By mortifying - United Kingdom - Harlow

Skinny girl

Today, I started playing footsie with the girl I like next to me in Biology. Turns out it was the table leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

563

You deserved it

1814

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Expanding universe

Nothing honey, nothing

By Whosthegroom - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45061

You deserved it

3640

Favorite

By Manly Sneeze

Today, I would like to say I pinched a nerve throwing punches, but no, I did it by sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13014

You deserved it

1516

Favorite

By zetuga - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28385

You deserved it

5332

Favorite

Today, it's been a week and a half since our hot water stopped working. Our landlord said he'll get on to it "in 3 days", after having said this already a few days before. I have to wash myself with a bucket and boiled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1970

You deserved it

157

Favorite

By fail - United States

Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to Facebook on a public computer after they had left. Trying to teach them a lesson, I updated their Facebook status to something outrageous. That's when they came back to the computer after getting something from the printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7556

You deserved it

67802

Favorite

By Jebus - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9076

You deserved it

34658

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By STFU!

Caught the bug

Today, my girlfriend has been randomly screaming out, “Coronavirus! Hehehe!” in a scarily accurate Cardi B impression. She’s been doing it for days and refuses to stop. I’m starting to think facing the damn virus might be less annoying at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1694

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57915

You deserved it

5974

Favorite

By "deerling" - United States - Phoenix

Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year old Brother heard me and started crying and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about that time his sister farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1856

You deserved it

302

Favorite

By Galaxy-eyes photon human - 4/6/2020 02:00

Misery

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me. The worst part is I’m currently stuck in his house and can’t even deal with a fight right now. Why? Because I just had surgery this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1764

You deserved it

323

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By snoozerlooser - Canada

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40304

You deserved it

7741

Favorite

By brando2k5 - United States

Today, I got the official word my wife is pregnant. Her sister, who lives with us, is also pregnant. I'm stuck in an apartment with two women due in late 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39821

You deserved it

5735

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I bought some new led under glow lights for underneath my car. I was putting them on when my dad came out, insisted on taking over, and then proceeded to break them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2054

You deserved it

630

Favorite

By well_f_u_too

Today, I took a night train for the first time. I woke up at 4 am to the beeping of smoke alarms and thick white smoke everywhere. The train had caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2968

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/4/2021 13:59

It's not called a pandemic for nothing

Today, I found out that no matter how careful you are during this pandemic, wearing a mask, washing hands, and social distancing, you can still get COVID. FML

I agree, your life sucks

824

You deserved it

182

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "happy birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40239

You deserved it

4233

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Truth

Today, I recently started seeing a girl and I slept over at her house for the first time. Apparently, I still talk in my sleep. This morning she told me I whispered, "I love you so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

737

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over 2 years said he wants to get married before he leaves for basic training. Not because he loves me, but because he'll get paid more if he's married. This is the only time he's been excited about marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41732

You deserved it

4941

Favorite

By LizzyJones - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55094

You deserved it

8965

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Victoria

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16322

You deserved it

13365

Favorite

By Jake - Australia

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50862

You deserved it

6483

Favorite

By me - United States - West Babylon

Today, I found out that the guy who asked me out only did so because he thought I "looked rich." He broke everything off once he found out I live in a one-bedroom apartment and drive a 14-year old Volvo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49829

You deserved it

4628

Favorite

By Mee - Kuwait

Self-care

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10655

You deserved it

39250

Favorite

By fuckendog - Australia - Virginia

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21205

You deserved it

55587

Favorite

By Distressed - United States

Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66545

You deserved it

3532

Favorite

By BeerSlut - Portugal - Santa Marta De Penagui?o

Today, my mother called me a slut and unladylike because I prefer beer instead of wine. Apparently, beer's only for "unladylike sluts". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24048

You deserved it

2155

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24790

You deserved it

2409

Favorite

By parasheeeet - United States - Birmingham

Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18028

You deserved it

19887

Favorite

By AliRocks - United States

Today, I got a ticket for vandalizing public property. I decided to draw a cat on the street outside my house in sidewalk chalk. I'm 20, and I have to explain to my parents why I'm playing with chalk instead of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18840

You deserved it

26585

Favorite

By waytootan - United States

Today, I came in to work looking very tan. I took Friday off to go to a friend's funeral, which was outdoors, and I tan very easily. Now my boss and everyone else thinks I lied about my friend's death to get off work on a Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35915

You deserved it

3112

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33302

You deserved it

18614

Favorite

By Baconcook3000 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I put 7 kisses at the end of a text instead of 10. She said that our relationship was bound to fail if "I can't remember important things like that". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50721

You deserved it

6135

Favorite

By DumbassRoaster - United States - Fairview

Today, I was woken up by my dad and my dog barking at each other, and my dad yelling, "I am the Alpha male!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

12503

You deserved it

1712

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my parents are getting divorced. They're fighting over the dog instead of my sister and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46846

You deserved it

3918

Favorite

By SpiderMan - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57325

You deserved it

106371

Favorite

By Mommabear

Thief

Today, I caught my husband's crazy aunt attempting to steal from my daughter's piggy bank. When I confronted her, she tried to defend herself by saying, "She's 2 months-old, she doesn't need the money!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

3939

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By penguins - United States

Today, I found out that in the three years I've been dating my boyfriend, his parents have secretly been going through all of his emails, including the ones I've sent him with "sexy" pictures attached. I can't look his parents in the eye without being reminded that they've both seen me naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27108

You deserved it

14651

Favorite

By GothicbunnyxC - Canada

Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9640

You deserved it

35316

Favorite

By depressednupset - United States

Today, my mother told me to 'quit having a pity party'. I was just diagnosed with depression. I've lost my boyfriend, my job, my academic standing, and I just got rejected from every graduate school I applied for. And my mother thinks I'm a cry baby. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42444

You deserved it

8205

Favorite

By Whoops...

Today, my breakfast disagreed with me and I shit myself unexpectedly at the laundromat, right after starting the washer with all of my other pants in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2695

You deserved it

283

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7854780 - Monday 28 October 2019 23:42

Hopefully, you'll learn enough biology to know that girls' legs don't feel like wood.

By Mathalamus | 24

#7854755 - Monday 28 October 2019 21:20

You shouldn't be doing that anyway.

COMMENTS

By Mathalamus | 24

#7854755 - Monday 28 October 2019 21:20

You shouldn't be doing that anyway.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7854780 - Monday 28 October 2019 23:42

Hopefully, you'll learn enough biology to know that girls' legs don't feel like wood.

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7854785 - Tuesday 29 October 2019 0:19

Sounds like your having nice relationship with your table leg. Be careful playing footsie you don’t want to break a leg

By weeping_willow | 25

#7854819 - Tuesday 29 October 2019 4:37

That’s mortifying to you? Oh boy, wait till you have sex for the first time.

By Mungolikecandy | 19

#7854854 - Tuesday 29 October 2019 8:42

You just like her but are not dating? Why are you trying to play footsie?

By Meghan Mayhugh | 5

#7854946 - Tuesday 29 October 2019 14:04

We’ve all been there.