Miscellaneous: Today, my sister confessed to me that she sold some of my old...

By beablue18 - 04/07/2011 00:27 - Germany

Today, my sister confessed to me that she sold some of my old shirts to the girl who's stalking me. This explains why I got a note that read, "I have your scent, now I can track you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 687

You deserved it 2 979

Miscellaneous

Late term

Yada yada yada

Too much meat on my hands

By crizzy - 24/04/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 622

You deserved it 4 226

By gooddeedgonebad - 26/05/2013 09:19 - Australia - Upper Swan

Today, I helped an elderly woman carry her suitcase down a flight of stairs. When I got to the bottom, a man tackled me to the ground thinking I was stealing the woman's luggage. As I lay in pain, he ran up the stairs to return the suitcase and the poor woman had to carry it down on her own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 821

You deserved it 3 211

By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 05:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend clearly stated that I was "useless" when on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 364

You deserved it 8 082

By Gigi - 05/09/2012 04:29 - United States

Today, my crush asked to use my phone so he could Google something. Flattered that he wanted to use my phone, I agreed. After he was done, he handed it back with a weird look. I later realized he had found himself in my top searches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 607

You deserved it 30 624

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 07:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 877

You deserved it 3 583

By tb351 - 28/05/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I asked my kids if I looked good before going to work. Smiling, they told me I looked wonderful. It wasn't until I got to work and looked into the mirror until I noticed my left eyebrow was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 399

You deserved it 8 437

By Noname - 10/03/2009 09:56 - United States

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 972

You deserved it 61 150

By Anonymous - 25/08/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents on their first day back from New York with candles I made. I used actual lavender flecks from our garden for the scent in the candles. My plan worked until the lavender caught on fire which then spread to all of our mail and newspapers. Welcome home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 186

You deserved it 11 679

By BrokeandDesperate - 06/12/2011 07:03 - United States

Today, a 65 year old toothless gas station attendant asked me out on a date in exchange for free gas, and I said yes. This is what my unemployment has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 409

You deserved it 8 271

By sadman - 07/05/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, it's my three month anniversary with my girlfriend and so I decided to bake her a cake from scratch. It took me three hours, a call to my mom, three different recipe books, and half my pantry. On the way to her house, I stopped to pick up flowers and left the cake in the car. It melted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 369

You deserved it 11 669

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me several flowers and chocolate boxes to my office. It ends up that he cheated on me with my sister and tried to break the news to me after all the presents he sent. I thought he actually remembered our anniversary this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 425

You deserved it 2 804

By Nickolas - 31/12/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 992

You deserved it 3 713

By The Seamstress - 20/05/2017 11:00 - United States - Irving

Today, while sewing, I learned that I cannot hold pins in my mouth and chew gum at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 012

You deserved it 5 404

By LadyJane - 13/01/2017 14:21

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 784

You deserved it 2 506

By John - 20/07/2011 16:38 - United States

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 598

You deserved it 12 029

By Tuffgunsmoke - 04/02/2010 07:22 - France

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 712

You deserved it 31 463

By motherlover - 05/08/2014 04:40 - United States - Hoffman Estates

Today, my boyfriend laid his head on my bare chest and said, "You're like my mother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 204

You deserved it 4 339

By Anonymous - 20/08/2011 21:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss called me into his office and bitched me out for a good half hour for my attitude to our customers. Apparently I always look pissed off and sound sarcastic. That's just my face at rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 403

You deserved it 5 553

By Colbasaur - 24/06/2010 14:29 - United States

Today, I won an academic award during an assembly. Everyone laughed, followed by booing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 310

You deserved it 4 963

Memories

By joanne - 29/05/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, I found a video of a school play I starred in years ago. I was ecstatic, because it's really the only memento of my childhood I have left. Unfortunately, it started with my grandpa groaning, "Ahh shit," and degenerated into him muttering over the audio about "those fucking commies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 111

You deserved it 1 995

By Former Professor - 21/07/2019 22:00

Today, I happily went to an interview after job searching for months. I learned a large part of my job would be cleaning the toilets. Every. Single. Hour. I used to lecture at a university until budget cuts happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 024

You deserved it 174

By naughtytwinsisters - 25/02/2011 08:27 - Philippines

Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 624

You deserved it 33 328

By ThirdWheelHell - 30/06/2016 06:07 - United States - Farmville

Today, I had a date with a guy. We ran into our gay friend at the theater, who insisted on coming along. My date was pissed, but I couldn't turn our friend away. Afterwards, my date texted our friend, mad because he crashed the date. Turns out he isn't gay. And only crashed it because he likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 928

You deserved it 3 486

By Anonymous - 27/05/2012 14:19 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 978

You deserved it 35 771

By winks - 09/11/2016 19:06 - United States - Reno

Today, I got into a car accident that was my fault. The other driver was my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 496

You deserved it 1 699

By SayItToMyFace - 11/11/2015 17:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 937

You deserved it 1 514

By unknown - 07/04/2013 17:01 - Canada - Quebec

Today, my sister was faced with the choice of getting a burger, or picking me up in a snowstorm. The burger won, and I had to travel 4km home by foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 942

You deserved it 2 875

By tim12345 - 25/07/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, my friends and I rented a party bus, which broke down on the highway 45 minutes into the ride. I paid the guy for the whole four hours. He said he was going to flag down a car to get someone to help us. We saw him get into a car and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 094

You deserved it 3 557

By catwoman - 31/10/2009 04:34 - Australia

Today, I learned why my bathroom has a horrible, seemingly irremovable stench. My cat doesn't squat to pee like a normal cat. She stands up, peeing over the side of the litter tray all over the wall and floor, which are now a permanent yellow tinge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 094

You deserved it 5 449

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 20:10

Today, I found out that the doctors accidentally perforated my left ear drum performing a routine wax syringing. I was at the doctor's for a completely different reason, having crushed my pinky at the gym. They can't fix either and my finger needs surgery, which can't happen until next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 785

You deserved it 108

Let me out!

By Archie - 07/01/2010 08:31 - United States

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to engage the child locks on the rear doors of my SUV. My SUV has a bolted cage for the dog separating the front from the back. Guess who was locked in their own car for 2 hours? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 494

You deserved it 4 216

You old fool

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 17:01 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after repeatedly telling my partner's family that our daughter is allergic to peanuts, his grandfather decided to feed her one, to "see if she really is allergic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 53

By 30000 - 02/01/2015 03:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 046

You deserved it 12 883

By Blood on my hands - 07/08/2013 05:40 - United States

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 096

You deserved it 25 681

The single life

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 22:00 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me while I'm deployed overseas. Her reason why is that she needs "to be alone to better herself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 18/09/2013 17:41 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 048

You deserved it 8 167

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 17:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I managed to break my ankle by running it over with the wheelchair I've used on a daily basis for the last 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 161

By artiemilano - 15/10/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 954

You deserved it 3 534

By failing - 16/10/2015 16:40 - United States - Greenbelt

Today, my grandpa passed away. The only emotion my dad showed was anger, because my grandpa owed my dad money. Now he wants to take it from my grandma, like he's some sort of mobster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 322

You deserved it 1 532

By kaleighf - 28/04/2016 01:46 - United States - Hollywood

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 026

You deserved it 1 161

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Top comments

orphinz 3

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:34

I've almost found you :)

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:33

A greyhound is stalking you? Woah!

mhinaj 0

Monday 4 July 2011 8:33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Jojo08_fml 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:38

ydi for letting your sister go through your stuff(:

volley4eva1698 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:39

13- he didn't...

hatepineapple 14

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:40

You may never have a girl wanting you again. Bang the SHIT out of that.

lexeous 4

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:42

Insightful post, #1. Bravo. There's so much meaning behind those three letters, a tear welled up and slowly slid slightly down my cheek.

KingGeorgeGal 12

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Monday 4 July 2011 9:24

Wtf, your sister is a dumbass and pathetic if she has to sell YOUR stuff, especially to a creeper. I would have a serious talk with her if I were you.

iSitt 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 10:00

so you wrote this to ... brag?

XXscenekidXX209 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 10:00

lmao!!!! this is some funny stuff!!!!!!!!! i died laughing

Jammy01jams 2

Monday 4 July 2011 15:35

selling your clothes to a stalker? That's a paddlin. Slap that bit sh!

dolphincheddar 10

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Monday 4 July 2011 15:59

so sell your sisters panties to the old man across the road as revenge. or send in a resume with her information at the nearest strip joint or pornography film company. easy peasy lemon squeezy

HollyoaksFan93 9

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Monday 4 July 2011 17:51

1 - Seriously? You have the chance to write the most epicest comment ever and you go with 'lol'...?

iSurf_fml 8

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Monday 4 July 2011 18:52

92- Thermals? Those carry scent well. I'd have an escape plan if I were you.

zendaddy0 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 22:33

if she's hot tap her and run if she's ugly just run

Cleao18317 11

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 1:09

dumbass he didn't let her look through his crap. and it's not like he's in his room 24/7 to monitor everything that's going on so STFU!

Crunch_Captain 1

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Monday 18 July 2011 5:15

seems like someone wants to be like OP

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:33

A greyhound is stalking you? Woah!

volley4eva1698 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:44

I smell you...I can tell where you are from 50 miles distance...mwohahaha...I know your scent

DropDead77 11

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:56

Ummm

enonymous 8

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:59

It was a rough night. I was drunk... the peanut butter jar was there... She just got carried away thinking it was more than it was.

KingGeorgeGal 12

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Monday 4 July 2011 9:28

She's one hell of a dawg.

RetardedBullFrog 4

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Monday 4 July 2011 10:14

sounds like something from that twilight movie.

TheFakeFamilyGuy 9

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Monday 4 July 2011 10:40

What a crazy female dog

madhukar 3

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Monday 4 July 2011 11:33

beware of doggystyle :D

Cloudmaker 3

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Monday 4 July 2011 15:58

It's bloodhound, not greyhound, actually crazy is as crazy does I guess

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 21:31

NOBODY THUMB THE COMMENT UP! IT HAS 69 THUMBS UP! ALL CAPS FTW!

manda_smith92 3

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 3:54

haha I actually didn't catch that

MoCheezy23 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:23

me tooo! (Sarcasm)

onefinemess 11

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Friday 26 August 2011 1:57

Lol, more like a bloodhound but exactly on the same lines I was thinking!

Katiekhalifa_fml 28

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:34

That is the creepiest thing I have ever heard. But it's hilatious. FYL.

FMLsOhilarious 6

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Monday 4 July 2011 14:18

.....it's what?

Katiekhalifa_fml 28

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Monday 4 July 2011 15:09

hilarious* damn.

GoneClubbin 9

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 15:15

at least it's the creepiest thing YOU have ever heard :!

MoCheezy23 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 19:26

yeah, but it's "hilatious"! :]

raymel 5

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:34

lol lol and lol she's a keeper :)

Freeze_fml 16

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Monday 4 July 2011 9:27

No, just a creeper.

FlipInBrosky 4

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Monday 4 July 2011 14:42

No, she's a keeper's creeper!

Babydoll4ever 7

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Monday 4 July 2011 18:37

she's the creeper's keeper :3

Babydoll4ever 7

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Monday 4 July 2011 18:37

she's the creeper's keeper :3

boricualuv 29

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:34

really creepy and i guess your sister really needed the money that sucks FYL

orphinz 3

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:34

I've almost found you :)

theubersauceness 1

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Monday 4 July 2011 9:45

The stalker chick is Borat?

bringmepieskm 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 9:59

don't hate

MoCheezy23 0

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 20:06

& if it is?

theubersauceness 1

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 21:04

it makes it better. -sniffs shirt- Very Nice!

staychill 16

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:35

what a terrific sister.....not! borat^

jellybelliez 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:35

that's called stalking

iSurf_fml 8

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:41

Really? I did NOT know that...

volley4eva1698 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:46

I thought it was called flashabadoobedoowopdamah..learn somethin erreday

KingGeorgeGal 12

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Monday 4 July 2011 9:42

Thank you captain obvious (:

mahomie97 7

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Monday 4 July 2011 10:00

thank you captaian obvious

hannahtaskey 9

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Monday 4 July 2011 10:50

No it's called no shit Sherlock

morganxangela 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 15:25

Oh my gosh! Really? I DID NOT know that!

thetrollyoulike 6

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Monday 4 July 2011 22:27

oh I thought the FML told me otherwise... *sarcasm*

CsDy1395 6

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Tuesday 5 July 2011 7:48

wow, I didn't know op's "stalker" earned that title by stalking. strange... [/sarcasm]

Gorillaninja 0

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:36

Are you sure the sister isn't the stalker?

iAmScrubs 19

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Monday 4 July 2011 8:36

Tonight, while you are sleeping, you will notice your window slowly opening. You will walk over to see what is going on and suddenly your stalker will make her attack. I am only warning you once my friend. Listen to the prophecy.