Today, after spending the night hanging out with a beautiful girl we start to walk back to my place. Halfway there she turns and says, "I wish you were a vampire" and goes back home. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I met a girl at the bar. Things were going really well and we ended up going back to her place. Problem? Her husband who normally works the graveyard shift was home sick. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
Today, I had the girl of my dreams in my bed. She was laughing and smiling, kissing and talking. It was great. Then suddenly she said, "I want to go home; is that rude?" Then she left. I called, but now I'm blocked. FML
Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML
Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
Sounds like another retarded Twilight fan. Find someone who doesn't dwell on the fantasy world.
Millybug 0
And Twilight screws over another poor guy. Ok-- I am a Twilight fan, they are wretchedly cheesy teen romance novels, but still I am a fan. On that note; Twilighters, those stupid, obsessive, moronic little fangirls who want every guy to be like Edward should be shot in the face. Sorry dude, that really blows.
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Comments (654)
myfairyoshi_fml 0
OMG ALL THE WORLD AND REFERENCES IS NOT ABOUT TWILIGHT!!!!!!!!!! There are other vampire books AND movies.... PLEASE stop talking as if Twilight was the reason for everything The only reason you immediately think that the reference was from Twilight is because you my friends are the ones that are obsessed with twilight..... (i'm just guessing here) but not her So leave it alone PLEEAAAAASSSSSSSSSSE!!!!!!!!!!!! And no i am NOT obsessed with Twilight.. i hardly even like the book.... but yes i do like it...... so no i am not a hypocrite And for me i first thought of Dracula and that she most be a 'Vampire' (which is a style/life style choice..... it's like goth........ but it's not) And that is the end of my rant..... Thank you.
Silas_fml 0
'Vampire' is not a lifestyle or choice. Neither is Goth. It's a ******* form of architecture, and an ancient family. All 'styles' are false. Read a book other than Twilight, hypocrite. Of course this is about goddamn Twilight. It's the biggest fad right now. No one can mention the word Vampire without someone jumping in and going 'OMG HAVE U SEEN DA NEW TWILIGHT FILM STILLS?!?!LOLSLS EDWARD IS SOOO HOT'. Anyone who defends Twilight and then tried to back up their words with any form of logic instantly becomes moot. Idiot.
kitti_ 0
LOL@ #565 (or what ever number it is, it keeps changing on me...) for thinking Goth and Vampirism is a lifestyle choice. Look these things up before making a fool of yourself.
Silas_fml 0
Haha, I just learnt the trick of saying the name instead of the number, Kitti. FML is messing up badly. I am, right now, 565, and I said what you said, People are fools.
MissyWissyKach 0
people who like twilight as much as that should be shot i mean rly. i dont like twilight, but if i did i owuldnt tell my man to be a vampire. tell her she needs to get out of her fantasy world tell her to get a life and break up with that lil scowndrel
entropicage 0
******* Twilight fan freaks. Ugh...
kitti_ 0
Silas, I cant believe I never thought of that... XD
seb12992 0
Thank god I've never had to read a single one of these god awful books.
Dewfreak 0
hmm sounds like she was on her period and she wished u could suck her "you know what" blood
Silas_fml 0
Don't feel too bad, someone had to recommend it to me as well, hah.