Miscellaneous: Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started... - FML

By MDoremis - United States - Honolulu

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

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Late term

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By derped-out sperm - Ireland

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML

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By buttuglyforeveralone :( - United Kingdom - Treharris

Today, my step-dad tried to talk me into getting plastic surgery. His reasoning: "Let's face it, 28 and single? Look, I know your mum gave you shitty genes, but that's no excuse to avoid fixing your face, honey." FML

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By kaz89 - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

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By Tyler_Padgett - United States

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML

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By crazygirl10 - United States

Today, both my parents were at work so I was home alone. My boyfriend had wanted to surprise me and take me out to lunch. He found me dancing on my kitchen table singing "Like a Virgin" at the top of my lungs. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I saw a creepy guy grab a woman's ass on the bus, so I caught his arm and put him in an arm lock, only for the woman to hit me in the head with her handbag. Turns out they were a married couple on their way home to have sex, and who couldn't resist a quick grope during the journey. FML

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By - United States

Today, as I was mowing my neighbors lawn, I found the playboy magazine he left in his yard. I found it with the mower. I spent the next hour picking up little shards of naked women for no extra pay. FML

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By Joshua - United States - Weatherford

Today, the woman I have been seeing said she couldn't see a future with me. This was all because I didn't text her back when I fell asleep after working a double night/morning shift. FML

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By he's mine - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, I found my sister's wedding book. Inside it was a list of potential grooms; she'd written down all of my ex-boyfriends. And my fiancé. We're getting married in three weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Westborough

Today, I was jerking off quietly so my roommates wouldn't hear me. In the middle of it, one of them sent me a screenshot of an error message on a porn site, asking if I was having the same problem. I guess I wasn't being so quiet after all. FML

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By lebowski - United States

Today, my 5 year old brother wanted to look through my phone. I know he can't read so I gave it to him. He was, however, able to get at my "private" photo album. FML

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By VacationRuined - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I left for a one and a half month trip to Japan with my boyfriend. He promptly broke up with me the first night in the hotel. When asked why he couldn't have waited until the trip was over, he said he didn't want to create "false memories". FML

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By Pelota - United States

Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML

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By chickenflavouredlaptop

Today, I received my new laptop in the mail and put it on the kitchen counter, where my family charges all our electronics. My mom then decided to make soup and spilt chicken broth all over my new laptop before I even got the chance to turn it on. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

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By thedancer5 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML

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By hellosir - United States

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to see that I had two black eyes from a cheerleading stunt gone wrong yesterday. I decided to curl my hair to distract from them. While curling my hair I accidentally burned my cheek. I now have two black eyes and a huge burn on my cheek. My extended family is coming tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Maybole

Today, a man asked about fishing in the river which flows beside where I work. I said you could, but anything you caught under 5 inches has to be thrown back. His wife then said, "Wish I knew that before I married him." I started to laugh. The man almost cried and complained to my boss. FML

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By awkwardgayboi - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years, telling him he needed to be more responsible, and stop relying on me for everything. When I told him to leave, he told me he needed some gas money. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2020 02:00

Deal or no Deal

Today, my boyfriend's farts got so bad that we made a deal: every day that he doesn't fart, he gets a blowjob. Suddenly, he's not letting gas out anymore. FML

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By LT - United States

Today, the car I was in got pulled over by the police for making an illegal turn. I was in a cab. And he kept the meter running. FML

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By nobffs - United States

Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

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By bad boss

Today, I had to reprimand an employee for her bad attitude and terrible work performance. She went to HR and said I harassed her for being gay. Guess who they believed. FML

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By Good Parenting? - United States - Columbia

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

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By terpity12 - United States

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was selling personalised stockings at work. When handing a customer's order over to her, which had no name on, I joked, "Oooh this is a bit mysterious". She replied, "Actually, it's in memory of the baby I miscarried earlier this year." FML

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By Confused lesbian - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

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By MrTandy - United States

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

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By allwaysbuggedinheaven - United States

Today, I returned home to find out that my new and very expensive computer had overheated. I confronted my mom, and she told me that she had covered up the fan because she didn't like the noise. FML

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By CryoSpectre - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

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By kellb123 - United States

Today, I was at work, and was told to clean up the urine that a child had left down the slide inside the play place. While in the slide, another little kid peed on my head. FML

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By sarahfromthesouth - United States

Today, while in line at the waterpark, I looked down to find my 3 year old daughter chewing on a used band-aid. FML

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By piratequeen - United States

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

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By :/ - United States - Gilbert

Today, I'm so broke, I walked into a nursing home and pretended to be a gentleman's son just so I could get some free food "for him". FML

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By ilivehere - United States - Moline

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

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By IAmACoolCat - United States

Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML

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Top comments

By rieebee | 23

#6212405 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:42

Dragons are awesome, who cares what others think.

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6212411 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:47

Hopefully you didn't get so nervous that you started to Hiccup.

Of course if a guy ever laughed at me for liking kid movies then he would become Toothless.

COMMENTS

By rieebee | 23

#6212405 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:42

Dragons are awesome, who cares what others think.

Reply

Noelletakumi | 36

#6212442 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 15:08

That movie is one of my all time favorites. Who gives a shit what the cashier thinks.

Reply

iLike2Teabag | 27

#6212450 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 15:13

Fun fact: it took DreamWorks 90 million hours total to render HTTYD2! (source: Intel) That's over 10000 years. Divided among thousands of machines, of course.

Reply

IceMan11 | 23

#6212452 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 15:15

I feel sorry for anyone that hasn't seen it.

Reply

JMichael | 25

#6212453 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 15:15

Yea who cares OP! I personally love the movie

Reply

LeashaJoy5595 | 28

#6213397 - Wednesday 25 February 2015 7:32

Especially Toothless! I asked my boyfriend a bunch of times to find me a dragon like Toothless. He's just so cute! Totally not just for kids, pffft.

By DonPandon | 15

#6212407 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:45

Even if you had told her, she needed someone to complain with...

By A07 | 48

#6212410 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:46

Stiff upper lip OP, that movie was awesome.

Reply

BlindlyWandering | 17

#6212589 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:27

The movie was awesome, the book was too. The book was totally different though.

By Exodiafinder687 | 58

#6212411 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:47

Hopefully you didn't get so nervous that you started to Hiccup.

Of course if a guy ever laughed at me for liking kid movies then he would become Toothless.

Reply

Miss_Chevious | 37

#6212651 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 18:38

and then you would release your night's fury upon that person

By llamarrama01 | 21

#6212412 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:47

No shame it it. I'm 19 and still enjoy aristocats and Oliver and Company.

Reply

LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6212565 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 17:04

Why Should I Worry? Why Should I Care? It's Just Bebopulation
And I Got Street Saviore Faire.

Reply

llamarrama01 | 21

#6212647 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 18:33

The rhythm of the city
But once you get it down
Then you can own this town
You can wear the crown!

Reply

LostInTheZone11 | 28

#6212757 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 19:37

Why should I worry?
Why should I care?
I may not have a dime
But I got street savoire faire

By Cass_x | 22

#6212413 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:48

No kid should be demanding anything. How about she teaches them manners?

By ihartmytdi | 23

#6212416 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:51

Never grow up! Listen to Admiral Ackbar! It's a trap!

By BrittanyChayanne | 14

#6212417 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:52

Hey, I still collect (unnecessary) amounts of Dragon stuff and I'm 19. Nothing wrong with liking something!

By molzipan | 16

#6212418 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:52

If it makes you feel any better op I'm turning 24 soon and have the Toothless doll from build a bear. An awesome thing about being an adult is being able to make childish decisions.

Reply

BrittanyChayanne | 14

#6212422 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:55

That bear is freaking bad ass, I added a roar sound to mine

Reply

molzipan | 16

#6212793 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 20:17

I also put him in the Toothless hoodie. No regrets.

By aylind | 18

#6212421 - Tuesday 24 February 2015 14:53

Don't be embarrassed. Animated movies are wonderful and whoever tells you otherwise can just walk away.