Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
popezeke 0
bite her on the neck really damn hard, then leave her to bleed on the sidewalk.
MikeyLovesNinny 0
Gah i'm glad i dont live in america, all the girls are ******* crazy about vampires, have posters of edward all over their room, cant even find their own country on a map, and look like trucks. Come to australia if you dont wanna deal with that shit -.-
ghostgirll 0
WOW, stereotyping much? i wasn't born here or anything, but i've lived here most of my life and everything you said is completely idiotic and false. not "all girls" are crazy about vampires or have posters of edward all over their room, Twilight is just a phase, like harry potter. and where the **** did you get the impression that they can't find their own country on a map? cause some dumb supermodel couldn't find it? why don't you actually take time and think about the words that you say instead of being a ******* dumbass and using stereotypes that you know nothing about.
Valwot 0
i read the books... i like vampires... ill say this once and only once VAMPIRES DON'T ******* SPARKLE!!!!!!!
im_one_of_a_kind 0
i read the books and they were realy good......im not a crazy twilight fan not even close sure i like twilight ... but this is f**kin r**rded.... these s**pid girls are giving people who like twilight a bad rep..... i would never ever ever break up wit my boyfried because of twilight .......
good_life35 0
twilight FANS have ruined vampires for normal people.
IFallToPieces 0
Twilight isnt the only ******* vampire story people!! Who says shes even read the books? I could say the same thing, and I hate Twilight. I do, however, love Angel and Spike and all the Dark-Hunters =]
RatIsKing 0
#601: that is one of the stupidest comments I've ever heard. you think Americans are stupid and ugly? Australia started out as a PENAL COLONY. British criminals were sent there because British prisons were too full. and you think Americans can't use a map? at least some of us know enough history to correct your bs
herpderp 0
More proof that Twilight ruins everything.
alex_rose_x 0
Oh my god. It's a goddamn book. Everyone is so obsessed. Who cares if you hate it or love it?? IT'S JUST A BOOK. Jesus people!
grarox 0
another sex life ruined by twilight....