Today, after begging for over an hour, I had to pay my sister...

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 10:01 - United States

Today, after begging for over an hour, I had to pay my sister $20 to wax my back for me so my bra would stop painfully pulling at the hair I repulsively seem to be growing there. FML

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

DINOSAURS!!

Live dumping

By IssacB - 17/7/2015 17:56 - United States

Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML

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By bad_luck_chuck - 4/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got a Samsung Galaxy and opened the box to see a cracked screen. I showed the clerk and she said I must have dropped it. I hadn't moved since she handed me the box. FML

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By Miguel Ezpeleta - 29/5/2020 05:00

Never get involved

Today, I was working for my cousin. However, two weeks ago I found out my cousin's wife was cheating on him, through lying to her best friend. I told him, and he later told her. They've apparently made up, because I got fired. FML

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By Trumpet - 28/6/2019 02:49

Today, my mom called me again to whine about what she heard about Trump on the news. I don't like him either and often agree with her, but she does this every 20 minutes so she can update with me. She's done this since he took office. FML

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By Maxx - 7/3/2010 03:56 - United States

Today, I was so bored at work that I put a zip tie on my finger just for the excitement of trying to get it off. FML

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By lonely_island - 28/4/2014 21:27 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I finally worked up the guts to add the guy I like on Facebook. To make it less obvious, I added 15 other people as well. Everyone added me back, except him. FML

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By Ohgodhelpme - 25/10/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend bought me a vibrator for my birthday. Sounds sweet, right? Then he invited my 10/14-year-old cousins to our house. They surprised me in my room. While I was using it. FML

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By T3kM4n - 20/9/2016 06:08 - United States - Spokane

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2016 02:17 - United States - High Springs

Today, while working as a highway patrol officer, I pulled over my girlfriend for speeding and was required by law to ticket her. Another officer was with me, so I couldn't not ticket her without being reported. We share a joint account, so I basically ticketed myself. FML

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By hwood - 9/9/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my Grandmother was sent to the ER. My family blamed it on her being allergic to my cats, making me feel guilty. She just called me to tell me the test results informed her that she is actually allergic to the carrot cake they got her. I gave my cats away 15 minutes ago to a little girl. FML

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By fmlfmlfml - 2/6/2009 18:03 - United States

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

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By wonder woman - 8/9/2012 04:47 - United States - Levittown

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

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By unknown - 28/5/2019 04:00

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

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By notthebesttime - 13/10/2012 12:04

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

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By Hilary - 23/9/2010 01:25 - Australia

Today, I was trying to relieve a dog that looked like it was choking because it was tied to a pole while its owner was in a restaurant. The owner called a security guard because she was convinced I was trying to steal her dog. FML

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By kelkline - 31/8/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

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By imnotacat - 20/7/2011 01:29 - United States

Today, I was riding on the bus, when I felt a weird sensation on my hair. The person behind me was petting it. FML

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By heymacie - 19/2/2015 05:45 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

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By Joe - 27/8/2012 13:33 - United States - Coalgate

Today, I started my new job at a fragrance store. While training, the manager had me smell all of the scents to become familiar with the products. Before my shift was over, I'd had three asthma attacks. FML

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By blewidstepr - 16/5/2011 03:40

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

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By guest - 17/9/2015 04:16 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend that said, "I love you." Thinking this meant he'd changed his mind about breaking up with me less than 24 hours before, I replied back excitedly. Turns out that was a text sent last weekend that didn't go through until now. What great timing. FML

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By bgoodwin07 - 29/11/2011 13:31 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has been sending dirty text messages to my mom. Which wouldn't be a problem except they're divorced and my dad is remarried. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 00:01

Desks are so judgmental these days!

Today, I was promptly told to lose weight today by my computer desk when it broke under the weight of my leg. FML

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By ineedaraise - 15/7/2015 01:04 - Canada - London

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML

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By mrs.nerd - 23/10/2011 12:38 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

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By mysterygurll1234567 - 20/1/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was fired from my job. The reason? My boss didn't feel comfortable paying his son's girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2009 17:30 - United States

Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML

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By Natasha - 29/10/2015 08:58 - United States - Seattle

Today, I got so desperate for cash that I decided to start selling my used panties online. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2013 19:37 - United States - Norcross

Today, I had a formal complaint filed against me for being outrageously rude to a customer. All I did was tell a customer that she couldn't use food stamps at the movie theater. FML

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By fml - 22/5/2012 23:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. He asked me what had brought me there, so I said I needed to get over some issues. He told me to close my eyes and visualize myself constructing a bridge. I paid to get told to build a bridge in my mind's eye. FML

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By - 25/1/2020 18:00

Please do it

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

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By priceycommute - 19/8/2017 04:33

Today, after rushing to the bus stop and frantically boarding at the last possible second, I realized that I didn't pay my fare with a single, but a twenty. FML

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By Uhmm... - 13/5/2011 23:06 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML

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By HylianFox - 27/1/2012 04:07 - United States

Today, my parents had a long discussion on whether a cut on my arm looked like a vagina. FML

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By haha - 4/9/2011 00:04 - United States

Today, I was at the library, and had finally found the book I'd been looking for, when a man approaches me, says "The main character dies at the end", and walks away. FML

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By holla1787 - 4/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

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By frogdog563 - 1/9/2019 14:00

Today, my little sister asked what the noises were last night. It happened to be my dad and his girlfriend fooling around. I ended up telling her it was ghosts. Now I'm grounded by my dad who yelled at me for scaring her. I was trying to save his ass from a lot of questions. FML

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By dickface - 1/4/2016 01:52 - United States - Lewisburg

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

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Top comments

By funhun123 | 0

#1764708 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:23

I can't really blame your sister for not wanting to wax your back hair...

By Cinn_fml | 22

#1764723 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:28

As it's causing you pain you might want to think about permanent removal.
Though it sucks she wasn't willing to do it as a favour, though I suppose it depends how much there was, if it was just a little patch then it shouldn't have bothered her so much. I can understand her being a little more disgusted if there was loads.

COMMENTS

By AmazonGurrl | 0

#1764688 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:20

I bet that felt lovely.

haitilover | 0

#1764715 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:24

hah

Kua_Mei | 0

#1764833 - Sunday 28 November 2010 20:02

Probably feels better now than it did before.

buzz18 | 7

#1765513 - Sunday 28 November 2010 20:53

wonder how it felt

jakeisawake | 3

#1765531 - Sunday 28 November 2010 21:00

#44, it felt lovely.

EffinAhole | 0

#1765694 - Sunday 28 November 2010 22:31

lovely... I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

alex1432 | 9

#1766849 - Monday 29 November 2010 7:53

you know in some countries, they actually eat vomit. I've never been there, but read about it. In a book!!

sexybacon | 0

#1766871 - Monday 29 November 2010 8:19

134- You're more worthless than a shit flavored lollypop!!

FAILml | 7

#1768605 - Monday 29 November 2010 16:32

#135 2girls1cup DO NOT LOOK IT UP

rootbeerfanatic | 6

#1770149 - Monday 29 November 2010 23:34

dodgeball!

By haitilover | 0

#1764690 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:20

GROSS

alex1432 | 9

#1766852 - Monday 29 November 2010 7:55

only 20 bucks... damn that not a bad dead on your part

hahasooo | 2

#4565279 - Thursday 14 June 2012 7:15

damn right thats gross!

By HSOMGF | 5

#1764692 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:20

LOL

H3ALTHFR3AK | 0

#1765687 - Sunday 28 November 2010 22:25

I see why it took an hour of begging. I can't understand chewbacca either

bamagrl410 | 31

#1766917 - Monday 29 November 2010 9:03

73 - You literally made me laugh out loud to the point where everyone around me is wondering what the hell is wrong with me. You definitely win.

EffinAhole | 0

#1767404 - Monday 29 November 2010 10:46

73 epic win!

imoldgregg123 | 0

#1767528 - Monday 29 November 2010 11:50

hahaha!! that was amazing!

By fakeaccountX | 6

#1764700 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:22

Wow I feel bad for your sister

SadinSherman | 16

#1768128 - Monday 29 November 2010 14:39

She should have charged more

By L3g4lPl4typus | 0

#1764703 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:22

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

lollovelife0304 | 3

#4994089 - Tuesday 2 October 2012 2:52

How does OP deserve it?
It's not like you can control the hair growth on your back?!

By KingDingALing | 9

#1764705 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:23

That's...so...fucking...
SEXY!

yourmurderscenex | 13

#1765659 - Sunday 28 November 2010 22:08

i'll have to agree with you

By TheDrifter | 23

#1764707 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:23

It's time for laser hair removal op. That is just nasty.

By funhun123 | 0

#1764708 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:23

I can't really blame your sister for not wanting to wax your back hair...

By skyttlz | 32

#1764710 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:24

I hope that never happens to me.

persianjr1 | 7

#1772452 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 8:15

it will. mwahahaha


kajolphagura | 6

#3801450 - Thursday 29 December 2011 5:38

HA U JINXED IT NOW U WILL HAVE A HAIRY BACK :D

By Mielad | 0

#1764712 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:24

Sisters should do that for free. D:
That's what you got family for, even though it's gross. :S

Lucidium | 0

#1765603 - Sunday 28 November 2010 21:36

Good Job. That is one of the reasons this is an FML.