Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, I woke up to find my 6-year-old daughter had duct taped me to my bed and dropped my wallet down the toilet. Well played. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, my daughter didn't clean the bathroom today, even though I told her yesterday that she needed to do it. She claims she forgot, because, she’s "slept since then.” FML
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
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Top comments
mightymart 5
hehe not so bad.. he could have caught you doing something else...
SlyTail 5
Ahhh kids..
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Comments (95)
tina_cutes 0
What. The. ****, grandma. Really? You don't fall asleep on the ****** toilet Mee-maw!
amanda_smith54 4
hahaha so freaking funny
ChantelRenaeee 0
aww kids are so cute, aren't they?
Doortje 30
Nope.
lostfaithinpppl 19
Then don't fall asleep on the toilet, OP. Simple.
stormlvr 0
...how'd she find out?
Selena_is_back 7
Then avoid going to the toilet when people are around. You know, to just avoid accidents like this happen again.
Monii_Harlz 11
Aww how cute :D aha - now children that's why we have beds mmmmmmk!
stevenmx86 8
Ydi for falling asleep on the toilet...
AlwaySunny 0
what a crappy night..(:
SmexiLexii 3
Toilet: C'mon now miss Happy,don't fall asleep on me."