Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy,... - FML

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 08:07 - United States

Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML

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This ain't working out

Time for the ER

Not a cheating!

By WhyM3¿?¿ - 31/3/2019 04:00

Today and so far not a good year. I'm still taking care of my mom who is sick from cancer and I seem to be the only one to help her (I'm the youngest btw). I pay the bills, clean, cook, work, bathe and feed my mother I'm exhausted I'm only 18... But it's not that my sis called me SELFISH Today...FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2010 14:22 - United States

Today, I took my best friend to an 80's party. She drank too much and ended up puking all over the interior and exterior of my car as well as inside my right legwarmer on the 30 mile trip back home. FML

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By Totallyscrewed - 10/2/2013 05:17 - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

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By natalyV - 4/9/2015 15:58

Today, my boyfriend has been sulking like a moody kid all day, all because I won't set my phone background to a picture of his dick. FML

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By icyrebel25 - 12/11/2013 23:57 - United States - Mckinney

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

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By lexithepirate - 27/7/2012 09:24 - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

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By shit - 31/1/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I found my drunken roommate asleep in my bed, naked, after he'd peed himself. FML

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By smallmediumatlrg - 25/6/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I went to a yard sale and found a cute plush duck. I sent a pic of it to my friend with the message "Jackpot!" I guess she didn't see the pic because she called me up all excited, thinking my boyfriend of 6 years finally proposed to me. "No, I said, I just found a big duck for $1." FML

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By Whoopsie - 30/6/2014 19:51 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up loudly screaming from a "night" terror. I say "night"; I was actually at my desk at work, in the middle of the day, surrounded by dozens of co-workers in their cubicles. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2013 05:33 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

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By Peaches - 22/2/2017 12:00 - United States - Tucker

Today, I was informed that I was let go from my job for not showing up for a week. A week I'd scheduled off, that management had approved. FML

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By kindgartin - 23/4/2011 09:26 - Canada

Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML

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By Ned - 29/8/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

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By nicetomeetyou2 - 25/9/2013 16:35 - Canada - Nepean

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

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By Al - 13/6/2016 15:37 - Australia - Turramurra

Today, I walked into pawn shop and found a nice laptop which I inspected after I thought I lost mine months ago. Turns out my ex pawned it after having it at her place all this time. FML

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By VidyaGameCollector - 3/5/2019 20:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, because money is a little tight, I decided to sell one of my retro video game consoles. The family member that initially gave me it to me saw the ad on Facebook and demanded I give it back to them. FML

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By noooooo - 22/1/2010 07:32 - Canada

Today, I ran 5 miles to catch the bus I take to university after missing my connection. When I got to the bus stop, I realized I had left my U-Pass on my desk at home. On top of the assignment that was due. FML

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By kprince - 8/5/2013 14:00 - United States - Northridge

Today, I was singing horribly in the shower. Without me knowing, my sister recorded my singing and set it as my ringtone. My phone rang in class and everyone heard it. My new nickname is American Idol. FML

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By Joey - 30/1/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

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By Laptop - 25/5/2010 04:44 - France

Today, my little sister tripped when trying to walk up the stairs with a sandwich in one hand and my laptop in the other. She choose to save her sandwich instead of my £500 laptop. FML

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By peepeepainter - 7/1/2014 02:25 - United States - Jasper

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

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By kitchencrime - 28/8/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML

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By Porkchop05 - 6/9/2009 05:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML

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By nickyboy - 2/12/2010 17:02 - Australia

Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML

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By stillhurting - 5/1/2014 21:45 - Canada - Langley

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

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By T1A2Z3 - 13/11/2018 03:00

Today, right before sex, with his dick out and the condom in one hand, the guy I was with answered a phone call from his mum. FML

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By AnDroidZ_BabY - 11/9/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

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By Hth - 28/10/2008 00:13 - United States

Today, I farted A LOT during my exam, all silent so I figured I should be OK. Then I looked around and everybody was suffocating and giving me sly looks. I am now known to everyone in the department as SuperFart. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/8/2015 17:34

Today, I passed my driver's test. My instructor took the learner signs off his car and let me drive back to my place. I guess he didn't bet on me crashing the car just a few blocks from the test center. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/11/2013 23:27 - United States - Hopkinsville

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

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By Cyberdeeder - 13/10/2008 08:19

Today, at the cinema, I sat next to a guy who couldn’t stand a minute without laughing or making comments about the film. FML

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By nottananny - 21/7/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

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By militarywife2b - 14/12/2009 20:23 - France

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch". I had to wash his plate. FML

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By blackedout - 6/10/2009 05:25 - Singapore

Today, I fainted on the sidewalk. When I woke up, I was still lying on the sidewalk, people were stepping over me and my purse was gone. FML

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By fml - 20/5/2010 21:32 - Canada

Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML

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By - 10/1/2020 18:00

Volcanic eruption

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2020 05:05

Almost there

Today, I paid 100$ for a trash service to pick up my broken couch. Minutes later, I got an email from someone finally replying to my ad for a free couch. FML

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By melonhead - 14/1/2010 08:46 - Australia

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2012 16:56 - Canada - Orleans

Today, wanting to be on time for my first job interview, I woke up at the crack of dawn and walked almost an hour through a thunderstorm. When I arrived, I was told that the manager wasn't in today, because of the bad weather. FML

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Top comments

By skull4k9 | 0

#1764258 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:28

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!!!!!

By ysomad | 0

#1764261 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:28

it's okay to feel sad sometimes! (mr. Rogers)

COMMENTS

By rafiki19 | 1

#1764253 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:27

ahahaha failure !

Reply

cassiesaurus | 0

#1764382 - Sunday 28 November 2010 17:12

Haha, try to pay attention and not space out so often. But, serioulsy fyl. Lmao.

Reply

fakeaccountX | 6

#1765578 - Sunday 28 November 2010 21:21

A sneeze-fart? And I thought it was only a myth...

Reply

ersa1802 | 0

#1766183 - Monday 29 November 2010 1:56

failure? i'd like to see you try and do a sneeze-fart. :P

Reply

firegecko123 | 0

#1766249 - Monday 29 November 2010 2:14

lol wow. xD

Reply

TJ10 | 0

#2238391 - Friday 25 March 2011 6:49

I thought sneeze-farting was a myth, just like shit-burping n piss-coughing

By skull4k9 | 0

#1764258 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:28

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!!!!!!

Reply

Xythenol | 6

#1764530 - Sunday 28 November 2010 18:14

Omg I love you XD

Reply

goddessallison | 0

#1765484 - Sunday 28 November 2010 20:20

WIN

Reply

customparachute | 0

#1894755 - Monday 27 December 2011 6:08

37's picture reminds me of my brother in iraq, that looks like something we would do in the walmart parking lot... (completely irrevent to the fml)

By ysomad | 0

#1764261 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:28

it's okay to feel sad sometimes! (mr. Rogers)

Reply

cassiesaurus | 0

#1764390 - Sunday 28 November 2010 17:15

Omg, I love Mr. Rogers! Won't you be my neighbor, :D

By underpaid011 | 0

#1764263 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:29

that's talent! Now practice the burp fart and you are the master.

By FYLDeep | 25

#1764265 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:29

Quit taking drugs, ya hippie! Maybe you wouldn't space out so much.

Reply

skyttlz | 32

#1764671 - Sunday 28 November 2010 19:12

I've never done drugs and I space off all the time. I space off from being tired or bored or having a lot on my mind.

Reply

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1766318 - Monday 29 November 2010 2:36

I space out during math everyday, and I'm 75% sure I'm not doing any drugs.

By XxToroxX | 0

#1764268 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:30

ahaha, sucks to be you :P fyl

Reply

foreveryoung97_fml | 2

#1767617 - Monday 29 November 2010 12:13

yurh such a mean bitch !!!!!! I hope yurh life gets fucked up bitch !!!!!

Reply

YourAllTowels | 0

#1776964 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 4:20

shes no bitch! thats a pretty nice lady your talkin to! >:3

By camjgog_88 | 0

#1764270 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:30

first!

wow... that does feel pretty gLord-ish lol. never doin that again hahahaha. and YDI cause if you often space out & sneeze/fart, you shouldn't be eating in public. I suggest take out or delivery. :))

Reply

rafiki19 | 1

#1764285 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:32

how are you first ? there's like seven comments above you.

Reply

DocBastard | 38

#1764298 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:35

Was the "like" really necessary? Because there are exactly 7 comments above it.

Reply

bubbarific | 0

#1764847 - Sunday 28 November 2010 20:06

hahahaha FAIL omg wow u fail so epically right ther!!!!!

Reply

Wizardroxx | 3

#1765558 - Sunday 28 November 2010 21:08

HAHAHAHA, you fail with your spelling!

Reply

Kaiden2554 | 0

#1766872 - Monday 29 November 2010 8:20

Good news everyone! We have a new employee of the fail department.

(Did u read this in Professor Farnsworth's voice?)

*Stamped* "Grammar Nazi Proof."

Reply

rafiki19 | 1

#1776595 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 2:37

well I just guessed, I only counted afterwards.

By BizzaroG | 0

#1764295 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:35

the last sentence seemed random. I didn't see any indication he was with anyone. who spaces out like that on a date?

Reply

underpaid011 | 0

#1764313 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:38

hippies. bong water drinking, no bath taking, drum circle participating hippies.

Reply

c8750 | 2

#1764402 - Sunday 28 November 2010 17:18

You must have never smoked if you're talking about drinking the bong water. Ewww gross

Reply

catatonicsleep | 17

#1764450 - Sunday 28 November 2010 17:37

His crush could have been with someone else in the restaurant...

Reply

nerdsgetmehot | 22

#1764495 - Sunday 28 November 2010 18:01

#10 It never specified that she was on a date with him.

Reply

RaquelRox2299 | 0

#3357832 - Wednesday 28 September 2011 2:20

It wasn't a date idiot

By VirgoDreamer | 0

#1764304 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:37

Hahaha that's really funny! But why can't people just mind their own business! lol

Reply

azhein | 0

#1766188 - Monday 29 November 2010 1:58

you wouldn't look if you heard it?

By SweetDreamsx3_fml | 0

#1764310 - Sunday 28 November 2010 16:38

lmfao just look around as if your trying to find who did it also ^_^

Reply

jakeisawake | 3

#1764611 - Sunday 28 November 2010 18:51

It would be pretty obvious to notice someone sneezing. He wouldn't be able to get away with that...