Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML
Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my son asked his mom about sex, so she talked about love, marriage, God, affection and all that bollocks, missing the point that he wanted to know about having good sex since he has a girlfriend now, so I explained all the wet, squishy practical bits of sex. Now my wife is mad at me. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, we discovered that our 14 year-old son is having sex. I was mad as hell at him, but by the end his dad completely took over the conversation, congratulated the hell out of him, and gave him money for condoms. If I wasn’t there, I genuinely think he would’ve asked our son for tips on infidelity. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Today, I decided it was time to have "the talk" with my daughter, after I found a thong in the washing machine. She denied it was hers and pointed out how it was too big to fit her. I ended up having a very different talk with my son. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML
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Top comments
friedpwnadge 25
Your husband is awesome.
davincidasecond 24
Well, he IS giving decent advice ... I mean if he's gonna do it, he's gotta do it right.
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Comments (179)
DDCA 24
Any good father knows the importance of stressing these two very important point. 1) You gotta lick it before you stick it. 2) Never send your soldier into battle without his helmet.
kim_larsa 5
Let them bond! This is the perfect opportunity to bond. :)
olpally 33
Awesome! Giggity :) how old is he though?
TheCutestLizard 28
The son is 27.
olpally 33
The op never said his age. That's my age though. Nice try.
Raykyogrou03 12
Giggity! Lol that advice sounds exactly like something quagmire would tell his son
AngrySailor 17
Quite a coincidence... 0.o
olpally 33
She's being a bitch to me. I have a few haters on FML. Her and theawkwardlife come out of the wood work. I went through all the comments to see if op had commented that age. This girl is being a bitch for no reason. So lizard girl, i expect better from someone who is older than me at 30 years old.
karlcolt45 19
oh well aren't you the taken care of wife!
gloooooria 14
Maybe you should have talked with your husband first? Give him some pointers from a women's prospective. Then encourage your husband to use this conversation to bond with your son while teaching him something very important. Also, your husband wasn't completely wrong.
laurenasabutton 26
"it's all about the clit" seems pretty good from a woman's perspective.
imtooshy 18
That's pretty good advice....could of been worse. I'm sure he'll figure out more along the way, and at least he knows his dad is cool and can ask him questions now.
Prolux_fml 23
*could have
thanhmaaai 9
Father-Son bonding time I guess? But really, if you think he's too young or you're worried about him, why don't YOU have a talk with him? You're just as much of a parent than your husband :)
AngrySailor 17
I must say that I agree with #23 on this one. And also that young men really don't want to hear these things from their mothers... He is lucky to have a father like that to talk to. Some kids aren't so lucky.
thanhmaaai 9
Yeah I guess you have a point but obviously who am I to talk, I'm not a boy :p
eruditecognition 10
may not be what you meant but the girl he's having sex with is going to appreciate the advice he gave.
anthony99 14
"Son, it's time we had a talk about sex. Just remember one thing...you never go ass to mouth."
AngrySailor 17
"Sometimes, in the heat of the moment. It's acceptable to go ass to mouth."
imtooshy 18
Omg @ Anthony. Lmao.