Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room... - FML

By kalleylynn - 8/6/2013 06:38 - United States - Steward

Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room since my parents left on a trip. They left my grandparents here to watch us. It was past bed time and we started hearing some strange noises through my floor. We thought it was the radio. Turns out my grandma is a screamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66147

You deserved it

5149

Tweet

Share

kalleylynn Say more :

Hey in totally glad they can still do that shit.. Just not while they are staying at my house, in my parents bed...

Instadrama

Superficial World

Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

By niabby - 20/2/2009 23:13 - United States

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45320

You deserved it

6824

Tweet

Share

By FUCKFACECUNT - 2/8/2015 13:32 - United Arab Emirates - Abu Dhabi

Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29538

You deserved it

2369

Tweet

Share

By Rachel8896 - 15/8/2013 11:28 - United States - Lakewood

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55909

You deserved it

3398

Tweet

Share

By tumblrinas_at_work - 2/5/2015 08:04 - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30631

You deserved it

2939

Tweet

Share

By Poopie - 29/1/2011 06:06 - Canada

Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28099

You deserved it

3135

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 16:08 - United States

Today, I had a mild epileptic seizure. My mom's immediate reaction was not to comfort me or call for help, but to freak out over the fact that I'd spilled my glass of milk over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30808

You deserved it

2032

Tweet

Share

By Embarrassed wife - 21/12/2018 14:00

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

1625

You deserved it

1194

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 14/3/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33963

You deserved it

81816

Tweet

Share

By SomeExplainingToDo - 4/9/2017 04:30

Today, I sent a polite yet strongly-worded email to one of my corporate clients in which I expressed my irritation at being asked the same question by the same team for the 4th day in a row. I ended it with "Regards!" but accidentally swapped the 'g' with a 't'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3341

You deserved it

1667

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/11/2018 13:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a job interview. I got there as quick as I could, having to travel 2 hours into a city I'd never been to. When I arrived, they told me I was turned down for being too late. They'd rescheduled the interview an hour earlier and I wasn't notified of the change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3524

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By ev_lyn_aw - 17/5/2017 04:00

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3753

You deserved it

259

Tweet

Share

By wdunn69733 - 11/10/2012 14:30 - United States - Macon

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86056

You deserved it

10074

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/9/2011 16:17 - United States

Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29217

You deserved it

16697

Tweet

Share

By fallsdownplenty45 - 2/6/2009 11:08 - Taiwan

Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72729

You deserved it

6684

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/2/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, I was complaining to my roommate that I never get asked out. Then, at work, a mentally challenged man left me his phone number on his pay ticket. Well, I guess I can't complain about never getting asked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21361

You deserved it

7299

Tweet

Share

By catpeecathy - 14/9/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36496

You deserved it

5382

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/9/2015 01:30

Twister

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27235

You deserved it

3265

Tweet

Share

By Dying Son - 5/4/2019 12:00

Today, as I was sitting on a bench thinking about an upcoming test, some hysterical woman slapped me out of nowhere because she thought I was staring at her ass. I was staring blankly into the void. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1929

You deserved it

165

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2018 05:00

Today, I went to a guy's dorm for the first time. He told me to wait outside for a minute because he had to "clean something up" first. When I told him I'm 420 friendly, he said, "Nah I just came on my desk earlier and didn't feel like wiping it up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4671

You deserved it

667

Tweet

Share

By fucking SUCKS let's do it LIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEE! - 10/12/2015 13:45 - United States

Today, my girlfriend jumped into my arms for a kiss. She's done it before, but this time I wasn't expecting it. I fell backwards, straight through my glass coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24576

You deserved it

2040

Tweet

Share

By heck - 12/8/2016 13:57

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7121

You deserved it

18334

Tweet

Share

By annoymous - 7/2/2017 06:00 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, it was the first time I was meeting my guy's parents. Turns out he forgot it was his mum's birthday and I ended up having to meet his whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6549

You deserved it

687

Tweet

Share

By cutiepatootie - 3/1/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25949

You deserved it

6666

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 31/3/2015 16:47 - United States - Denver

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33721

You deserved it

2700

Tweet

Share

By Kassiopia - 14/11/2009 12:35 - United States

Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter over reacted." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37245

You deserved it

3534

Tweet

Share

By snickerdoodles - 10/2/2010 21:19 - United States

Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25704

You deserved it

5972

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/1/2012 00:55 - United States

Today, I watched The Omen with my father. Halfway through driving me back home, he stopped the car and made me get out right there in a rough part of town. Fifteen minutes later, he drove up beside me, laughed hysterically at how terrified I was, and told me to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30606

You deserved it

2766

Tweet

Share

By M_Kclift1994 - 20/1/2010 23:19 - United States

Today, I fell asleep after finishing my exam. I had a dream I was falling and woke up smashing my face on the desk. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26617

You deserved it

8428

Tweet

Share

By apparentnerd - 31/10/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32583

You deserved it

7842

Tweet

Share

By Fail - 21/11/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45725

You deserved it

2989

Tweet

Share

By Broke and Blonde - 10/3/2019 12:00

Today, I had an interview for a new position in my company. The head of HR decided to sit and I got so nervous that I just spouted gibberish for 45 minutes. Pretty sure I convinced her I’m not qualified for the position I’m currently in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1791

You deserved it

512

Tweet

Share

By sam - 2/5/2010 00:12 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to do something fun and spontaneous, so we had sex in the disabled toilet in the shopping centre. Little did we know, the male AND female toilets were conveniently being cleaned at the time, so the only toilet open was the disabled one. Walk of shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11227

You deserved it

47292

Tweet

Share

By SKG95 - 22/8/2019 16:00

Today, I had a flight to Philadelphia, but it got canceled due to bad weather. I booked another, which got delayed. After waiting for almost 12 hours at the airport, I boarded, just to have a super annoying toddler kicking my seat from behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1585

You deserved it

111

Tweet

Share

By madd_dizzle - 25/10/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, my crush finally let me drive his truck for the first time in a empty parking lot, after he told me he liked me. It was so dark that I ended up driving into and pole and totaled his car. Now he hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10698

You deserved it

43178

Tweet

Share

By j - 4/6/2009 03:36 - Australia

Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47215

You deserved it

6517

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/7/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her parents seemed upset, so I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Hey, at least the weekend is coming up and you guys won't have to go in for work." Apparently, they were upset because they both got laid off from their jobs today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55390

You deserved it

8382

Tweet

Share

By ohgosh - 12/10/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, my son lost his pet rat, Charlie. Whilst vacuuming under my couch, the vacuum suddenly shut off. Something was stuck in it, so I took it apart. Something was inside, so I leaned in closer to get a better look. Bad news? I need a new vacuum. Good news? I found Charlie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33559

You deserved it

4571

Tweet

Share

By TKPhai - 5/4/2015 03:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28105

You deserved it

16381

Tweet

Share

By cereal stepper - 23/10/2016 09:42

Today, I got out of my bed and immediately stepped into a half-eaten bowl of cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7629

You deserved it

5389

Tweet

Share

By shit - 31/1/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29093

You deserved it

1888

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BlowinChronic | 18

#5526084 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

That's what you get for staying up past bed time. You risk being mentally scarred when you do that shit.

By AdamsNumberOne | 16

#5526081 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:14

At least u didnt see it happen like other fmls did?

Comments

By Jseldi | 10

#5526079 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:13

Hahhaha, how embarrassing!

Reply

AdamsNumberOne | 16

#5526089 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

What do u mean embarrassing

Reply

Clioo_fml | 17

#5526105 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:42

Well hey, they gotta stay young and free! Age is just a number...right?

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5526107 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:44

Yeah, and grandma and grandpa are 69

Reply

izzie321 | 27

#5526153 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:57

"It makes feel young again! Like I'm back in high school, all the guys want the goodies but only one can get em!"

Reply

Wiringify | 22

#5526369 - Saturday 8 June 2013 22:33

Gosh... Age is clearly a word #20

Reply

KayBo | 13

#5526475 - Sunday 9 June 2013 1:40

I really need to learn not to read FML's while eating.

By AdamsNumberOne | 16

#5526081 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:14

At least u didnt see it happen like other fmls did?

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5526148 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:52

but imagination does not help either

Reply

Samstet | 6

#5527804 - Monday 10 June 2013 0:47

True

Reply

DoomSkuller | 28

#6231558 - Saturday 14 March 2015 5:49

What makes you think they didnt see it? Maybe they went and checked, hence "thought" and finding out it was her grandma

By cash_monkey72 | 9

#5526082 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

Screamer as in she was freaking out, or screamer as in she's the lead singer of a Deathcore band?

Reply

Zen_Mei | 17

#5526118 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:05

Neither

Reply

pataplop | 23

#5526157 - Saturday 8 June 2013 18:02

Screamer, as in she was praising the pharmaceutical industry.

Reply

WonkeyDonkey | 10

#5526164 - Saturday 8 June 2013 18:16

NOPE! Screamer as in Grandpa was knocking Grandmas socks off ;) PMSL

Reply

ahinners | 11

#5526312 - Saturday 8 June 2013 21:25

Kill

Reply

Glitter_taco_ | 10

#5526415 - Sunday 9 June 2013 0:01

Screamer as in sexual pleasure moans

Reply

carnage45567 | 10

#5526830 - Sunday 9 June 2013 6:26

The old lady has life in her yet now op can say "oh my grandma is a scream" 

Reply

mn_shr | 22

#5527732 - Sunday 9 June 2013 23:08

No shit #64

By grahmagog | 14

#5526083 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

Hey old people are aloyd to do it too you know...not that i'd want to hear it either

Reply

dweeds508 | 24

#5526191 - Saturday 8 June 2013 18:50

Nice spelling

By BlowinChronic | 18

#5526084 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

That's what you get for staying up past bed time. You risk being mentally scarred when you do that shit.

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5526102 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:39

You either sleep a mentally unscarred child or stay awake long enough to become a FML poster.

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5526149 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:54

or both

By yoimtrollin | 24

#5526085 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

"Oh Das nastyyy" - Cleveland Brown

Reply

Xatraris | 34

#5526197 - Saturday 8 June 2013 19:04

"And boom goes the dynamite"

By MissWhitneyB | 17

#5526086 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

Should have went to bed on time !

But hey, better hearing it than to have witnessed it

Reply

yoimtrollin | 24

#5526088 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

Very true, very true

By Ukeee_X | 19

#5526087 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

You should... You should stay at a trusted friends. Yikes, but ya have to respect them still loving it that age!

Reply

clemsi | 20

#5526866 - Sunday 9 June 2013 7:07

What is the point of the first you should?

By Zwingend | 15

#5526090 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:18

While the location and screaming is unfortunate for you, don't begrudge them a little nookie. Contrary to popular belief, the libido doesn't stop after young adulthood.

By perdix | 29

#5526091 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:18

Sounds like they're having a funner slumber party than you are.

You gotta hand it to Grandpa for bringing it so hard he still makes her scream!

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5526205 - Saturday 8 June 2013 19:22

^ No.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5526311 - Saturday 8 June 2013 21:24

#38, if there is any silver lining to having lost both grandmothers, it might be that I don't have to face either one with this image in mind.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5526421 - Sunday 9 June 2013 0:15

#57, sorry that your comment boomeranged. I often get disturbing images from reading these stories and sharing them with the world as comments makes me feel better somehow.