Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
DieselGirl 0
I love the twilight books, and i love the twilight movie, i am a huge fan, but never have i ever wanted to have an edward cullen, lol i want the love that he has for bella (without all the creepy watch me sleep and all that jazz) i am a fan of it, and i think he is sexy. BUT i would never shoot down an amazing guy just because of it. Some girls give us "not exactly crazy" fans a bad name. FYL bud im sorry =(
Silas_fml 0
You're all crazy. You love a series that was written specifically to appeal to the 'tastes' of pre-teen girls with no life experience or true hardships. Actually, I'm not sure if that means you're crazy, or you just have the worst taste in the world.
kcmcg09 0
ummm... WTF!?!?!
_musical_addict_ 0
Amen to all my fellow Twilight haters out there. We have many legitimate reasons why we hate these "books" and they are as follows: 1. Stephanie Meyer can NOT write worth a damn (I've read them so I know) 2. The story centers around an extremely old pedophile/stalker 3. Bella and Edward's relationship is the epitome of abusive relationships 4. Stephanie Meyer completely destroyed all the great things that a vampire is known to be just so she can make her fantasy little dream world "work" 5. I personally have seen relationships ruined by this crap 6. finally, and most importantly, bcause of twilight, we normal people now have to deal with screaming, horny, psychotic teen fangirls who melt and lose all their common sense just because they see a ******* PIN with the word Edward on it Really must I go on??
pocketrockets 0
Yes go on those types of girls need some common sense!
fetushead148 0
I HATE Twilight soooo much. My advice: find that beautiful girl...and drive a stake through her heart. How's that for romance?
pocketrockets 0
dude wtf is with guys getting owned by Charmed Vampires, girls can wish it all they want, but seriously it's a flippin dream! If you set your standards to high on guys you lose out big time no joke.
Silas_fml 0
Does anyone know what the **** is going on with FML? All of the ones I was following just disappeared from my account, the new commenting system is horrible, the new homepage display is horrible, and this FML just lost half of its comments...
bottomofthesea 0
Wow she is in a fantasy...Twilight addicts man I hate them it is so annoying!!!!! "I wish you were a vampire!" blah blah blah. Bitches!!!!!! Man I hate that Edward guy!!!!!
Jasmlim 0
stop the twilight h8in. next time you see her just whisper "forever" into her ear and i betcha u'l get laid ;) you just gotta work the vampire thing to your advantage
ieatkids 0
Ahh yes Vampires are pretty sexy :D