Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing... - FML

By Noname - 9/1/2009 05:18 - France

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

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Social distancing gone wrong

Fake News

Risky business

By Matt L. - 30/7/2020 14:02

Thanks, I hate it

Today, my car insurance called about "the car I hit" on Monday night. Monday, I'd gone to the girl I’ve been seeing for a month's house for chicken parm and to meet her parents. I parked on the street. Her dad ran into the back of my car, leaving a dent. I never got the chicken parm either. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2009 20:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

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By notastoner - 19/6/2011 06:38 - United States

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied "No", he said "You mean you always look like that?" FML

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By blackedout - 6/10/2009 05:25 - Singapore

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/10/2016 20:22 - Switzerland

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

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By GoldenSteve - 5/11/2015 15:31 - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

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By WTF - 22/8/2012 22:22 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend confided to me that he has a used condom collection. When I reacted with disgust, he "reassured" me that he only keeps the ones he uses with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2012 16:09 - United Kingdom - Darlington

Today, I had the contraceptive implant removed from my arm after having had it in for three years. I was one of the unlucky people whose body sticks to it. It took half an hour to cut and pull a tiny little stick out of my arm. FML

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By WasFeelingGood - 27/10/2009 13:32 - United States

Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML

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By mother to an ugly doll - 4/9/2013 18:10 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

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By Invisible - 22/5/2009 19:27 - Switzerland

Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML

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By Sarah - 30/8/2012 12:58 - United States - Hampton Bays

Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML

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By TrueScotsman - 29/10/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2012 04:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was reading erotic literature and noticed several errors in syntax, resulting in my mood being killed. I was cockblocked by my need for grammatical correctness. FML

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By whyme102008 - 13/7/2011 06:32 - United States

Family Matters

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 07:32 - United States

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

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By the poor man - 5/9/2015 17:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2009 03:34 - New Zealand

Today, I was hanging out with some disabled people at the day-centre where I work. We had the music blasting and were laughing and dancing around. My boss took me aside and said that it wasn't really appropriate for me to mock the clients by imitating their dancing. That's just how I dance. FML

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By anonymous - 20/6/2012 14:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

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By Busty - 21/11/2017 06:00

These jugs don't belong here...

Today, Walmart was out of quart milk jugs except for one. When I went to grab it, I had to practically climb into the fridge. My boobs got stuck on the shelf on the way out, and it took a solid two minutes to wiggle my way free. I had an audience. FML

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By Sophie - 17/2/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, after recently having had surgery, I Iearnt that some extra tissue was needed to cover up the hole in the roof of my mouth. Where did they get this tissue? From a dead person. I now have the flesh of a dead person in my mouth, which by the way is now infected. FML

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By Steve-noh - 10/8/2018 23:30

All in a day's work.

Today, at my job as a waiter I sharted myself while taking an order. They tipped me $20 and wrote "for new underwear" on the receipt. FML

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By juli - 24/7/2010 17:47 - Taiwan

Today, while I was driving my 27 year old boyfriend 8 hours to a Pokémon event, he realized he didn't bring his DS with him. He cried about it. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/9/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML

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By Acu7519 - 16/4/2018 15:00

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

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By - 17/2/2020 18:00

When karma does its job

Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML

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By scheisse - 14/7/2013 21:25 - Germany - Herne

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2015 04:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2012 08:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

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By Matt - 20/3/2011 05:08 - United States

Today, I was late for the bus. I chased after it for 3 blocks until I realized that the bus driver was laughing at me trying to catch her. FML

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By Kevin - 21/5/2019 16:02

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I "always wear that stupid little hat." I'm Jewish. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2009 13:34 - United States

Today, a mother wrote me a $130 check for babysitting her four kids for a few hours. Trying to be gracious, I said, "Wow, thank you, this is very generous!" She thought for a minute, then said, "You're right." She took the check back, ripped it up, and wrote me a new one for $55. FML

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By arsenic660 - 30/7/2009 03:17 - United States

Today, I went into my part-time job at a drugstore. We always have one item we try and sell to every customer. For the next week I have to ask every person if they would like to try my nuts. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

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By Goatbeard - 15/2/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I just pulled out of the fast food drive through, only to pull right behind a septic truck. Just as I was about to dig into my food, I noticed it had a handy window about a foot round. I had a stare-down with a turd until I could pass. FML

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By single - 8/8/2015 06:23 - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 16:00

Early bird special

Today, despite the fact they know I'm commuting hundreds of kilometres, I was requested to come to work at the earliest possible hour, every day. I'll be waking up at half past 3 a.m. and admire sunrises on my way. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2009 13:05 - United States

Today, I was installing the official 3.0 firmware update for my iPhone. Apple's authentication servers crashed. I now own an iBrick. FML

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By WoofWoof - 27/9/2020 14:01 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Comedian

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that getting on all fours and barking at my penis for fun in the center of a mall is extremely inappropriate. She thinks otherwise, and promises to do it again. FML

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By anon - 19/1/2015 05:35 - United States - Burleson

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

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Top comments

By Loboguy | 0

#153917 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:50

I'm a guy, so no comment about having stomach hair .. but we're all mammals aren't we?
F*** this sexist world for making girls everywhere think their beautiful natural bodies are unnatural.
Never ever met a girl I haven't found attractive in some way or other.

By olypicgold | 0

#714 - Sunday 8 February 2009 20:53

a little faint hair is kinda cute. as long as its not like a fucking forest

COMMENTS

By olypicgold | 0

#714 - Sunday 8 February 2009 20:53

a little faint hair is kinda cute. as long as its not like a fucking forest

Reply

LOL_UrLifeSucks | 0

#970843 - Tuesday 30 March 2010 3:37

2- lol agreed

By Curcolio_fml | 0

#4120 - Friday 20 February 2009 0:33

3 pages, and it's the 12th FML that is directly translated from VDM (the french website FML is derivated from...).

FTL

By JNY007 | 0

#7637 - Thursday 26 February 2009 7:28

@6- I have both.

By asunnyday | 0

#14431 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 16:52

you and me both. except i just pluck em.

Reply

greekgal44 | 14

#3082695 - Thursday 11 August 2011 4:04

i shave 'em

Reply

farrito102993 | 9

#6428727 - Wednesday 7 October 2015 6:33

I pluck mine, too! Everyone around here thinks I'm crazy and that it hurts- it doesn't at all!

By flyfallfadeaway | 0

#31954 - Saturday 14 March 2009 23:46

its normal.

especially if youre not completely done with puberty.

By dumbdumb | 0

#53554 - Monday 23 March 2009 23:39

i hear ya. I wax.

By mustache321 | 0

#131730 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 3:45

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By mustache321 | 0

#131735 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 3:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Apocalyptus | 0

#136371 - Thursday 23 April 2009 16:21

That's pretty normal, for a human being...

By Loboguy | 0

#153917 - Wednesday 29 April 2009 16:50

I'm a guy, so no comment about having stomach hair .. but we're all mammals aren't we?
F*** this sexist world for making girls everywhere think their beautiful natural bodies are unnatural.
Never ever met a girl I haven't found attractive in some way or other.

Reply

RedCarpetGrave | 0

#314882 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 18:40

That's a good way to be. I salute you, sir.

Reply

Madame_Javert | 4

#985068 - Monday 26 April 2010 8:02

That's really a great way to be, like #19 said. You have just restored my faith in the male gender, #14. :)

Reply

blo0_starZz | 0

#1063662 - Monday 5 July 2010 2:13

aaw <3
i think my faith in men was rrborm o.e

Reply

NewSlang | 0

#1183447 - Tuesday 3 August 2010 20:33

I agree with all the repliers to your comment, sir. Thank you for respecting that. :-)

Reply

YummiGummi | 0

#1973851 - Sunday 16 January 2011 17:51

awww :)

Reply

armydaughtr | 0

#2443582 - Monday 2 May 2011 6:24

wow that is amazing, Thanx for letting me know not all men are jerks<3

Reply

CherryBombb | 0

#2733840 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 1:59

Oh my gosh, I wish every guy thought the way you do. (:

Reply

realportlandian | 2

#4534583 - Thursday 7 June 2012 8:00

I

Reply

skiper6 | 2

#4685505 - Saturday 14 July 2012 7:30

As a guy, I totally agree. No one is perfect. All of this is normal, even when things can seem crazy. Just remember that life can go on.