Transportation: Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her...

By cane - 05/03/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 172

You deserved it 65 325

Transportation

Vulture

BO Central

The Other Woman

By mortifiedgrandchild - 09/01/2012 18:53 - United States

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 148

You deserved it 4 341

By Anonymous - 27/11/2012 05:06 - United States - Appleton

Today, my step-mom restarted the computer because she thought she'd downloaded a virus that stopped her from being able to click on anything, erasing my 7-page paper in the process. It turns out it was just the batteries dying in our wireless mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 529

You deserved it 13 372

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 03:19 - United States - Warsaw

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 007

You deserved it 52 367

By Stripperofthemall - 25/08/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 135

You deserved it 2 897

By asshalf15 - 25/07/2014 20:19 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 420

You deserved it 4 400

By Malcolm654 - 29/09/2016 03:20 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years in front of the sell-out crowd at the baseball game, but at the security checkpoint, the security guard made me take the ring out and open it after I walked through the metal detector. No need to say it, worst proposal ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 884

You deserved it 1 850

By Fran - 09/01/2010 08:40 - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 433

You deserved it 3 359

By Bummer - 30/10/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 755

You deserved it 3 870

Boundaries

By Sfg_926 - 26/06/2016 05:02 - United States - Newberg

Today, I told one of my coworkers that she looked really cute today. Later she sent an email to me and cc'd the entire office saying, "It really makes me feel uncomfortable when you say things like that to me. And I shouldn't have to feel that way at work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 840

You deserved it 3 517

By Sky - 25/07/2018 01:30

Today, since my parents always told me that I was welcome to come home whenever I want or need, I decided to stop by. They'd changed the locks and wouldn't let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 422

You deserved it 308

By proudparent - 07/12/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 346

You deserved it 6 670

By Crystal - 10/01/2009 08:21 - France

Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 787

You deserved it 6 186

Caught in 4K

By Shiet - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, I found out that people are notified when you list them on Twitter. I've been listing people as "Interesting" and "Stupid". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 965

You deserved it 22 557

By thatsjustgreat - 25/01/2009 00:27 - United States

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 793

You deserved it 9 240

By Annon - 26/11/2011 11:38 - Australia

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 768

You deserved it 2 467

By annoyedguy - 30/06/2009 11:20 - United States

Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I text her angry, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. 5 Minutes later I get a picture message of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother saying "Shut the **** up, she had appendicitis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 403

You deserved it 96 167

By sarad206 - 19/02/2014 21:09 - United States

Today, I was cleaning the bathrooms at work. An older gentlemen came in and needed to use it. He said to me "Oh no, PLEASE stay, just don't look." I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 391

You deserved it 3 815

Animal Farm

By Jaden Dubin - 31/07/2020 08:02

Today, I found a mouse stuck in a glue trap at work. I had to take it home to get it off with oil, and then I released it outside. Twenty minutes later, the cat returned it to me, dead. After that, the dogs dug it up where I buried it. Sorry, mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 419

By creeper - 03/09/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. When the show was over I got the chance to meet them. When I met the guitarist and told him my name, he recognized me. To my disappointment it was as the facebook creeper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 046

You deserved it 50 834

By sorethumb - 15/12/2015 23:39 - United Kingdom - Bookham

Today, while observing a surgery, I was asked to open a glass ampule of adrenaline. Not only did I break it and get it everywhere, I sliced open my thumb bad enough to need stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 458

You deserved it 3 357

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 461

You deserved it 11 093

By DaycareMama92 - 28/04/2017 16:00

Today, I fractured a bone in my foot by dropping a shampoo bottle on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 220

You deserved it 400

By MotherMary - 12/10/2014 13:21 - United States - Park Hills

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of three years, who can't get it up for me and has been blaming blood pressure issues, apparently has no problem getting it up while watching the neighbor undress from our window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 971

You deserved it 5 252

Truth hurts

By markerThief - 13/10/2013 04:33 - United States - Apple Valley

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 333

You deserved it 10 951

Definitely confusing

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 10:00 - United States

Today, I lost my job, neither by quitting or getting fired. I don't know whether to be mad or confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 67

By Whoopsie - 30/06/2014 19:51 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up loudly screaming from a "night" terror. I say "night"; I was actually at my desk at work, in the middle of the day, surrounded by dozens of co-workers in their cubicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 733

You deserved it 11 084

By Baby eater - 20/05/2014 00:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 388

You deserved it 5 809

By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 760

You deserved it 4 172

Hobbies and Interests

By Hireme - 08/07/2018 01:30

Today, after being unemployed for the last year, I finally got an interview. When they asked me my favorite pastime, I panicked and said, "Dancing with my cat." I guess I won’t be hearing from them anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 490

You deserved it 1 066

Relax!

By still sore - 12/10/2019 19:00

Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 116

You deserved it 167

Bed of nails

By JoanT - 31/08/2020 20:01 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, my boyfriend’s bed is so uncomfortable that even after six months of not seeing him, I’m sleeping on the floor so I can actually get some sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 171

By L_M_AND_R_L - 24/06/2016 14:15 - United States

Today, I asked my mom not to bring her dog to my wedding, since he's a real pain in the ass. She told me not to worry about it because she didn't feel like going anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 931

You deserved it 1 170

By Jon - 07/06/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 153

You deserved it 79 054

Jamaica? I hardly know her

By Anonymous - 07/10/2015 10:58 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, my mom and I went to catch our flight to Jamaica. She ended up being detained and questioned, because she packed hairspray, shampoo, drinks, basically half the shit you're not allowed to have in your luggage. We missed our flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 254

You deserved it 2 444

By wtfisthisworldcomingto - 25/04/2011 12:11

Today, I was mugged. The guy mugging me was eating a banana. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 367

You deserved it 7 356

By Dirtbikesnowboard - 09/11/2016 19:00 - United States - Cedar City

Today, my best friend got jealous that his dog likes me more. He told me I have to spank it whenever it cuddles with me so it will love him more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 524

You deserved it 637

By Anonymous - 15/05/2015 23:55 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 650

You deserved it 2 363

By Anonymous - 15/05/2016 22:25 - United States - Phoenixville

Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 536

You deserved it 1 332

By fire starter - 16/08/2015 04:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 060

You deserved it 2 096

By Anonymous - 20/10/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that while I was in the ICU for having had a life-threatening seizure, my boyfriend was out partying with other girls. His excuse was that he needed to find a new girl if I died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 070

You deserved it 290

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Top comments

potentpotable 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:22

YDI..it doesn't matter what car it is, if you flip out so much over a phone vibrate then you shouldn't be behind any motorized vehicle at all.

eshy 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:08

This is why you don't drink and drive.

SilverBallet 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:06

Proof that Starbucks is evil. Sympathies.

lemonlife 0

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Monday 6 September 2010 6:05

oh you poor damn baby!!! it's a freakinnnn porscheee

someonetobe 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:07

Eh, kind of begging for that to happen. I mean, sure it really, really sucks. But your mom let you drive her Porsche. You should have been a tad more careful. Sorry. :(

Kamon97 23

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Saturday 5 October 2013 15:56

YDI spoiled kid

thinkpink 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:07

If a vibration in your pocket startled you so much you spilled the coffee, you're officially a dumb ass.

eshy 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:08

This is why you don't drink and drive.

Kennygman 0

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Thursday 6 January 2011 10:36

haha u made my day

magicmarkers 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:10

You deserved that one.

leeton 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:17

wait so the car was like still in drive gear when you decided to take the coffee out? so you didn't put the car in park when you decided to take the coffee out... seems illogical. maybe you're a girl. yeah that probably explains it. if you're a guy then you are just retarded

potentpotable 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:22

YDI..it doesn't matter what car it is, if you flip out so much over a phone vibrate then you shouldn't be behind any motorized vehicle at all.

nedderbutters 6

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Friday 13 January 2012 10:51

nicely said !

skylitxrock 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:28

smooth move.

King_of_Kings_2 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:31

Ferraris are better!

tehbassmasta 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 3:18

price for price, nope.

alex_vik 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 2:34

Wait, not only did a tiny vibration in your pocket make you crash your car and spill coffee, but you didn't park the car and turn it off before taking the coffee out? Your fault.