Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

Amplified

Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML

Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML

Express yourself

Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

Excuses, excuses

Today, my daughter didn't clean the bathroom today, even though I told her yesterday that she needed to do it. She claims she forgot, because, she’s "slept since then.” FML

Paper-thin walls

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML