Today, during class, a student began arguing with my Algebra... - FML

By öKANEö - 2/2/2018 08:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, during class, a student began arguing with my Algebra II teacher about whether or not water is wet. The student became so frustrated he threw a stapler across the room. Guess who got hit in the head and is currently bleeding pints in the nurse's office. FML

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Instadrama

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 18:56 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find my dad passed out on the floor with his pants around his ankles. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2020 18:01 - United States - Springfield

Out of the frying pan…

Today, it's been 2 days since I got over having the flu for over a week, missing work the whole time. I just got food poisoning. FML

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By weswithaute - 13/11/2011 06:53 - Australia

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

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By a very unlucky dude. - 18/6/2014 06:37 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I learned the valuable lesson that taking care of a baby crow isn't the best idea. He finally can fly away, but sits on my porch all day cawing for food. FML

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By moneycatious - 19/3/2012 23:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I gave my husband an expensive watch. The first words out of his mouth were, "You didn't use our joint bank account for this, right?" He then asked if I still had the receipt. FML

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By kittybad - 23/6/2013 05:05 - United States

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

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By charliebravo77 - 9/12/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss' car. FML

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By teachingsucks - 14/3/2010 18:29 - United States

Today, after a horrible day at school, I went through the McDonald's drive thru for an ice cream cone. Everything went well until I had to pull a sharp turn. The ice cream is now no longer on the cone, but instead all over my hands, face, steering wheel, and the carpet. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2013 23:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML

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By HouseMdFangirl - 10/8/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML

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By punchedhelper - 20/6/2012 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2019 02:01

Snug as a bug…

Today, my nose had been feeling weirdly uncomfortable all day. After I got home, I blew my nose really hard. I found that a bug had been resting inside my nose the entire time. FML

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By hey-ooo - 28/10/2009 01:15 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the cafeteria with my friends when I suddenly passed out due to my hypoglycemia. When I woke up, I discovered that I was still in the same spot and my friends had abandoned me to go to class. Also, my stuff was stolen. FML

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By elrjay - 20/6/2017 02:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I'm laying in my holiday apartment with the patio doors open, listening to the german man next door take dirty pics of his wife on the balcony. I'm too scared to get up and shut the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 20:08 - United States

Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes "betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2014 17:29 - United States - Canastota

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2019 23:00

Complicated relationship

Today my girlfriend of three years broke up with me. Why? She wasn’t sure about the relationship anymore. She seemed pretty sure though, seeing she was on Tinder less than 2 hours after, thanks to the 3 different friends that all called me about it. FML

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By Adopted - 14/6/2016 21:22

Today, my mom realized that the "door" part in "screen door" doesn't block sound when she began to talk to our neighbours about how much of a failure I am. I heard everything. FML

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By Iarla_ceapaire93 - 16/6/2015 17:27 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML

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By creepyguy - 26/12/2009 12:06 - Australia

Today, I noticed a girl looking at me on the train. Playing it cool, I decided to give her a smile and see what would happen. It came out as a creepy, seedy grin, prompting her to call security. FML

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By sparkrok - 6/3/2014 00:36 - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work, I was standing around, doing nothing. When my coworker pointed this out, I laughed and said, "It's okay, I'm training for a supervisor position!" Guess who was standing right behind me. FML

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By Flighted - 22/9/2012 04:54 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, I had to suffer through a four hour flight beside my ex. Yesterday, I proposed, on the last day of our vacation. She said no. FML

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By Deaththreat101 - 8/8/2012 20:39 - United States - Evanston

Today, I posted a Facebook status on how I hated the new Batman movie. I'm now single, and have received multiple threats. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 21:31 - Ireland

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML

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By gayboii - 19/3/2011 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, while at a boring lecture, I heard some people behind me whispering and laughing. I turned around, wondering what was so funny, which made them laugh even more. I then realised it looked like I'd been giving my pen a blowjob for the last 10 minutes. FML

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By jayne_dhoe - 22/11/2009 07:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML

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By _TaToRtOt_ - 18/7/2011 13:08 - United States

Today, my step dad stole over $400 worth of savings from me. He spent it on alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero. FML

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By sadlrana121 - 10/1/2015 22:46 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

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By Joey - 24/7/2012 05:04 - United States - Tampa

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2017 15:00

Today, while driving to work, an idiot pulled out of a junction without looking and wiped me out. I'm now in hospital with two broken legs, looking at employment pages because I didn't give work "enough notice" about my absence. FML

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By awkwardmandy - 11/3/2016 18:28 - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

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By annonoymus - 16/3/2010 16:00 - Australia

Today, I was having an in depth discussion with my girlfriends father about how corrupt journalists are and how our town's paper is the worst paper on the planet. After insulting basically everything about the newspaper, I asked him what he did for a living. He's the editor of the newspaper. FML

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By bells - 30/12/2010 06:08 - United States

Today, at the office, after a heavy night of drinking, I had to hear my boss walk around with bells attached to her shoes. She circled the office a total of 34 times today. FML

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By fmjob - 17/8/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I got a raise. A 10 cent raise. I have worked at my job for over 3 years. I now make 20 cents more an hour than people that have only worked there 3 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 20:00

It's only a bit of liquid fun, come on!

Today, I asked the guy I'm dating if he could not drink on our next date, because he ends up drunk-driving every time. His response was, "This isn't working out." FML

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By in love with an idiot - 20/11/2016 11:47 - Angola - Luanda

Today, my soon-to-be husband showed up with an animal print suit at our engagement ceremony. FML

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By phatkroger10 - 10/4/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML

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By Phil - 30/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Plain City

Today, I was driving slightly off road for work to clean a well. I didn't want to get my boots muddy by walking the last 20 ft through mud, so I tried to drive through. I spent the next four hours on hands and knees digging my way out. FML

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Top comments

By ThrottleJockey | 34

#7590127 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 4:12

Ahh, but is blood wet?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7594033 - Friday 2 February 2018 16:25

That kid is mentally unstaple!

Hopefully the nurse will Bostich you up, so you can go back to class and Swingline your book bag into that kid’s face.

COMMENTS

By ThrottleJockey | 34

#7590127 - Wednesday 24 January 2018 4:12

Ahh, but is blood wet?

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7593999 - Friday 2 February 2018 15:02

Looks like I learned a new tactic for debating!

By IAmClay | 24

#7594013 - Friday 2 February 2018 15:40

That’s a really uncalled for reaction by that kid. FYL, hope it’s nothing serious

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7594015 - Friday 2 February 2018 15:51

Water isn't wet, unless you flick it with your tongue and spell the alphabet.

By Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 | 20

#7594022 - Friday 2 February 2018 15:56

Depends on what type of water we're talking about...
Ice isn't wet. Neither is steam. Only liquid water is wet. Then again liquid water is basically just very dense steam which isn't wet. And ice is less dense water which also isn't liquid...

Reply

Dave_Davington | 33

#7594023 - Friday 2 February 2018 15:59

You could argue that the definition of wetness is a thing that isn't water being in contact with water. So by this definition, water itself isn't wet, only the things that are in contact with said water are wet.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7594033 - Friday 2 February 2018 16:25

That kid is mentally unstaple!

Hopefully the nurse will Bostich you up, so you can go back to class and Swingline your book bag into that kid’s face.

By Mary Jones | 4

#7594044 - Friday 2 February 2018 17:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By BasketBallForever293 | 17

#7594286 - Saturday 3 February 2018 10:41

I'll only say this once people so listen. WATER IS WET.

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7594370 - Saturday 3 February 2018 17:01

Have you seen my stapler? Oh, you have.

By Bakemono | 4

#7594430 - Saturday 3 February 2018 20:55

Quite unstaple eh