Work: Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable...

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 995

You deserved it 3 592

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 489

You deserved it 5 028

By Anonymous - 02/10/2012 19:39 - United States - Richland

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 715

You deserved it 2 956

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 2 564

Ivy league

By WasteOMoney - 04/07/2011 01:50 - United States

Today, my son called me from medical school, asking for a new phone. Why? Because he dropped it in the toilet. How? Trying to take a video of his anus while taking a dump. I pay $80,000 a year just to hear he took a dump on his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 806

You deserved it 6 263

By sirenmario - 20/01/2011 00:52

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 005

You deserved it 2 679

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 67

By welp24 - 28/10/2018 03:00

Today, at the age of 25, for the first time in my life, I was lying mostly naked in front of a man while he was inserting something in my body. Too bad that man was a doctor and that thing was a colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 192

You deserved it 362

Nice.

By poururheartout - 27/07/2018 20:30

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 269

You deserved it 379

By captainkevineff - 11/03/2010 14:44 - United States

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 947

You deserved it 3 638

By Stuck - 08/09/2011 10:00 - United States

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 336

You deserved it 67 796

WCARlover 34

Monday 9 September 2013 3:02

I get calls from assholes all the time, though...(I work in retail)

Nyx_fml 23

Monday 9 September 2013 3:02

Hey, he was just trying to make contact with Uranus. Or Hisanus, rather.

Comments

Calingaladha 21

Monday 9 September 2013 9:33

I bet that experience really rectum...

WhiteCrimson 23

Monday 9 September 2013 9:56

We had a pastor come in for a removal of a ***** that lodged sideways in his anus!!!

fleur_de_fevrier_fml 22

Monday 9 September 2013 11:29

I don't think it's human stupidity OP, more like some weird fetiche...

gentrysu 10

Monday 9 September 2013 11:46

Let's just hope you don't get caught breaking HIPAA and lose your job over this! I'm sure you know better. It's not like this is common.

gentrysu 10

Monday 9 September 2013 11:54

Never mind. I see you aren't in America.

imabassist 23

Monday 9 September 2013 12:33

I'd call it off at this point.

beanthemouse 13

Monday 9 September 2013 13:56

The expression "talking out of your bum" goes to a whole new level...

slackerjoe 22

Monday 9 September 2013 14:52

trying to talk out of his ass again

adgatlin 4

Monday 9 September 2013 15:32

I bet that call was a pain in the ass

dawood_k 27

Monday 9 September 2013 15:51

Ring it up doc

ninety 25

Monday 9 September 2013 16:29

Instructions were not clear enough, my phone is stuck in my ass.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my fat brother has nothing wrong with him. His blood pressure, cholesterol, and absolutely everything are perfectly normal, despite him being 10 stone overweight. I'm 12 stone and exercise regularly, yet I have 4 separate serious medical conditions, one of which might one day kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 194

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 479

You deserved it 4 934

The Top

Today, my dad started Skype-ing with his long-distance friend. They’re both almost 90, barely have their hearing, and can't stop shouting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 187

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 105

You deserved it 5 348

Today, I babysat my little cousin. He thought that a glue stick would have the same effect as chapstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 785

You deserved it 747

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 196

You deserved it 3 692

Today, at Walmart, a lady came up to me and informed me that I "look like the kinda skank that'd give it up on the first date". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 529

You deserved it 3 158

Today, I don’t usually ask much from my dad because I know how incapable he is but after two years delaying my wedding due to Covid restrictions, I thought I could at least ask him to stay sober long enough to walk me down the aisle. More fool me I suppose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 99

Same thing different taste

Ivy league

Bag for life

Nice.

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