Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, my cat woke me up at 3 a.m. by jumping from the shelf and landing on my nutsack. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
Nipples are very dangerous things. Especially left ones. Your cat was just trying to look out for you.
randomboy18 0
that pussy just wanted some milk
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Comments (135)
WeezyBites 6
I love this FML so much. Perhaps a bit too much.
DKjazz 20
Is that a real bunny? It's CUTE!
fjretsel 1
can I attack the one on the right? I promise I won't scratch.
johnjohnfries 0
lmao I think everyone scratches
jane79 0
you should wear a shirt to bed n that won't happen so u deserve it what a great cat
fumsup 2
Who where's shirts to bed?
Nimmrodel 11
I do and a tie and sometimes cufflinks though that depends on what mood I'm in.
ubetrwatchBN 5
I wear a hazmat suit to bed, what's the big deal?
gotbiscuits 0
Maybe OP is a man. Men don't wear shirts in bed.
Nimmrodel 11
And you speak for every man in the whole world do you?
ngarcia333 0
I'm sure there must be a law that says so. Come on
calcetines 0
I think he means no man that he's slept with has worn a shirt. ;D
gotbiscuits 0
#61 I do. Those who I don't speak for are not considered to be men.
WillKill4Beer 0
YDI for having a useless cat!
towhomitmayconce 0
cats aren't useless! not only do they make funny youtube videos, but in large numbers they can keep strange old women company.
ImInABox 6
It was Dr. Evil's cat!
fumsup 2
Mr Bigglesworth!!!
johnnybagodonuts 2
no, mini me. we don't gnaw on our kitty
jane79 0
or maybe it was the cat from the smurfs
DKjazz 20
Azriel was the name of the cat from the smurfs. Fun fact: also the name of the angel of death.
Bball_boy15 3
leave.
jdeshnerx3 0
ydi for allowing your cat access to your nipple to begin with
Katelynn22 6
that sucks man
impossible_love 8
the thing is #14, it doesnt say the OP is a woman.... but wow, sucks for you OP
Skatejock21 0
hahah YDI. Put the cat in their cage if you don't want it to attack you.. problem solved.
icekitten14 12
Have you ever had a cat? Cats don't just "go in cages". Then you would be up all night listening to your cat howling. And you'd wake up to cat piss all over the cage/floor around the cage.
taelorrae011 0
oo ouch ):