227

Today, at 3:00 am, I sat with my 3 year-old adopted daughter while she tried to go back to sleep. She had had a nightmare, and I read that "not leaving" was the most important thing a father could do. My wife woke and called me a pervert for sitting there. FML

By me - / Wednesday 15 July 2009 08:02 / United States
Add a comment
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Create my account Sign in
Top comments
By  RESTAREA  |  0

Hopefully she was just joking? And, I mean, it was 3am, she was probably out of it anyway. No worries, you did the right thing and it's good that you're not letting her come into your own bed when those things happen because then they'll do it all the time. That's how it was with my brothers, atleast.

By  patrickhb  |  0

If she's serious, then she's clearly not cut out for parenthood - certainly not adoption. She's your DAUGHTER, and the fact you adopted shouldn't make a difference - your wife should understand, and shouldn't even be able to CONSIDER that. You should leave her, both because she doesn't appreciate and understand you AT ALL, and because she clearly doesn't feel the same way as you do about the adoption.

Comments
Reply
  SHEKIRA  |  0

# 33, I wouldn't say divorce her over that, seriously. We don't know the whole situation. The wife could have woken up and not known he was there because the daughter had a nightmare and was comforting her. She could have seen it as him sitting there while she's asleep (if the daughter had fallen asleep or looked like it). But I'm sure they've talked it out and she understands. However if she knew all that and still called the guy a pervert... Yeah thats not right at all. FYL. You did nothing wrong, you were being a great father.

Reply

Maybe the wife thought he was painting the kids eyes shut, or T bagging like he does to his wife???

Reply
  humorizer  |  14

Actually, she's got a point. I was thinking, "wow, what a douche. What's wrong with watching your own child to make sure they fall asleep?" But then I realized... that's not their kid.

Reply
  Moemoemoe_fml  |  0

Humorizer, adopted children BECOME your children, that's the whole point of adoption. On the other hand, pedophiles don't care AT ALL whether they're related or not to the children. The majority of cases of child abuse by pedophiles happens by the father or the uncle or other close relative. So your point makes no sense. He's not anymore likely to be a pervert because he's not related to him. The girl is 3 for crap's sake, whether they're related or not has nothing to do with anything anyway. It's not a pervert thing to watch and make sure the baby went back to sleep! Now, a sicko on the other hand wouldn't care whether she's related or not if he had bad intentions for her.

Reply
  fmlcomment  |  2

It IS their kid...not biologically, but they adopted her. Essentially, she is theirs, and it just means that her life is even more stressful than most three-year-olds, so the fact that he wants to be there for her is even more important.

Reply
  jwsmythe  |  0

There's a good bit of paranoia in any new relationship. Since he said adopted daughter, and not just daughter, and she's only 3, I would have to assume that they haven't been together all that long. The wife obviously likes him, or the marriage and adoption would have never happened. Still, it's her daughter, and she should have a healthy bit of paranoia and want to protect her little girl. I was accused of a few things with my wife's son. Mostly it was "you don't like him", which wasn't true. Sometimes she thought I just didn't want him around, which wasn't true either. He was a teenager, which in itself includes annoying bits, but generally he was a good kid. Anyone who doesn't think they were annoying as a teenager either were unaware of their behavior, or in serious denial. :) With all that said, I've spent nights up with various kids just because they were scared, or whatever. Most of them have been the children of friends of mine. Sometimes I was babysitting. Sometimes I just happened to be over and was too tired to drive home, and the kid found me sleeping on the couch and decided I was a good grownup to talk to at 3am. :) Either way, it's perfectly normal for a child to want an adult to comfort them through a bad dream or whatever. Sometimes they just want to be told, "it's ok, now go back to bed." I've gone as far as searching for "monsters" in the closet, under the bed, or even walking the perimeter of the house to make sure there was nothing bad. It's silly, but it makes the kid feel comfortable. They know there's something bigger and stronger than they are protecting them while they sleep. And I have yet to find a real monster, but I've found a few dust bunnies. :) My recommendation for him would be just to talk to his wife in the morning, and tell her what was really happening now that they're both awake and coherent. I honestly hope there was nothing to the pervert part. Unfortunately, people like that do exist. It's more reinforced by mainstream media. One pervert can make thousands of good people seem questionable. Everyone wonders, "is he doing something wrong?", when there's nothing to worry about. And yes, I'm a friend to my friends, to their kids, and I'm a father too.

Reply
  elektrik_fml  |  0

yeah seriously, what the fuck is wrong with the wife? i mean if he was sitting there taking pictures of the girl then i would say, but even if she didn't know it was a nightmare...having a step-parent be nice enough to sit with the daughter for ANY reason is a good sign.

Reply
  Pyrbaby  |  0

I'm going to go ahead and assume that you aren't adopted, or know anyone that was adopted. I've never met anyone that adopted a child and didn't think of that child as THEIRS. Yes, bad shit happens, but its uncommon in the grand scheme of things. If an adoptive parent is going to do things to their child, they would have done it to their own flesh and blood. It has nothing to do with it not being "his" kid.

Reply
  kiteofnight  |  0

...really? I'm pretty sure the "it's not their kid" comment was a joke. like, "lol adoption". clearly when you adopt a child it becomes your child etc etc. jeeeeeeez

Reply
  st0815  |  9

#73 - of course divorce is a drastic step, and he owes the kid a family, now that he has adopted her. However calling him a pervert just for comforting his daughter is a drastic accusation. It indicates an almost complete absence of trust, quite possibly some paranoia, too. Sure the OP should try to work it out first, but if that doesn't get satisfactory results he should seriously consider divorce. Such an accusation is quite dangerous. It could destroy his reputation, his career, his relationship with the child. He could even lose his freedom - the burden of proof is quite shaky in these cases, and an accusation of the wife will have considerable weight. You know what happens to people who are branded "child molesters" in prison and you know what chances they have to rebuild their lives when they get out. The guy could regret staying in this relationship for the rest of a miserable hopeless life. This woman is supposed to be in love with him, and she says something like that, just because he tries to be a good dad. What will she say when their marriage (like so many marriages) doesn't work out, three years down the line? Will she be reasonable then?

Reply
  acycrina  |  0

Completely agreed... Feeling safe as a child is very important, because otherwise they'll be scared of the dark longer and mor problems will arise from that.

Reply
  Holly_x  |  0

Humorizer: I'm an adoptee, and just because the child is adopted, it doesn't mean they're not the adoptive parents' "real" child. Pushing a baby out of your fucking vagina doesn't make you a parent. Any bitch can go out and get knocked up. It takes a real parent to raise and care for the child.

Reply
  Crncj  |  0

what is your problem people. there are people who said shit about the daughter being adopted and there are ppl who write a fucking long comment about adoption, seriously. we don't need fucking 4 paragraph long comments about adoption.

By  RESTAREA  |  0

Hopefully she was just joking? And, I mean, it was 3am, she was probably out of it anyway. No worries, you did the right thing and it's good that you're not letting her come into your own bed when those things happen because then they'll do it all the time. That's how it was with my brothers, atleast.

By  patrickhb  |  0

If she's serious, then she's clearly not cut out for parenthood - certainly not adoption. She's your DAUGHTER, and the fact you adopted shouldn't make a difference - your wife should understand, and shouldn't even be able to CONSIDER that. You should leave her, both because she doesn't appreciate and understand you AT ALL, and because she clearly doesn't feel the same way as you do about the adoption.

Reply

Well, the advice to leave her is a bit over the top I think. This is just one incident, and I don't think that's reason enough to get a divorce. But she's still a crazy paranoid bitch. Since when does being a good father make you a pedophile? Oh god he loves our daughter therefore HE MUST BE A PEDOPHILE! Cause that's what pedophiles do, right? Loving their kids and comforting them and making sure they sleep well? D: Anyway, better have a good talk with her in the morning, she seems to have some parenting issues...

Reply
  nomadxx7  |  0

@ambrosia Coming from an 18 year old girl I think that you may need to stop calling the kettle black hun. Anyways, it's not one of those terms that you use with someone you love. She called him a perv at 3 in teh morning under her own assumptions that he was being a creeper while his adopted daughter slept. Regardless of the past, present or future, that kind of negative, over-the-top comment can mean a lot. Basically the OPs wife thinks that her husband is a creepy perv who is watching his adopted daughter. The wife definitely sounds a little paranoid and I do believe counseling or a frank talk is needed to rectify this situation. I don't agree with a divorce but there are definitely warning signs that it could end messy, especially if his wife is calling him a pervert (it's uncalled for and unnecessary).

Reply
  therealmike  |  0

Advice to leave her is certainly over the top. However, assuming it was said seriously, OP does need to confront her about it, and make her know that this sort of accusation is unreasonable and unacceptable, and that it can't happen again. This doesn't have to be a horrible confrontational argument, just a simple explanation of why the accusation was so stupid and why it's not acceptable should be enough. IMO too many people in relationships try to ignore unreasonable outbursts in the hopes that it will go away. This doesn't work. Your partner is a living human too, in control of his or her own actions, and if you tell them how ridiculous they're acting they will probably cut it out.

Reply
  theanonimouse  |  0

Whoa, ambrosia, someone's feeling a bit vindictive this afternoon, eh? It's kind of contradictory to ask someone to "refrain from talking down to [you] and using that language" when they called you hun, and then turn around and do the exact same thing. I understand it was purely out of spite, but then to call nomad "immature"? It's laughable. You're the only person I see "explod[ing] at the situation" here. Also, I agree that you were calling the kettle black. Obviously you have trouble "understanding communications between people," because that was a perfectly reasonable accusation in this case, as much as you may deny it. An eighteen-year-old girl telling a seventeen-year-old boy his opinion is unfounded simply because of his age, and then giving her own opinion as if it's God's truth? You didn't mature that much in a single year, sweetheart. And hell, I'm nineteen. I'm not saying I'm any more intelligent or better at understanding this situation than either of you. I'm just saying you strike me as a really "dramatic" person here, ambrosia. And I'd just like to point out to you that you should probably stop throwing around those words and accusations when they obviously also apply to you.

Reply
  nuutsacker  |  0

ambrosia was not being vindictive. THIS is being vindictive: -i shit on your dead -a thousand dicks in your religion -a dick in your mothers rib cage -i wipe sweat off my balls and flick it in your general direction -suck butter from my ass -i put plastic wrap over your mothers face and shit on it -may you be struck by a dick -your mother sucks bears in the forest -i urinate on your grandparents -fuck the 18 generations of your ancestors -let the rats ejaculate on you -the pope fucks you -i empty my nose at your ancestors -stick your hand in my ass and jerk off with my shit -shampoo my dick hair with your saliva -brush your teeth, my dick will be inspecting soon -if you were an ice cream flavor you'd be pralines and dick -you eat pubic hair with salt dip -piss into a transformer -may you get fucked by a blind bear -i dream about farting on you -i dry my socks on your mother's vagina -floss your teeth with my pubic hairs and so on. you don't have to go breaking peoples' balls about fml posts.

By  NuclearWinter  |  0

I can't stand those type of women who think that whatever a man does, he is a perv, especially without even asking him what he was doing. Just ready to accuse, doesn't think of asking questions. What a bitch. FYL for marrying her.

By  shaynashakesit  |  0

This seems fake. If the wife thought he was a pervert or would so easily think he was being perverted in regards to their daughter, I highly doubt that she'd agree to adopt a kid with him. But if it is real, that's unfortunate. :P OP was only trying to help.

Reply

I agree...I kind of think this is fake too. Most reasonable women would not just call their husbands perverts without first trying to find out a little more about the situation. In fact, I think most mothers would be concerned as to why their husbands were up at 3 am tending to a child (i.e. "Is she alright?" "Did something happen?").

Reply
  Bcfrmkc816  |  17

Most reasonable women? There are no such people she is loony and he should run far and fast. Get a divorce as soon as possible cause all she is going to do is gossip about it and someone will call either welfare service and or police regardless of what he says he will be branded as having been arrested on sodomy

By  squiggles1020  |  0

= She sounds like this woman my dad dated. She accused my dad of being a pervert twice. One time she did it I was 9, we were on an airplane, and I was just sitting on my dad's lap and we were looking out the window below us. Yes, she accused my dad of 'touching me wrong' and called him a child molester because he let me sit on his lap. I think her and your wife would get along well. = FYL

Reply
  hellobananas  |  0

That's messed up. I still sit on my dad's lap, and I'm in highschool! I think its funny and sweet. He gives me hugs when I do it. Nothing wrong with sitting on someone's lap.

Reply
  Moemoemoe_fml  |  0

Either the paranoid woman was molested when she was a kid, or she's one of those products of the modern society who's never been around kids and thinks anything is pedophilia. "Oh, you looked at that child and smiled!! You sick degenerate!!"-type of people, like the OP's wife. The onslaught of BS news and paranoia over pedophilia, via the TV and the internet, does that to people a lot. It's a horribly serious subject, and idiots getting paranoid over normal people not being perverts at all only makes matters worse, because meanwhile, real pedophiles cruise by undetected because of all the dumbasses crying wolf for no reason. :-/

Reply
  justindrew14  |  29

My dad's girlfriend does that. She thinks because I'm his step daughter he shouldn't have anything to do with me because him and my mom are divorced. Even though I don't know my real dad and he raised me since I was two and I consider him my real dad and he thinks of me as his real daughter. Anytime I'm around him or he hugs me she is always telling my mom that he's doing inappropriate things with me. Of course my mom doesn't believe this.

By  darkmis1  |  17

Your a really good dad to do that for your daughter. Just ignore your wife-it wuz 3 am, she wuz prbly too tired. I wish my dad has been like that-your daughter will really approciate it.

Loading data…