Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML
Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML
Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I was accidently stabbed in the shin with a pen, right before a long weekend. It will need stitches. FML
Today, I got so bored that I drew a face on my index finger, and made a video of me garrotting it with a string. I ended up rupturing a blood vessel, and had to think up a cover story for my girlfriend to explain my screaming. FML
Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML
Today, while showing off the sharpness of my new katana, I missed my target and hit my shoe. The strike cut into the second toe of my right foot, which then had to be amputated. Demonstration successful. FML
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Top comments
txgirl2013 14
Show your switch blade skills on his face.
GhettoXmuffin 7
This is why I'm not having kids
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Comments (139)
MelTheGreat 23
Those rubber bands will get you every time.
bubo_fml 11
Instant payback...Invite the lil' Bollocks up on stage. Blind fold him, piss in a cup & offer him some 'lemonade!' "Oh, sorry son, looks like my magic trick back fired!"
KiddNYC1O 22
And for your next act you'll need a volunteer. Pick the kid, put him in a box, cut him in half and say "uh oh"...
uKNOuLOVEit 0
Best show ever?
biasedshooter 24
I hope the kid is in serious trouble...
tylersign 11
Wow that was really dumb.
brocode86 0
why are you showing off with a sharpened knife?
murdersquirrel 15
It seems that you missed the first part of the FML. Allow me to reiterate. He was working at his job as a performer. So that's why.
cosmosis 12
Yep. You're a real funny f***er arent ya! ... Just for your info thats sarcasm you twat
perdix 31
Looks like you need to sharpen your skills and not your knife. Get my point?
Dixie___Normous 0
I dare myself, for u perdix. QUAD!!!
craZ3 0
u're fn dead kid!!!