Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing...

By PissedbythePiper - 11/9/2012 06:11 - United States - Saukville

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Fashion Police

By Anonymous - 1/5/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

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By URGH - 28/6/2009 22:08 - Canada

Today, my friend and I were in her moms car talking about which job was harder: actor or artist. I said, "Art is easy. You just scribble on a piece of paper and call it abstract art." Her mom squinted at me in the rearview mirror and my friend stopped talking. Then she said, "My mom is an artist." FML

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By Noname - 1/2/2009 22:17 - Canada

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

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By timon_n_pumbaa - 11/1/2020 09:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Second time

Today, I found myself locked in a bathroom for the second time in my life. This time at least I was at home. I live alone. I had to break the window on the shower door and crawl out. Now, I need to crawl in/out to shower, brush my teeth and more. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 13:36 - Sweden

Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML

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By whotouchedyou1 - 26/8/2014 02:37 - United States - Cypress

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

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By Not a programmer yet - 1/9/2015 15:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss told me that the company will be hiring a programmer for our department. I had the idea for the position when we went over my 3-year career path last month, but it wasn't approved. I now get to look over résumés from other people applying for my dream job. FML

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By why ma? - 25/3/2020 08:02

May to December

Today, I invited my elderly mother to come stay with my husband and I during this outbreak, just until everything calms down. She declined because we said she couldn’t bring her boyfriend. Her boyfriend is a 34 year-old leech who's been living off her for over a year. She refuses to change her mind. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2019 13:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I missed out on the chance of buying a great used car because my loan wasn't approved. Why wasn't it approved? Because the vehicle has +100k miles on it. I wish they would've told me that when I applied for the loan. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML

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By Charles - 21/6/2011 16:59 - United States

Today, I was sitting at the computer browsing various websites. In my attempt to scoot the chair forward, I hit my knee against the desk that my computer was on, and ended up breaking it. I literally broke my knee sitting on my ass. FML

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By foreseeingabreakup - 6/9/2011 04:42 - United States

Today, I had to explain in great detail why it is inappropriate for my boyfriend to grab at my vagina in public. He did it again twenty minutes later. FML

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By onething - 8/7/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

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By quarantine15 - 28/4/2020 14:00

Oh, so sexy

Today, I tried to be sexy and asked my husband of 6 years if he wanted to "put a baby in me." He shook the recent belly fat I gained and asked, "Is there room for a baby in there?" FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2016 16:03 - United States - New York

Today, I finally got to meet the new Director of my department. She was my intern eight years ago, the one I declined to recommend for a full time position due to interpersonal conflicts. She knows. FML

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By udnrizh - 8/10/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I got a weird feeling about the account balance in my savings account. Turns out my fiancé has been using my account to order random items whenever he likes. This account is my savings for college tuition and related expenses. FML

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By newguy - 29/8/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, was my third day at work. The hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2011 06:34 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

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By Lmop68 - 27/5/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML

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By stpddog - 25/7/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, while trying to get my attention, my dog got her nail stuck in a usb port in my laptop. She freaked out and ran off, dragging it off my lap and through the house before if came off. Her nail was only slightly chipped- my laptop now has a cracked screen. FML

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By Meg - 13/6/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML

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By Foxy - 5/2/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

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By Plush - 13/1/2009 16:43 - France

Today, a work colleague announced that she is organising a bit of a party. She says, in front of everyone, that I'm not invited to "avoid ruining the vibe". FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I finally convinced a girl that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop her off the feet like the movies and carry her to my bed. I ended up hitting her head on the door frame, knocking her out. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2011 10:48 - Canada

Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

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By Metime - 5/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

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By BloodyHorror - 11/7/2019 22:00

Today, the blood from some defrosted steak dripped under my fridge where I couldn't see it. One insanely hot day later, and my whole house smells like it has its period. FML

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By Julie - 25/3/2015 05:42 - Denmark - F?rup

Today, it's been three months since my sister broke her car, meaning she couldn't get to work, and I've giving her money every month so she could buy food and so on. I just found out that her workplace is less than 200 metres from where she lives. FML

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By Tanner - 16/7/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

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By :/ - 5/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

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By nobffs - 1/1/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my sister-in-law asked why I wasn't out partying with my friends to celebrate the new year. My mom then asked "What friends?". Ah, the new year begins. FML

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By Lolabunny - 21/8/2018 04:00 - United States - Anaheim

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML

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By embarassed - 12/10/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/12/2013 21:06 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

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By brokenkneechick - 7/2/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I called the campus police to give me a ride to the cafeteria since I am on crutches from knee surgery. I was only halfway into the car when the man started driving and ran over my foot. Now neither my right knee or my left foot work. FML

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By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

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By CityBoysNow - 11/9/2013 00:14 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

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By what - 26/11/2010 19:17 - United States

Today, while shopping, a few giggling girls came up to me and asked why I was wearing a dress in public. Highly confused, I didn't answer. When they walked away laughing, I realized they thought I was a man. I'm a woman. FML

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Top comments

By ce1ine | 11

#4918995 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:42

That blows.

By Evaloscity | 6

#4919026 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:50

The only reasonable solution: Buy a trumpet.

COMMENTS

By carmel1110 | 12

#4918993 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:42

Learn to enjoy music?

Syneriam | 7

#4919011 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:46

You can only love "music" so much. Just speak to your new neighbor and if he/she isn't a douche they'll be considerate. Otherwise, fyl indeed.

fml121785 | 14

#4919037 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:58

It could be worse, they could have a huge gong like my previous neighbors above me had. I think everyone who came to their apartment during their many parties had to have a go at it! :(

citymayer | 7

#4919223 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 12:54

Sorry but the bagpipes are just not enjoyable.

icrest80 | 4

#4919248 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 13:12

When I went to a camp at st johns university this summer I woke up at 4am hearing my roommate playing the bagpipes. I feel you OP

DarthDeath | 12

#4919276 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 13:23

37- You haven't heard of the Badpiper, have you? He makes the bagpipes awesome.

GothicAngel17 | 24

#4919808 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 16:43

U37- I actually quite enjoy the sound of bagpipes.

niall92 | 6

#4922748 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 7:18

OP, ask him to get either a "practice chanter" or a set of "Uilleann pipes" instead, both of which produce a similar but quieter sound. if he's any good he should at least have a practice chanter.

By ce1ine | 11

#4918995 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:42

That blows.

iXTMAstro | 6

#4919328 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 13:41

My band teacher told me that I can blow a horn real good.

dinorider_fml | 4

#4920958 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 21:47

Well I hope you've heard a joke captain obvious

epicskier | 3

#4922351 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 4:15

Out of the fire place and into the furnace, sucks to be you OP

Goldenchest | 14

#4922896 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 9:06

Do you live in Tiny Tower?

By kimmi41509 | 10

#4918996 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:42

Lots and lots of earplugs can only help you at this point, my friend.

siberianhamster | 17

#4919106 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 12:23

Well, 2 earplugs.

winnerme123 | 8

#4919260 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 13:17

You can cut a whole in the bagpipes.

syki | 22

#4919287 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 13:24

No, you can't. You can't cut a hole, either, as that would be illegal.

SpottedZebra42 | 14

#4922386 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 4:26

Your comment reminded me of Lots and Lots of Trains.

"Big plugs, small plugs, even plugs that plow through wax!"

By Mideoyeo | 12

#4919017 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:48

Can you not just go ask them polietly to not play at odd times of the day?

perdix | 29

#4919236 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 12:59

Which would work if you explained the bulge in your pants doesn't mean "I'm happy to see you," but instead is a .44 Magnum.

Zedd_fml | 8

#4921630 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 0:37

He is preparing you, for your funeral.

manofmerr | 27

#6582700 - Monday 18 April 2016 7:02

Im from four years into the future, and i can tell you the bulge was not a .44 magnum. On a related note, the bagpiper is now happily married to o.p. Didn't see that coming.

By aliyourpally | 12

#4919021 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:50

I think you should team up with him. Put on a scottish skirt and dance for peanuts OP :)

tj4234 | 35

#4919035 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:56

why would he wear a skirt if he's a man trying to look Scottish? We don't wear skirts here we wear kilts (or feilidh beag if you want the actual name for them).

thiscrazything | 1

#4919147 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 12:33

Kilts are so sexy.

connorsan17 | 12

#4919388 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 14:05

Your reply deeply offends me being half Scottish and half Irish. We Scott's don't wear skirts, skirts are for girls, we wear kilts, which are for men.

KingCeltic77 | 18

#4921900 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 1:57

Kilts are badass. If it were socially acceptable, I would wear one everyday. (Proud to be Scottish.)

By Evaloscity | 6

#4919026 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:50

The only reasonable solution: Buy a trumpet.

Sandsh8rk | 36

#4919095 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 12:20

As the old saying goes, if you can't beat em', join em'.

reallytho3 | 11

#4919226 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 12:55

Or a Rebecca black cd and a decent stereo system lol

Evaloscity | 6

#4919241 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 13:03

And top it off with Justin Bieber.

SerendipityRose | 26

#4919252 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 13:13

Assisting suicide is illegal in most states, fellas... OP is sure to get arrested after every neighbor in hearing distance kills themselves.

JJJJJakkkkeee | 6

#4919350 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 13:48

Or a drum set.

By sexaaydino | 14

#4919032 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:51

Maybe ask him politely to minimize the noise?

ElmoSaysSquishy | 28

#4919896 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 17:10

Bagpipes don't have volume controls.

a_commenter | 3

#4922891 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 9:04

#88 He can use silencers on the ends of the pipes or just practise the chanter.

By Kasse | 4

#4919061 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 12:08

It's more annoying when your downstairs neighbour develops an insatiable appetite for one Lady Gaga song and plays it loudly on repeat all evening til 11pm and all weekend for 6 weekends and counting.