Intimacy: Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room... - FML

By kalleylynn - United States - Steward

Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room since my parents left on a trip. They left my grandparents here to watch us. It was past bed time and we started hearing some strange noises through my floor. We thought it was the radio. Turns out my grandma is a screamer. FML

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kalleylynn tells us more :

Hey in totally glad they can still do that shit.. Just not while they are staying at my house, in my parents bed...

Proactive

Messed up

Delayed proposal

By sarahhh - United States

Today, I got my boyfriend a pair of concert tickets for his birthday. He loved the gift, but turned to me and said "Do I have to bring you?" FML

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By Kid Lacef

Today, I asked my girlfriend for a kiss, and in response, she suggested that we settle for a hand hug. FML

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By whoknows?! - France

Today, I decided to change my boyfriend's background on his phone. As I was in the process of changing it, I noticed his most recent picture is of a naked girl. The naked girl happens to be my 18 year old sister. FML

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By for shite's sake - United Kingdom - Mirfield

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the guy who sexually assaulted me when I was a child is over to have coffee with my mother. She says that it's OK, because God wouldn't want her to turn away someone who has no family. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him, "Friday." He jumped up and ran over to the TV yelling, "Oh my God! Shark week is almost over!!" I was cock-blocked by the Discovery Channel. FML

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By sam - 11/11/2020 03:03 - United States - Denver

Drama Queen

Today, my daughter lightly bumped her hand on a wall, cried and screamed for 5 minutes, vomited, then passed out. She’s 19. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 14:00

Sharing is caring

Today, nine months after changing my entire life when my father had a stroke and I became his carer full time, I called my sister to talk about some his irrational behavior. All I got in response was, "I just watched a sad movie, I can't deal with this right now." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my son was planning on going clubbing. I disapproved, but no matter what I say he never listens, so I simply offered him some condoms so he doesn't end up knocking anyone up. He just said, "Nah, dad. Get 'em drunk enough and it's anal all the way." FML

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By Haley. - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

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By HELP - United States

Today, I moved into a new house. The landlord insists it's OK for her to come up whenever she wants because she owns the house. We aren't allowed to lock the doors and she has two 8-year-olds. They come into the bathroom every time they hear the shower running. We have a clear shower curtain. FML

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By wintersoldier - Austria

Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife admitted that she purposefully starts fights with me purely because she enjoys arguing and seeing me flustered. Don't marry a lawyer. FML

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By Anonymous - Brunei Darussalam

Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML

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By Anonymous

Surprising

Today, my younger sister had some friends over at ours. I was in the shower but was horrified to realize my clothes and towel were gone. Figuring that she took them, I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but one of her friends came up to use the bathroom. She saw everything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me he thinks about some mutant bunny chick from "Final Fantasy." FML

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By theDarkandtheLight

Star Bores

Today, my boyfriend and I binged Star Wars. Now he keeps talking about how the Empire is superior to the Republic, digging up Reddit threads / YouTube videos / expressing his own political ideas to convince me of this. I just wanted to watch the movies. FML

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By Jif_Creamy - United States - Washington

Today, at my college, someone snatched my laptop out of my hands, so I chased him. Turns out I'm so overweight and slow that he moonwalked away facing me, while I sprinted my heart out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

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By alliwantisabandaid

Today, I cut my finger deep on an envelope at work and started bleeding profusely. When I asked my co-worker for a band-aid, she told me to get back to work and stop making up excuses to try and hit on her. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2020 08:58 - United States

Ties that bind

Today, I offered to give my ex a ride home from work. He and I ended on good terms years ago, we just aren't compatible with each other. I dropped him off and not ten seconds later, he came back out looking sick. His fiancee was inside having sex with MY new boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 11:01

Innocence

Today, my mom mentioned that she doesn’t think she’s gonna let my baby sister believe in Santa. When I mentioned that I believed in Santa growing up, she casually replied with, "Yeah, well you were slow." FML

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By limeychefboy

Today, I was on my motorbike 200km from home in the middle of nowhere when I needed to poop, so I found a wooded area and did my thing. As I was climbing back up, I knocked my helmet from its perch and watched it roll right into what I’d just left. FML

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By shtzbutnogiggles - United States

Today, I was at a concert and I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, this was cut short when the person behind me with the worst halitosis started singing along to the songs. He knew ALL the lyrics. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I had an awful day and angrily threw a glass at the wall. Needless to say, I didn't feel like cleaning it up, and I took a nap, intending to do it later. I thought I would remember the bits of glass everywhere when I woke up. I didn't, but my feet soon did. FML

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By thebiteof87 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

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By tired - United States

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I had been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get into bed. While I was unlocking my front door, the flimsy key snapped off inside the lock. A locksmith was called out, who did nothing but sadistically guffaw at my misfortune and crack sarcastic jokes as he undid the lock. FML

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By anon

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

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By traumatized - United States

Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I figured out why my name is Ashley. In order to tell my older sister about getting a new little sister, my parents thought it would be a good idea to make her imaginary friend "Ashley" real. FML

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By Lexxiluvstwat

Today, I was written up at work and sent home 20 minutes into my shift. My boss thought I was under the influence of something, but it’s really just the first time I’ve come to work with no makeup on. FML

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By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

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By Alice - United States

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

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By öKANEö - United States - San Marcos

Today, during class, a student began arguing with my Algebra II teacher about whether or not water is wet. The student became so frustrated he threw a stapler across the room. Guess who got hit in the head and is currently bleeding pints in the nurse's office. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I now have been dumped by 4 serious girlfriends in the last 5 years, each of them for the same reason: Being with me would have meant dealing with my mother who, without fail, asked each of them when we planned on marrying and having kids, every single week. FML

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By nzkristy - New Zealand

Today, I got sent home from work for appearing stoned/under the influence of drugs. I suffer from severe hay fever, which no antihistamine has fixed yet, hence the red and glassy eyes. FML

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By Noah

Today, a friend pointed out to me that I bear a striking resemblance to Anne Frank. I'm a 16-year-old guy, and I'm inclined to agree with him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after years of marriage and my lazy husband letting himself go, I can now finish a bottle of wine and still be sober. This means I've built immunity to the last thing that can make me want to have sex with him. FML

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Top comments

By BlowinChronic | 18

#5526084 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

That's what you get for staying up past bed time. You risk being mentally scarred when you do that shit.

By AdamsNumberOne | 16

#5526081 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:14

At least u didnt see it happen like other fmls did?

COMMENTS

By Jseldi | 10

#5526079 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:13

Hahhaha, how embarrassing!

Reply

AdamsNumberOne | 16

#5526089 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

What do u mean embarrassing

Reply

Clioo_fml | 17

#5526105 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:42

Well hey, they gotta stay young and free! Age is just a number...right?

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5526107 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:44

Yeah, and grandma and grandpa are 69

Reply

izzie321 | 27

#5526153 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:57

"It makes feel young again! Like I'm back in high school, all the guys want the goodies but only one can get em!"

Reply

Wiringify | 22

#5526369 - Saturday 8 June 2013 22:33

Gosh... Age is clearly a word #20

Reply

KayBo | 13

#5526475 - Sunday 9 June 2013 1:40

I really need to learn not to read FML's while eating.

By AdamsNumberOne | 16

#5526081 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:14

At least u didnt see it happen like other fmls did?

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5526148 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:52

but imagination does not help either

Reply

Samstet | 6

#5527804 - Monday 10 June 2013 0:47

True

Reply

DoomSkuller | 28

#6231558 - Saturday 14 March 2015 5:49

What makes you think they didnt see it? Maybe they went and checked, hence "thought" and finding out it was her grandma

By cash_monkey72 | 9

#5526082 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

Screamer as in she was freaking out, or screamer as in she's the lead singer of a Deathcore band?

Reply

Zen_Mei | 17

#5526118 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:05

Neither

Reply

pataplop | 23

#5526157 - Saturday 8 June 2013 18:02

Screamer, as in she was praising the pharmaceutical industry.

Reply

WonkeyDonkey | 10

#5526164 - Saturday 8 June 2013 18:16

NOPE! Screamer as in Grandpa was knocking Grandmas socks off ;) PMSL

Reply

ahinners | 11

#5526312 - Saturday 8 June 2013 21:25

Kill

Reply

Glitter_taco_ | 10

#5526415 - Sunday 9 June 2013 0:01

Screamer as in sexual pleasure moans

Reply

carnage45567 | 10

#5526830 - Sunday 9 June 2013 6:26

The old lady has life in her yet now op can say "oh my grandma is a scream" 

Reply

mn_shr | 22

#5527732 - Sunday 9 June 2013 23:08

No shit #64

By grahmagog | 14

#5526083 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

Hey old people are aloyd to do it too you know...not that i'd want to hear it either

Reply

dweeds508 | 24

#5526191 - Saturday 8 June 2013 18:50

Nice spelling

By BlowinChronic | 18

#5526084 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

That's what you get for staying up past bed time. You risk being mentally scarred when you do that shit.

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5526102 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:39

You either sleep a mentally unscarred child or stay awake long enough to become a FML poster.

Reply

LeFrogDog | 27

#5526149 - Saturday 8 June 2013 17:54

or both

By yoimtrollin | 24

#5526085 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:15

"Oh Das nastyyy" - Cleveland Brown

Reply

Xatraris | 35

#5526197 - Saturday 8 June 2013 19:04

"And boom goes the dynamite"

By MissWhitneyB | 17

#5526086 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

Should have went to bed on time !

But hey, better hearing it than to have witnessed it

Reply

yoimtrollin | 24

#5526088 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

Very true, very true

By Ukeee_X | 19

#5526087 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:16

You should... You should stay at a trusted friends. Yikes, but ya have to respect them still loving it that age!

Reply

clemsi | 20

#5526866 - Sunday 9 June 2013 7:07

What is the point of the first you should?

By Zwingend | 15

#5526090 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:18

While the location and screaming is unfortunate for you, don't begrudge them a little nookie. Contrary to popular belief, the libido doesn't stop after young adulthood.

By perdix | 29

#5526091 - Saturday 8 June 2013 16:18

Sounds like they're having a funner slumber party than you are.

You gotta hand it to Grandpa for bringing it so hard he still makes her scream!

Reply

gracehi | 31

#5526205 - Saturday 8 June 2013 19:22

^ No.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5526311 - Saturday 8 June 2013 21:24

#38, if there is any silver lining to having lost both grandmothers, it might be that I don't have to face either one with this image in mind.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5526421 - Sunday 9 June 2013 0:15

#57, sorry that your comment boomeranged. I often get disturbing images from reading these stories and sharing them with the world as comments makes me feel better somehow.