Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, a couple of friends and I were driving around town and saw a lady who had accidentally backed her car up onto a concrete wall. Laughing, we all turned to look as we passed and I drove straight into a parked police car that had stopped to help her. FML
Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead." FML
Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML
Today, at a restaurant, I noticed a really hot girl leaving with her friend. A few minutes later they came back, laughing uncontrollably, and announced that some moron forgot to put on their parking brake and the car was rolling into the full parking lot. It was my car. They watched me chase it. FML
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, I had an important interview. On the way there, I stopped in front of a car window to look at my reflection, checking I didn't have salad stuck between my teeth. Having pulled several faces, I realised that there were two girls inside the car, cracking up with laughter. FML
Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML
Today, I was singing and drumming on the steering wheel in my car while stuck in traffic, only to realize the car next to me was full of my carpooling coworkers, all staring at me in disbelief. They spent the day at the office requesting songs. FML
Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML
Today, I lied and said I was late for work because my car's tire was flat. Two hours later, some of my friends came in and said something along the lines that, "We should do brunch every Saturday, (like this morning) it was awesome!" in front of my manager. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
olivejuice 0
I would hit "you deserved it" ten times if I could. You're sitting in a 5x5 box, and you're driving ie the one responsible, not that hard to figure out who is in the car with you!
Jimboom 12
Open mouth Insert foot With the other foot kick your own ass
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (86)
d347hm4n 0
#10, #5 is a female, par for the course for them. If they didn't talk shit about each other they would actually have to make intelligent conversation!
loopy_fml 0
Not very observant, are we?
mastercrammer 0
yes it was ignorant of you to not notice her there but then again it would be totally fine talking that way about a friend if she was there and you know that she can hear you. it'll be gossiping about each other, it's what me and my girlfriends do. we say things as they are.
UnluckyDom 0
How the HELL did you not know she's in the car?!
ksk 0
ahahahaha idiot
ilikerainbows 0
Sounds like Lisa deserved it! hahaha
Mnemic 6
What does 'Lisa totally hanging off of Pat' mean? I'm a stupid foreigner so maybe someone would like to explain it to me what it means in other words? :)
veesky 0
basically lisa was constantly with pat.....
chubbz 0
My sister is Lisa and my boyfriend is Pat and I had to read it over a couple times to realize that you weren't talking about them. Ha ha ha.
Rick_S 3
Mnemic, When someone is "totally hanging off" someone, it means that they are constantly touching them, hugging them, holding their hands, kissing them, have their arms around them. But not in a good way. More like a way that makes you think they should be doing it only in private.
Mnemic 6
Ahh, its clear now Rick_S. Thank you very much! :)
Laitue_fml 0
With you as a friend Lisa defs doesn't need any enemies. Also @14: It's not "totally fine". If you behave that way towards your friends then you're a horrible friend. If someone is your friend you don't badmouth them behind their back period. If they've done something you don't approve of you talk about it in private one on one. Both you and the OP need to grow up.