Animals: Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog,... - FML

By englishtrio - 18/04/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 101

You deserved it 3 565

Triage

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Tetchy

By fuck people - 02/08/2013 20:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering "that's what she said" during the eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 961

You deserved it 3 162

By Anonymous - 14/05/2010 04:33 - Canada

Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 071

You deserved it 32 280

By Jenn - 03/07/2013 02:39 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 501

You deserved it 5 719

By Greenskies - 09/12/2015 15:26 - France - Corneilla-del-vercol

Today, I was talking to my boss at the end of an awesome internship. He said he was really satisfied with my work, and that he had considered hiring me. Turns out he decided not to because I smile too much and it unnerves him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 435

You deserved it 1 903

By Laura - 08/10/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I'm there, I act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 302

You deserved it 45 188

By carl_carl_ - 13/07/2015 15:10 - United States - Wichita

Today, I was on a roller coaster behind a boy who vomited in front of me as the cart shot down. It splattered all over my arm, and a little on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 743

You deserved it 2 187

By UhOhhhh - 08/09/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 802

You deserved it 4 284

By pissedandpoor - 15/04/2016 17:50 - United States - Meadville

Today, my wallet got stolen. I had a bunch of cash, my SS card and my license in it. Now I have to replace everything, only to have to renew my license again when I turn 21 in June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 938

You deserved it 2 938

By Anonymous - 24/06/2012 14:17 - Canada - Cochrane

Spicy

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 961

You deserved it 3 265

Mixing it up

By Kayleigh - 16/03/2021 21:59 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me with his dad's ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 10/08/2015 19:54 - Canada - Burlington

Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 975

You deserved it 2 407

By bandcamp926 - 05/01/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 316

You deserved it 22 623

By TooFlamingHot - 14/01/2016 02:08 - Australia - Ashfield

Today, I arrived at the kennels I work in to find the power disconnected and the water pump off. This meant I had to bucket water and carry it to keep over sixty assorted dogs and cats alive in temperatures over 90 degrees. The moment I finished, the power came back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 777

You deserved it 1 493

Special

By BDSarah - 17/09/2019 16:00

Today, my mom introduced me to everyone we met as her "special needs child." They all seemed to believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 117

Mom of the year

By lana - 28/09/2021 21:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was feeling suicidal and needed to talk to someone about it, so I called up the only person in the world who cares about me: my mom. Or so I thought. Her immediate response was, “You should go ahead and end it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 18/05/2012 11:49 - United States

Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 990

You deserved it 2 737

By BlueBallMcGee - 11/05/2009 12:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 619

You deserved it 6 995

By Leenotgay - 25/09/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's totally convinced I'm gay. When I tried explaining that I can't be if I'm attracted to her, she took it as me thinking she's mannish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 267

You deserved it 3 635

By bjfail - 09/01/2010 15:56 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 390

You deserved it 4 851

By my ears are dying - 22/06/2011 18:37 - United States

Today, my five year old niece decided to wake me up by shoving blasting earphones in my ears. Five hours later I can still hear Justin Bieber shrieking "Baby". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 376

You deserved it 5 324

By kcd - 23/02/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 842

You deserved it 57 113

By Anonymous - 05/10/2012 02:02 - United States

Today, my boss captured a huge spider and put it in a jar on the desk in our shop. He's named it Fluffy and is threatening to fire me if I harm it. I'm horribly arachnophobic and we share that desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 895

You deserved it 2 555

By ChampionshipVinyl - 18/04/2012 06:57 - Canada - Orangeville

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "smash hit record" took on a whole new meaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 421

You deserved it 2 876

Hmmm, twins

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 10:58 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend only dates me because I look a bit like his favourite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 562

You deserved it 4 120

By Embarrassed wife - 21/12/2018 14:00

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 660

You deserved it 1 222

The Outsider

By Anonymous - 24/03/2020 19:15

Today, I realized I am ‘that person’ in the group when I was only added to the group chat 6 weeks after it was created. I don’t really see a point in trying to chime in to the conversation at this point, but leaving the group seems a bit dramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 207

By Oh hello there - 17/06/2018 01:30

Today, I accidentally left my Nintendo 3DS at the barbershop, so I rushed back to get it. The 60-year-old barber had destroyed it with a hammer, saying it was a weapon of the devil. I was gone 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 033

You deserved it 591

By Anonymous - 24/08/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 436

You deserved it 5 396

Lemon or haunted?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2020 08:00

Today, our boiler broke. Yesterday, it was our fridge. The day before that, the deck collapsed, and a few weeks ago the dishwasher flooded the kitchen. This is after we spent a ton of money to have the house gutted due to a mold problem. We only bought the house a year ago, and have lived in it even less. We need to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 162

Neuter your pets

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 20:01

Today, our cat is in heat. Her male counterpart is sitting outside my bedroom door, serenading her loudly, and has sprayed his piss all over the house, making sure she cannot escape him broadcasting his availability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 1 079

By a4rk - 08/07/2012 18:32 - Malaysia - Sibu

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 740

You deserved it 4 464

By wife - 22/02/2015 03:47 - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 275

You deserved it 8 668

By nosleep - 29/12/2012 07:33 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked to strokes later in life. He's now taken it upon himself to protect me by making sure that I have as minimal sleep as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 994

You deserved it 3 225

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 04:48 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 605

You deserved it 2 094

The Hulk

By anonymous - 03/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my $1000 anger management course had no effect on me when I smashed a picture frame. Why? I had run out of toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 1 611

By swervelol - 20/08/2017 23:15

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 339

You deserved it 317

By Anonymous - 22/09/2017 04:30

Today, I saw a creepy guy grab a woman's ass on the bus, so I caught his arm and put him in an arm lock, only for the woman to hit me in the head with her handbag. Turns out they were a married couple on their way home to have sex, and who couldn't resist a quick grope during the journey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 041

You deserved it 4 580

By exalia - 07/05/2012 20:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally bought a car, after saving up for a year. My dealer had told me it was a good buy, so I snapped it up then and there. On the way home, the rear axle practically fell out of the car due to frame rot. My dealer wants to buy the car back at half the price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 033

You deserved it 30 190

By chelsay05 - 04/11/2016 00:53 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I had to go to work on my day off to suspend someone. Afterwards, I got a call saying I can't suspend the person in question because the supervisor who told me to suspend them was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 342

You deserved it 659

By Lonelyhopeful - 05/12/2016 20:08

Today, I was driving in a busy area looking for a place to park. I happened to lock eyes with a really handsome man who was walking alongside the road. He approached my car with a huge, gorgeous smile, and as I rolled my window down he asked, "Are you my Uber?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 546

You deserved it 948

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Saturday 18 April 2009 17:05

Ouch, that sucks I would definitely get others involved to get your dog back But how did your neighbors not even know that it was your dog?

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Saturday 18 April 2009 17:10

That's why you have those chips implanted. To fight back against scumbags like these. What a pair of grade-A assholes.

Comments

Send a private message

Saturday 18 April 2009 17:05

Ouch, that sucks I would definitely get others involved to get your dog back But how did your neighbors not even know that it was your dog?

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 3:37

Actually, I wouldn't blame them. To them, it would look like a guy trying to get a free pet, although that's not what it really is.

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Thursday 15 April 2010 5:55

complete aholes kick the shit out of those rat bastards

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Monday 23 January 2012 12:03

126- that's a completely idiotic theory. Hopefully the OP got his dog back.

cwl727 32

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Wednesday 19 March 2014 18:23

To the guy it looks like his neighbors are trying to get a free pet.

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Saturday 18 April 2009 17:07

Steal their other pet.

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Saturday 18 April 2009 17:09

destroy the neighbors and take your dog back. a dog is something too valuable to give up so easily

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Saturday 28 August 2010 0:00

burn down the house and mutilate the people then burn the evidence. then take your dog

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Saturday 18 April 2009 17:10

don't you have papers... or something? evidence? that it's your dog?

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Saturday 18 April 2009 17:10

That's why you have those chips implanted. To fight back against scumbags like these. What a pair of grade-A assholes.

Send a private message

Saturday 18 April 2009 17:11

steal their cat. or like make a petition and get people to sign it saying you should have your dog back. or like, send them hate mail every day. losers.

est91 1

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Saturday 18 April 2009 17:11

doesn't your dog have a name tag? Or can't you call it by it's name and have it run to you? Sucks for you tho. Your neighbors won't give your dog back. LOL.

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Saturday 18 April 2009 17:13

You have no proof that the dog is yours? None at all? My vet takes pics of the dogs and it's on all their paperwork. No tags? I'd be calling the police. But, that's just me.

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Saturday 18 April 2009 17:14

wow that fuckin sucks!!!! what dickheads lol theres an ad for "Lost Your Pet?" right next to this on my screen lol

catatonicsleep 17

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Saturday 18 April 2009 17:15

Steal it back, they won't have anything to say it belongs to them so you won't have to give it back, as long as you have proof it's yours

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 274