Intimacy and Sex: Quickie - FML

Quickie

By Disappointed - 04/09/2020 20:08 - Austria

Spicy

Today, my 6-minute-long-shower lasted 3 times as long as the sex prior to it. Including foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 274

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Same thing different taste

By Sooz - 03/10/2013 01:18 - Canada - Abbotsford

Spicy

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 418

You deserved it 5 845

By anonymous - 11/02/2012 05:57 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 990

You deserved it 5 641

By Anonymous - 11/01/2013 05:17 - United States - Pass Christian

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 527

You deserved it 6 692

Quickie

By cantgetitupcantgetiton - 14/01/2010 01:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 422

You deserved it 3 243

Time waster

By le_evan - 29/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 465

You deserved it 6 702

By Anonymous - 13/06/2015 01:56 - United States - Ithaca

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 862

You deserved it 2 144

Poor performance

By Anonymous - 28/12/2022 03:00

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with my husband and orgasmed. Three hours apart from each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 323

Great timing

By letdown - 19/07/2020 14:01

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 723

Standing to attention

By Anonymous - 27/04/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I told my girlfriend that for whatever reason I find it really difficult to orgasm stood up in the shower, she immediately demanded sex in the shower on the basis that without my orgasm maybe I’ll finally last long enough for her to orgasm first, or even at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 2 129

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - 10/10/2022 18:30 - Turkey

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 492

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Friday 4 September 2020 20:41

Did you have enough time to rub one out in the shower?

alex_jaguara 32

Friday 4 September 2020 23:51

Sometimes no sex life is better than a bad one. Damn I am lucky.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Friday 4 September 2020 20:41

Did you have enough time to rub one out in the shower?

alex_jaguara 32

Friday 4 September 2020 23:51

Sometimes no sex life is better than a bad one. Damn I am lucky.

genuinegoodguy 9

Saturday 5 September 2020 0:07

Now that is sad and definitely something to work on.

bloopaloop 27

Saturday 5 September 2020 1:25

Well if you’re getting paid for it that’s pretty good!

TCRII 29

Saturday 5 September 2020 3:10

Let the shower get steamy hot, then jump in for 30 seconds. Now your sex will be 4 times as long as a steamy hot shower. Problem solved - you are welcome.

sickerthanyou 13

Monday 7 September 2020 4:59

I don’t know what you complain about, lasting 2 minutes should be a complement!

Jonkbaby 22

Wednesday 9 September 2020 14:18

Solution? take longer showers

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The Top

Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 331

You deserved it 41 023

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 649

You deserved it 5 885

The Top

Today, my 75 year-old grandparents, who stubbornly refuse to be vaccinated, asked me to pick up their meds after they got COVID. I left work early to avoid the pharmacy line. After dropping them off, their pharmacy called: they didn't give me all of the meds, so I had to go back and wait another two hours in line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 263

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 171

You deserved it 40 584

Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 648

You deserved it 1 083

Today, whilst heading out the door to go to work, my lanyard got caught on the doorknob inside, and I watched my keys swing back inside as the door closed behind me. It was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 736

You deserved it 252

Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 639

You deserved it 1 196

Today, after a coworker had invited me over for a "Mukbang" and I'd agreed, thinking it was just some sort of exotic delicacy, I found out that he expected me to eat like a million calories of food on camera for his YouTube channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 548