Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room... - FML

By kalleylynn - 8/6/2013 06:38 - United States - Steward

Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room since my parents left on a trip. They left my grandparents here to watch us. It was past bed time and we started hearing some strange noises through my floor. We thought it was the radio. Turns out my grandma is a screamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66158

You deserved it

5149

Tweet

Share

kalleylynn tells us more :

Hey in totally glad they can still do that shit.. Just not while they are staying at my house, in my parents bed...

Fashion Police

My body, my choice

Not a cheating!

By mel - 11/5/2012 21:23 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24680

You deserved it

3112

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 20:01

Sore

Today, a few hours after me and my husband had sex, he mumbled "This is why I hate sex," as he left to grab some Tylenol. Apparently, he's so out of shape that basic sex made his muscles too sore to sleep. This is the first time in 2 weeks we've had sex. I'm always the one that has to ask for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2211

You deserved it

231

Tweet

Share

By hated - 28/12/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25447

You deserved it

2830

Tweet

Share

By ILoveFML - 29/8/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34798

You deserved it

7693

Tweet

Share

By jakewr - 2/7/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once in a vending machine than I did when I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33246

You deserved it

19762

Tweet

Share

By alerra - 20/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Baton Rouge

Not mine

Today, my roommate's parents came over to our one room apartment. They found condom wrappers. My roommate tried to say they were mine. I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2146

You deserved it

219

Tweet

Share

By loner - 31/5/2011 05:50 - Australia

Today, I read my university's newsletter. Apparently we're starting up a "buddy" system for international students. I'm signing up, because this will help me complete my goal of making my first friend at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33913

You deserved it

5650

Tweet

Share

By Natalie - 14/7/2012 16:46 - United States - Odessa

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28838

You deserved it

2215

Tweet

Share

By YuckyDuckyLucky - 3/6/2015 17:36 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I attempted to break the record for the heaviest squat in my local gym. A small crowd witnessed me breaking the record as well as releasing a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29703

You deserved it

5775

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29604

You deserved it

6380

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/6/2013 15:09 - United States - Beacon

Today, my boyfriend called me pretty. Not because he actually thinks I'm pretty, but because "Hey, how else is a guy supposed to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

59862

You deserved it

7004

Tweet

Share

By Taylor - 20/7/2012 18:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28255

You deserved it

3636

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/5/2018 20:30

(That's 77° in Freedom Units)

Today, we're having my grandmother over. Because we don't have a guest room, she is sleeping in mine. It is 25°C at night and she is sleeping naked with her dog right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3914

You deserved it

345

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/9/2009 09:48 - United States

Today, I was able to check my voicemail and email for the first time in two weeks. The only message I got was from my landlord telling me that the house I'm renting is in foreclosure, and I needed to have all my stuff out in ten days. He left the message nine days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43091

You deserved it

5743

Tweet

Share

By Kat - 24/12/2015 21:51 - Australia

Today, I made a typo in a line of code, bringing the company website down. Our admin was already pissed about having to work over Christmas, and he started yelling at me and ended up punching my supervisor when he got between us. Pretty sure my screw up indirectly got the poor guy fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22240

You deserved it

3256

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 08:03 - United States

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, "Why do the fat chicks always want me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45293

You deserved it

8754

Tweet

Share

By soldier - 6/5/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43537

You deserved it

10462

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/7/2013 04:59 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my daughter asked me to get her razors. When my 19-year-old son saw them he asked what they were for, to which my daughter replied, "For my armpits." My son then said, "Girls don't grow armpit hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49836

You deserved it

6872

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/4/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13884

You deserved it

54141

Tweet

Share

By Feema - 9/1/2020 14:00 - United States

I am his girlfriend

Today, right after sex, my boyfriend told me that I was as good as a man, and all that I was missing was a strap-on penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2392

You deserved it

321

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/2/2011 03:28 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48240

You deserved it

4978

Tweet

Share

By Dilly_20 - 22/2/2011 18:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I'd be angry if he had a foursome with 3 other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42531

You deserved it

5601

Tweet

Share

By WTFsalad - 18/2/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, I was leaving Wal-Mart with my daughter when a man was speeding the wrong way in the parking lot. To avoid getting hit, I pulled over to the side. He thought I was going the wrong way. He got out cursing and screaming and punched a dent in my hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29813

You deserved it

2425

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/2/2013 23:01 - United States

Today, I got my very first yeast infection. Thinking she would help me, I went to my mom. Instead she began yelling about how I'm lying and it's an STD and I don't believe in the power of Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36815

You deserved it

3020

Tweet

Share

By Shrimpy - 16/3/2019 20:00

Today my girlfriend and her 3 friends walked in on me doing a solo performance on myself. They stood their quietly and videoed it unknown to me. And then afterwards laughed and made fun of how small I am. And to make it worse forwarded the video to everyone. Now everyone calls me shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2964

You deserved it

463

Tweet

Share

By Danny - 25/4/2011 13:07

Today, I witnessed two women in a catfight, ripping clothes off each other. This would have been great if the two women weren't my mom and my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44722

You deserved it

4583

Tweet

Share

By fmylife7721 - 3/7/2011 05:51 - Canada

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16800

You deserved it

47611

Tweet

Share

By Ouchies - 9/2/2012 17:28 - United States

Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42260

You deserved it

2243

Tweet

Share

By THANKS4theINFO - 23/5/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13896

You deserved it

38604

Tweet

Share

By bummed - 4/11/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29043

You deserved it

16549

Tweet

Share

By - 4/1/2009 05:24 - France

Today, I withdrew $120 from the ATM at the hotel I'm staying at, only to have no money come out. When I talked to the concierge, who witnessed the whole thing, she said it had been happening all day and that the machine was broken. My bank says it's the hotel's problem, and the hotel says it's the bank's problem. Either way, I'm out $120. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33638

You deserved it

2020

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 5/3/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88641

You deserved it

5395

Tweet

Share

By broke - 16/11/2016 03:08 - United States - Orlando

Today, I paid $125 to get my car back after it was towed. Yesterday, I bought the car. When I got it to my apartment, the office wasn't open, so I couldn't get a parking decal. The same office that towed my car while they were still closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10661

You deserved it

781

Tweet

Share

By TalkedTo - 14/11/2018 03:00

Today, at 16 years old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3084

You deserved it

338

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/5/2017 22:00 - United States - Westerville

Today, I saw a dead ant. It made me think about how brief and fragile life is, why we're all here, and whether it has a point. It was a piece of lint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2469

You deserved it

820

Tweet

Share

By Shameful - 18/1/2012 19:57 - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35730

You deserved it

3765

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 18:33 - United States

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because "Nobody's that happy without drugs". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42823

You deserved it

3044

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/9/2020 16:01 - United States - Saint Paul

Dash and dine

Today, I was on a dinner date. Went really well. She said she was excited to have date number two. It came to paying. I went up to pay. Turned around. She had gone. Number blocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1505

You deserved it

102

Tweet

Share

By Jebus - 7/6/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29047

You deserved it

60865

Tweet

Share

By crazytown - 10/4/2014 15:50 - United States - Denver

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46255

You deserved it

4661

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BlowinChronic | 18

#5526084 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

That's what you get for staying up past bed time. You risk being mentally scarred when you do that shit.

By AdamsNumberOne | 16

#5526081 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:14

At least u didnt see it happen like other fmls did?

COMMENTS

By Jseldi | 10

#5526079 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:13

Hahhaha, how embarrassing!

Reply

AdamsNumberOne | 16

#5526089 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

What do u mean embarrassing

Reply

Clioo_fml | 17

#5526105 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:42

Well hey, they gotta stay young and free! Age is just a number...right?

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5526107 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:44

Yeah, and grandma and grandpa are 69

Reply

izzie321 | 27

#5526153 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:57

"It makes feel young again! Like I'm back in high school, all the guys want the goodies but only one can get em!"

Reply

Wiringify | 22

#5526369 - Saturday 8 June 2013 22:33

Gosh... Age is clearly a word #20

Reply

KayBo | 13

#5526475 - Sunday 9 June 2013 1:40

I really need to learn not to read FML's while eating.

By AdamsNumberOne | 16

#5526081 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:14

At least u didnt see it happen like other fmls did?

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5526148 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:52

but imagination does not help either

Reply

Samstet | 6

#5527804 - Monday 10 June 2013 0:47

True

Reply

DoomSkuller | 28

#6231558 - Saturday 14 March 2015 5:49

What makes you think they didnt see it? Maybe they went and checked, hence "thought" and finding out it was her grandma

By cash_monkey72 | 9

#5526082 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

Screamer as in she was freaking out, or screamer as in she's the lead singer of a Deathcore band?

Reply

Zen_Mei | 17

#5526118 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:05

Neither

Reply

pataplop | 23

#5526157 - Saturday 8 June 2013 18:02

Screamer, as in she was praising the pharmaceutical industry.

Reply

WonkeyDonkey | 10

#5526164 - Saturday 8 June 2013 18:16

NOPE! Screamer as in Grandpa was knocking Grandmas socks off ;) PMSL

Reply

ahinners | 11

#5526312 - Saturday 8 June 2013 21:25

Kill

Reply

Glitter_taco_ | 10

#5526415 - Sunday 9 June 2013 0:01

Screamer as in sexual pleasure moans

Reply

carnage45567 | 10

#5526830 - Sunday 9 June 2013 6:26

The old lady has life in her yet now op can say "oh my grandma is a scream" 

Reply

mn_shr | 22

#5527732 - Sunday 9 June 2013 23:08

No shit #64

By grahmagog | 14

#5526083 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

Hey old people are aloyd to do it too you know...not that i'd want to hear it either

Reply

dweeds508 | 24

#5526191 - Saturday 8 June 2013 18:50

Nice spelling

By BlowinChronic | 18

#5526084 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

That's what you get for staying up past bed time. You risk being mentally scarred when you do that shit.

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5526102 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:39

You either sleep a mentally unscarred child or stay awake long enough to become a FML poster.

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5526149 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:54

or both

By yoimtrollin | 24

#5526085 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

"Oh Das nastyyy" - Cleveland Brown

Reply

Xatraris | 35

#5526197 - Saturday 8 June 2013 19:04

"And boom goes the dynamite"

By MissWhitneyB | 17

#5526086 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

Should have went to bed on time !

But hey, better hearing it than to have witnessed it

Reply

yoimtrollin | 24

#5526088 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

Very true, very true

By Ukeee_X | 19

#5526087 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

You should... You should stay at a trusted friends. Yikes, but ya have to respect them still loving it that age!

Reply

clemsi | 20

#5526866 - Sunday 9 June 2013 7:07

What is the point of the first you should?

By Zwingend | 15

#5526090 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:18

While the location and screaming is unfortunate for you, don't begrudge them a little nookie. Contrary to popular belief, the libido doesn't stop after young adulthood.

By perdix | 29

#5526091 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:18

Sounds like they're having a funner slumber party than you are.

You gotta hand it to Grandpa for bringing it so hard he still makes her scream!

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5526205 - Saturday 8 June 2013 19:22

^ No.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5526311 - Saturday 8 June 2013 21:24

#38, if there is any silver lining to having lost both grandmothers, it might be that I don't have to face either one with this image in mind.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5526421 - Sunday 9 June 2013 0:15

#57, sorry that your comment boomeranged. I often get disturbing images from reading these stories and sharing them with the world as comments makes me feel better somehow.