Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML
Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I was accidently stabbed in the shin with a pen, right before a long weekend. It will need stitches. FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML
Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML
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Top comments
txgirl2013 14
Show your switch blade skills on his face.
GhettoXmuffin 7
This is why I'm not having kids
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Comments (139)
Anubyte 0
I was expecting you to deflect the rubber band back to his face, I expect better next time.
brianjman14 23
What a moron. Don't distract people with knives.
madgrinchhatter 12
Don't use knives to distract people or don't distract people that are using knives?
linkinpark98 24
Next time while that same kid is performing, it'll be your turn to throw something at him. :D How about a watermelon filled with fire crackers?
loserman67 36
So you failed to mention where on the kid the switchblade is now stuck. "Ladies and Gentlemen as you can plainly see I have lodged the blade directly between that kids eyes. Years of training and practice allow me to make a throw like that. Now, are there any other assholes who think they are funny in the audience? Can I continue on with my show? Thank you"
abbybailey204 19
Now apologize!
ms_YoungMula 8
*Note to self, rubber band > knife
shrekus 0
Who brings a rubber band to a knife fight anyways?
ddeboer4 9
I don't know, but next time, I will.
bubo_fml 11
Fire a condom back at him...
rubberduckie94 13
so i am geussing that your skills may be good , but your reflexes suck. "oh god no help i handle deadly weapons for my job, but that kid has a rubber band. oh the humanity."
Jirekianu2 19
If that shit catches you in the face or eye it's going to surprise/distract you. How can you not fathom that?
rubberduckie94 13
i can fathom it. its called a joke that i made.
DocBastard 40
That's one sharp rubber band.
ms_YoungMula 8
So the kid knows he's about to get f*cked up for what he did