Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML
Today, I witnessed my karate instructor whimper and practically piss himself as a guy walked up to him in the street and demanded his wallet. What a total waste of hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons. FML
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Today, I was practising kicks with a a woman in my MMA class and for some reason she dropped her pads to ask me a question at the last second, and I kicked her in the jaw. I got banned from the class for not being careful. She’s the one lowered the pad in the middle of practice. FML
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
Today, I was teaching and a boy sitting in front kept laughing and smiling, even after I asked him to cut it out. I got so annoyed that I jokingly said I'd knock his teeth out, and asked him to leave the class. The kid went to the principal and told him I intended to hurt him. I'm a college professor. FML
Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML
Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
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Top comments
ztpalmer93 0
what did you do to deserve that
effthis 0
hope your kids are ok
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Comments (173)
doloreshaze_fml 0
Dude, I think that was his way of asking you out.
Amkii 0
How the hell is that teaching someone manners? Seems like the exact opposite to me.
hushamushut 0
You're a ******* pussy.
alex_vik 1
What the **** are you talking about?
toastedbread 0
You should have peed on him.
metawarr556 3
I simply can't believe that it was without reason. You must have done something wrong.
drimpossible 0
Unless.... the sensei was just a volatile jerk?
eli_guerra 0
******....why would somebody touch your balls?
philosopher 0
Hm, who said the OP has to be a kid? Usually the people who do that have a reason for doing it. But, some people just use martial arts as something to feed their ego or insecurity, or as a power trip. Anyway, sorry this happened to you.
thelonelylurker 0
I don't know, while that seems kind of overboard, you probably deserved it.
ithedarkknight 0
this makes no sense you sit and write fmls after being violated and getting your ball sack crushed... why join a karate class if your bitchmade and make grown men squeeze your balls?