Today, at martial arts practice, a guest sensei wanted to teach me some "manners". He pinned me down and proceded to choke me while crushing my nuts with his hands and yelling at me in front of the whole class, "DOES THAT HURT?!!?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I threw a punch at my sensei like he told me to, except he failed to block it like he assured me he would. Now I'm banned from his classes and I'm pretty sure he's going to get the police involved. FML
Today, I witnessed my karate instructor whimper and practically piss himself as a guy walked up to him in the street and demanded his wallet. What a total waste of hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons. FML
Today, I was showing some new karate moves in the park to my friends. I mimed a punch behind a girl walking past to show my technique and control, but she must have seen me. She turned around and kicked me in the stomach. To add insult to injury, her technique was better than mine. FML
Today, I was practising kicks with a a woman in my MMA class and for some reason she dropped her pads to ask me a question at the last second, and I kicked her in the jaw. I got banned from the class for not being careful. She’s the one lowered the pad in the middle of practice. FML
Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
Today, I was teaching and a boy sitting in front kept laughing and smiling, even after I asked him to cut it out. I got so annoyed that I jokingly said I'd knock his teeth out, and asked him to leave the class. The kid went to the principal and told him I intended to hurt him. I'm a college professor. FML
Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML
Today, in my karate dojo, I was being taught how to fall properly. My sensei instructed us not to fall with our hands out because it could sprain our wrists. As I was getting ready to help demonstrate a backwards break fall, I actually fell over. Guess where my hands went. FML
Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
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Top comments
ztpalmer93 0
what did you do to deserve that
effthis 0
hope your kids are ok
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Comments (173)
wroughtinfire 0
I'd love to see the sort of chokehold he had on you if he was able to crush your balls with his hands.
thereitgo 1
My guest instructor was a thug... and a bully. One night he goes off crazier than usual and tries to assault a student. The regular instructor teaches him some manners to defend the students. He doesn't like that. Not. One. Bit.
drimpossible 0
triangle choke can use the legs
burb_fml 0
It would be hard to triangle someone and crush their balls at the same time unless if it's a reverse triangle choke.
drimpossible 0
Maybe we are using different terms. See about 1:56 into the below http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0D7PdajRuA his right hand is in a good position to crush the groin
burb_fml 0
Yeah, you could when executed like that.
GrapefruitZoe 0
Manners can't be taught by ball crushing. Ball crushing is only permissible under certain circumstances, such as rape, murder, abuse, and similar misdeeds. What a jackass.
MoobyTheCow 2
I'm pretty sure he just choked you without procession.
burb_fml 0
To everyone who thinks he must have deserved it, I met an asshole teaching ninjutsu once who was pretty much abusing one of his students. He was taking locks too far, jerking him around to hurt him more and so on. You do get dickheads like this who abuse their students to look cool or strong. With that said, I wouldn't imagine something like this happening as easily in a more sportsmanlike martial art like Judo or BJJ.
Fire_Pwn3d 0
Woa, he grabbed your balls and pinned you down? FYL
jaybrown 0
Maybe he was being rude. (DON'T WORRY: I DIDN'T CLICK YDI)
RunZoneFive 0
Thats messed up.
Zakky_Ketchup 0
YDI for not grabbing HIS balls and winking up at him.
bluebrody7 0
You must racka disciprine.