Miscellaneous: Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing... - FML

By Noname - France

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

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Shot from both sides

Too much meat on my hands

Weirdo geek freaks out

By xXEndlesslullabyXx - United States

Today, my grandmother's excuse for not going to my college graduation was because she'd already bought her bingo card. FML

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By anamanaguchi

Today, a 6th grader came up to me and told me I have the smallest breasts in the class. I'm their teacher. FML

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By NoBikesForYou - Israel - Ramla

Today, I was showing my 6-year-old son how easy and safe it is to ride a bike. I didn't notice a pebble, bust up my leg and my son is now terrified of bicycles. FML

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By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

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By UnluckyReporter - United States - Lexington

Today, I lost control of my car on a patch of ice and slid off the road, messing up my car. I was working on a news story about bad road conditions. FML

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By Rob - United States

Today, I finally released my first music album. I dropped out of college to pay for it after my friends who liked my music urged me to. They keep telling me how much they love the CD. I've only sold one copy. Turns out they put it on a sharing site so only one of them would have to buy it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I were hanging out when we thought it would be cool to set off a few fireworks. Nothing burns quite like the hair on the left side of your head. FML

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By wils - United States

Today, after work, I peeled a parking ticket off my windshield. It was so hot that the ink from the ticket made a stamp on my windshield. Now I have a permanent reminder staring me in the face wherever I drive. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan

Today, I broke up with the girl I'd been dating for two months because she started smoking. This is a deal breaker for me. I just found out from her friend that she started smoking for the sole purpose of getting me to break it off and now plans to quit. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML

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By Anonymous

Age ain't nothing but a number

Today, I was asked for ID to purchase decorative scissors. I was buying them to make my wedding decorations. FML

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By theoriginalkydd - Canada - Toronto

Today, I met up with my ex girlfriend for coffee. It’s been months, and I was planning on flexing on her with my new car. Turns out, she also got a new car, and it’s newer, cleaner, faster, and better on gas... FML

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By 7rafe7 - United States

Today, I learned that standing next to a hobo doesn't make me look better in comparison, but instead just makes me seem like a hobo as well. FML

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By Flarewolf - United Kingdom

Today, my family went and visited my nan. She ushered me in close and asked, "When are you going to knock it off with all this emo cockshite?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got called for a job interview. I didn't catch where it was, and in my excitement I forgot to ask. I now have no idea where I'm being interviewed. FML

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By FoodyFood - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

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By Maryanne Swain

Today, after I've been sick all week, but still coming in to work (I'm not contagious) because I know that we're short staffed, I sucked it up and came in again, only to find out 3 other employees called in because they're hungover. Now I have to do my job and theirs. FML

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By Chilly - United States - Wasilla

Today, I told my mom that my boyfriend had broken up with me. She was more upset about it than I was. She actually almost cried. FML

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By fmjob - Canada

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, a man wearing a Santa hat stumbled out of a bar, staggered over to my car, and vomited through the open window into my lap. FML

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By theflow - Australia - Perth

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

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By xXxtwilightLUV95xXx - United States

Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML

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By jkmartinjk - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, on an important call with a potential employer, he began to speak quieter and quieter until I couldn't hear him at all. When I finally hung up after waiting for 5 minutes, I realized that I had been pressing down on the volume button. FML

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By darknight

Today, I found out that pretending to be a bum begging for money can get you stuck in a jail cell for a few hours. FML

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By cutup - United States - Gainesville

Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my Homecoming dance. I had a great time until some fat girl kept trying to dance with my date, even though he politely asked her to stop. I decided to intervene. I found myself pinned to the floor by a fat girl crushing on my date, who was cheering her on as she tackled me. FML

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By arse-face - Ireland - Caher

Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

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By cj1012 - United States

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

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By liver - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

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By toe - United States - Sullivan

Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, at dinner, my downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not my phone that vibrates at that time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Paramus

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was at work serving customers at the checkout. A girl was brushing the floor behind me. I turned around and whichever way she brushed, the brush hit me twice straight in the balls before she noticed anything. She had to serve the rest of the customers while I recovered. FML

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By suffersecks - United States

Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML

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By ihatemyjob - Canada

Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML

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By Alyssa - Canada - Toronto

Today, I paid $50 on a haircut. Halfway through, I realized the hair dresser was drunk. FML

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By startingover - United States

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rocky Mount

Today, I had to sit through the wedding of my best friend and the love of my life, and pretend to be happy for them. FML

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Top comments

By Loboguy | 0

#153917 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:50

I'm a guy, so no comment about having stomach hair .. but we're all mammals aren't we?
F*** this sexist world for making girls everywhere think their beautiful natural bodies are unnatural.
Never ever met a girl I haven't found attractive in some way or other.

By olypicgold | 0

#714 - Sunday 8 February 2009 20:53

a little faint hair is kinda cute. as long as its not like a fucking forest

COMMENTS

By olypicgold | 0

#714 - Sunday 8 February 2009 20:53

a little faint hair is kinda cute. as long as its not like a fucking forest

Reply

LOL_UrLifeSucks | 0

#970843 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 3:37

2- lol agreed

By Curcolio_fml | 0

#4120 - Friday 20 February 2009 0:33

3 pages, and it's the 12th FML that is directly translated from VDM (the french website FML is derivated from...).

FTL

By JNY007 | 0

#7637 - Thursday 26 February 2009 7:28

@6- I have both.

By asunnyday | 0

#14431 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 16:52

you and me both. except i just pluck em.

Reply

greekgal44 | 14

#3082695 - Thursday 11 August 2011 4:04

i shave 'em

Reply

farrito102993 | 9

#6428727 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 6:33

I pluck mine, too! Everyone around here thinks I'm crazy and that it hurts- it doesn't at all!

By flyfallfadeaway | 0

#31954 - Saturday 14 March 2009 23:46

its normal.

especially if youre not completely done with puberty.

By dumbdumb | 0

#53554 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:39

i hear ya. I wax.

By mustache321 | 0

#131730 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 3:45

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By mustache321 | 0

#131735 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 3:44

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By Apocalyptus | 0

#136371 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:21

That's pretty normal, for a human being...

By Loboguy | 0

#153917 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:50

I'm a guy, so no comment about having stomach hair .. but we're all mammals aren't we?
F*** this sexist world for making girls everywhere think their beautiful natural bodies are unnatural.
Never ever met a girl I haven't found attractive in some way or other.

Reply

RedCarpetGrave | 0

#314882 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 18:40

That's a good way to be. I salute you, sir.

Reply

Madame_Javert | 4

#985068 - Monday 26 April 2010 8:02

That's really a great way to be, like #19 said. You have just restored my faith in the male gender, #14. :)

Reply

blo0_starZz | 0

#1063662 - Monday 5 July 2010 2:13

aaw <3
i think my faith in men was rrborm o.e

Reply

NewSlang | 0

#1183447 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 20:33

I agree with all the repliers to your comment, sir. Thank you for respecting that. :-)

Reply

YummiGummi | 0

#1973851 - Sunday 16 January 2011 17:51

awww :)

Reply

armydaughtr | 0

#2443582 - Monday 2 May 2011 6:24

wow that is amazing, Thanx for letting me know not all men are jerks<3

Reply

CherryBombb | 0

#2733840 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 1:59

Oh my gosh, I wish every guy thought the way you do. (:

Reply

realportlandian | 2

#4534583 - Thursday 7 June 2012 8:00

I

Reply

skiper6 | 2

#4685505 - Saturday 14 July 2012 7:30

As a guy, I totally agree. No one is perfect. All of this is normal, even when things can seem crazy. Just remember that life can go on.