Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started... - FML

By MDoremis - 24/2/2015 04:58 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

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Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Tense

Vicious and unprovoked

By Red Face, too - 24/10/2018 13:30

Today, I saw Niagra Falls. Not the one in Canada, but the one that was released when I went to check on my period at work. I had no change of clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2014 18:15 - United States

Today, I asked my mom why nobody likes me. She reeled off about a dozen reasons. FML

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By thankzbabe - 4/1/2012 12:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

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By jb123 - 29/12/2020 20:00 - United States - Rock Springs

I'm still young

Today, I was sitting in a waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut." I'm 23 and married. FML

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By jenpearl - 20/6/2015 01:06 - Australia

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

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By WhatTheFuck - 30/7/2015 15:30 - United States - Bridgeview

Today, I had to listen to my grandma talk about how she's "allergic" to toilet paper, and how she lets nature "take care of it". FML

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By ninnang - 9/7/2014 21:37 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2015 05:34

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

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By morgan_rumm - 11/7/2014 20:02

Today, I texted my mom asking how she was doing. Apparently she's great, and on her honeymoon. I didn't know she was getting married, or that my parents had just gotten divorced. FML

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By scarred4life - 18/1/2009 19:18 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

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By sydysyd - 21/11/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML

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By HeatherFeatherB - 5/1/2016 03:27 - United States - Mundelein

Today, one of my customers told me he was going to kill himself when I explained to him that I wasn't going to be able to deliver him the gallon of milk he wanted. I work in a pharmacy, dispensing medication. FML

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By oooops - 24/1/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I went to a social event with a very attractive male co-worker. Things were going awesome, we were flirting and really hitting it off. Then his 'wife' called. FML

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By UGGGH that was my 2nd attempt too - 4/9/2013 21:14 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of: "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

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By Awkward - 4/12/2013 22:29 - United States - Redmond

Today, my neighbor put up an electric fence to keep my five-year-old son out. FML

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By How - 18/4/2018 01:30

Today, I received a letter from my apartment complex saying I have an unauthorized tenant living with me. I must provide proof they don't live with me in the next 72 hours or I get kicked out. Nobody lives with me, and I don't know how to prove it. FML

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By - 27/12/2018 18:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I realized the only real accomplishment I've had in my life that I take any pride in is that I've had an FML published. FML

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By blahmina - 23/1/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I had to walk home from school in the rain, because my mom "didn't have a car to pick me up in". But when I got home, the car had magically appeared. Just great. FML

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By Hayleey_079 - 18/2/2010 14:22 - United Kingdom

Today, a picture fell off of the wall in the middle of the night. It hit me smack bang in the middle of face. FML

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By anonymousyo - 24/4/2015 22:04 - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 17:46 - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

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By huulo - 16/11/2010 10:07

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

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By Ryan - 11/6/2011 14:24 - United States

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

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By fucked - 6/2/2015 08:06 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in a desperate attempt to get fired, I sent a sexual love letter to my boss. We're going on our first date tomorrow. FML

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By Hth - 28/10/2008 00:13 - United States

Today, I farted A LOT during my exam, all silent so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I am now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML

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By MyLegsHurt - 28/10/2015 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

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By newhostess - 11/4/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, I was training for my new job at a restaurant. As part of training, they give you free food so you know what to reccommend, and the dish I got was really good. Eight hours later I saw it again while I was puking; I got food poisoning from my own place of work. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2010 22:26 - United States

Today, after an argument with a coworker, I sent him "Sorry about being such a jerk" in a reply to a mass email he had sent. I accidentally hit 'Reply All'. I now have 32 "It's okay" messages in my inbox. FML

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By ScrewedOver - 2/1/2010 00:09 - United States

Today, is January 1st. Last night, I threw a party. Only 3 people came. Luckily, one of the people who came was the love of my life, I had been hoping to get a midnight kiss from him. Unluckly, he decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. At my party. They were liplocked almost the whole time. FML

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By sickness and health my sphincter - 22/3/2013 21:53 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my 2-year-old daughter and my 27-year-old husband both woke me up in the early hours of the morning. Their complaints were the same: they'd both wet the bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 08:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over with a broken engraved bracelet that I paid 50 dollars for. I was so angry but when I stated "I am going to call them and get a new one!" my boyfriend said back to me "No it's okay, I didn't really like it anyways." It was for our 2 year anniversary. FML

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By BrewPack - 14/7/2014 02:22 - United States - Slinger

Today, the couple who had written the offer we had accepted for our house withdrew it because apparently when they came by for the home inspection, my next door neighbor's teenage son tried to sell them heroin. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2016 21:55 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, the cockroach infestation at my house has gotten so bad that I can now tell the difference between male and female cockroaches. FML

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By NoSleep - 26/9/2009 14:30 - United States

Today, I had my first day off in weeks. I was excited about getting to sleep in, until my boss called me at 6:30 in the morning to remind me I didn't have to come into work. Thanks. FML

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By Tree - 30/7/2010 11:34 - France

Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is because it's cheaper than paying child support." FML

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By theskippster - 30/5/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

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By ImprovTeacher - 16/6/2019 14:05

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

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By ghost? - 16/12/2012 08:31 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't spend the day with me as he had his grandmother's funeral. Lonely, I went shopping and I bumped into his mum having lunch with his 'dead' grandma. FML

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By Worstjob - 3/3/2011 00:35 - United States

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

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Top comments

By rieebee | 23

#6212405 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:42

Dragons are awesome, who cares what others think.

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6212411 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:47

Hopefully you didn't get so nervous that you started to Hiccup.

Of course if a guy ever laughed at me for liking kid movies then he would become Toothless.

COMMENTS

By rieebee | 23

#6212405 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:42

Dragons are awesome, who cares what others think.

Reply

Noelletakumi | 36

#6212442 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 15:08

That movie is one of my all time favorites. Who gives a shit what the cashier thinks.

Reply

iLike2Teabag | 27

#6212450 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 15:13

Fun fact: it took DreamWorks 90 million hours total to render HTTYD2! (source: Intel) That's over 10000 years. Divided among thousands of machines, of course.

Reply

IceMan11 | 23

#6212452 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 15:15

I feel sorry for anyone that hasn't seen it.

Reply

JMichael | 25

#6212453 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 15:15

Yea who cares OP! I personally love the movie

Reply

LeashaJoy5595 | 28

#6213397 - Wednesday 25 February 2015 7:32

Especially Toothless! I asked my boyfriend a bunch of times to find me a dragon like Toothless. He's just so cute! Totally not just for kids, pffft.

By DonPandon | 15

#6212407 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:45

Even if you had told her, she needed someone to complain with...

By A07 | 48

#6212410 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:46

Stiff upper lip OP, that movie was awesome.

Reply

BlindlyWandering | 17

#6212589 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:27

The movie was awesome, the book was too. The book was totally different though.

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6212411 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:47

Hopefully you didn't get so nervous that you started to Hiccup.

Of course if a guy ever laughed at me for liking kid movies then he would become Toothless.

Reply

Miss_Chevious | 37

#6212651 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 18:38

and then you would release your night's fury upon that person

By llamarrama01 | 21

#6212412 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:47

No shame it it. I'm 19 and still enjoy aristocats and Oliver and Company.

Reply

LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6212565 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:04

Why Should I Worry? Why Should I Care? It's Just Bebopulation
And I Got Street Saviore Faire.

Reply

llamarrama01 | 21

#6212647 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 18:33

The rhythm of the city
But once you get it down
Then you can own this town
You can wear the crown!

Reply

LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6212757 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 19:37

Why should I worry?
Why should I care?
I may not have a dime
But I got street savoire faire

By Cass_x | 22

#6212413 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:48

No kid should be demanding anything. How about she teaches them manners?

By ihartmytdi | 23

#6212416 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:51

Never grow up! Listen to Admiral Ackbar! It's a trap!

By BrittanyChayanne | 14

#6212417 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:52

Hey, I still collect (unnecessary) amounts of Dragon stuff and I'm 19. Nothing wrong with liking something!

By molzipan | 16

#6212418 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:52

If it makes you feel any better op I'm turning 24 soon and have the Toothless doll from build a bear. An awesome thing about being an adult is being able to make childish decisions.

Reply

BrittanyChayanne | 14

#6212422 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:55

That bear is freaking bad ass, I added a roar sound to mine

Reply

molzipan | 16

#6212793 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 20:17

I also put him in the Toothless hoodie. No regrets.

By aylind | 18

#6212421 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:53

Don't be embarrassed. Animated movies are wonderful and whoever tells you otherwise can just walk away.