Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML
Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I was accidently stabbed in the shin with a pen, right before a long weekend. It will need stitches. FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML
Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
txgirl2013 14
Show your switch blade skills on his face.
GhettoXmuffin 7
This is why I'm not having kids
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (139)
aniroc 0
Little ******.
varkey 7
Wtf, did you press charges?
graham11 14
3- that awkward moment when you try to crack a joke and no one finds it funny, so you retreat back to a dark corner and curl up in a ball.
idoam 8
That kid deserves an act of his own. He's got some impressive aim.
baden18830 5
fake. only knife u need skills to perform is butterfly knife. if u gonna make something up at least know right name for the knife...
gene818 13
Scare him by throwing your switchblade with your other hand and near miss him (only attempt if you're confident enough)
yousirareamong 5
Cut the ***** smug little face off
sjhill 32
oh no! get well soon!
NightJack 0
What skills can one have with a switchblade? Open, stab, cut, close? A balasong I could understand.
al1243 0
You can't show skills with a switchblade it's called a butterfly knife
Llamacod 11
We're you there? Do you know his act? Why couldn't it be switchblades? Maybe he juggles knives. I am going to have to presume the performer knows which kind of knife he was using better than some lame ass person who wasn't there