

You deserved it 2 468

By Puppy problems - 27/10/2013 01:23 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 461

You deserved it 4 481

By dasbooot - 30/04/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 628

You deserved it 4 563

By Parental - 22/01/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 924

You deserved it 5 624

By BloodyHorror - 11/07/2019 22:00

Today, the blood from some defrosted steak dripped under my fridge where I couldn't see it. One insanely hot day later, and my whole house smells like it has its period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 309

By 2classicNot2 - 09/04/2011 07:52 - United States

Today, feeling social, I went to a bar. During a trip to the dimly lit restroom, I fixed my makeup, and carefully penciling my sparse eyebrows. After an evening of meeting new people, I went home. In my well-lighted restroom, I discovered that my eyebrow pencil was actually my bright red lip liner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 742

You deserved it 34 836

By you ripped them off ages ago - 17/08/2014 06:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 982

You deserved it 16 259

By Anon - 13/08/2009 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when walking to my car I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 261

You deserved it 2 752

By anonynomi - 19/11/2015 17:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was accused of shoplifting, after the alarm started beeping as I walked into the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 940

You deserved it 1 583

By Scabs - 09/08/2010 16:54 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 733

You deserved it 2 617

By poo_shoe123 - 31/03/2009 20:47 - United States

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 050

You deserved it 10 122

By me - 21/02/2012 23:56 - United States

Today, while driving, I slowed down and made sure I safely went by a pedestrian, and in the process rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 307

You deserved it 22 077

What a question…

By Anonymous - 04/02/2015 03:53 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my science teacher decided not to recommend me for an honors science class for next year. The reason? Last week, I made the mistake of asking whether spray tans give vitamins in the same way as the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 986

You deserved it 47 581

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that I could never marry him because he's a Yankees fan. He told me he could never marry me because he couldn't see himself having a terrible love life for the rest of his life. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 633

You deserved it 13 950

I am clumsy!

By Anonymous - 16/01/2020 18:00

Today my girlfriend was on top during sex. I went to slap her butt, missed and nailed myself in the balls. We had to stop. She wouldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 330

You deserved it 3 016

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RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 9 June 2020 6:53

I didn't realize hair-dyeing was so dangerous. They need to re-boot that James Bond movie, "Live and Let Dye." The bone-crushing action would be amusing.

ojoRojo 27

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Tuesday 9 June 2020 14:07

How does dyeing your hair lead to rolling over your foot?

Comments

Kurliez408 32

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Tuesday 9 June 2020 5:36

they don't usually put a cast unless it's broken, but that's still probably a brace and weeks of therapy. get better soon op, and don't let it ruin your summer!

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 9 June 2020 6:53

I didn't realize hair-dyeing was so dangerous. They need to re-boot that James Bond movie, "Live and Let Dye." The bone-crushing action would be amusing.