Miscellaneous: Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was invited to a birthday dinner at a restaurant. As I was leaving, I get a text from the birthday girl's boyfriend saying that it was cancelled. Hungry, I decided to go to that particular restaurant anyway. Turns out the party wasn't cancelled. Half the party just didn't want me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 487

You deserved it 4 257

Walk on the wild side

Dysfunctional

Can't do the time? Don't do the crime!

By wtfbabe - 22/06/2018 05:00

Today, my husband's dick went in the wrong hole. And by the wrong hole, I mean another man’s anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 607

You deserved it 538

By "ZeroG57" - 04/05/2017 14:00

Today my friend invited me to an afro-indigenous event. Eager to learn more about my roots, I tagged along. The bean bag toss and warrior dance was fun, until the Q&A came and it was clear that the focus wasn't the African diaspora but "consistent ritualized self-improvement". Yup, it's a cult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 118

You deserved it 465

By goddamnit - 14/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I got a letter saying I was no longer a student at my college and my current work is void since I had ignored and refused to pay my tuition bill. Over the past month I've been deleting these pesky emails saying 'FINAL WARNING regarding payment' thinking it was more spam. They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 226

You deserved it 140 035

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 22:41 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I caught a coworker at my new job staring at my chest. Trying not to rock the boat, I took him aside and asked him to stop. He insisted he was just trying to read my shirt. Our company uniforms don't have writing on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 229

You deserved it 3 009

By FourKnees - 15/05/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I accepted an internship in Chicago and finished my final exams. I decided to play some pick up basketball one last time before summer. Within 2 minutes I got undercut going for a rebound and shattered my knee cap into 3 pieces. My summer in Chicago will be spent in a full leg cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 304

You deserved it 4 210

By manymisfortunes - 04/10/2014 05:43 - Canada - Lachine

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 940

You deserved it 12 381

By breathexali - 24/07/2010 10:50 - United States

Today, I had to get bloodwork done. I'm deathly afraid of needles. The whole lobby heard me scream as soon as the nurse said 'hello'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 035

You deserved it 29 093

Scribble your name across my heart…

By Jennie - 16/06/2020 08:08

Today, I sent a guy in my English class a rose. He's kind of an outcast, so I though it would be a nice gesture. I asked him later how his day was going and he said, "Good. I got a rose this morning, but I could tell it was from a guy. The handwriting was awful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 311

Stop the steal

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 16:01

Today, my son admitted to maxing out my credit card, gambling on a some scam website that a dumbass streamer was promoting. He's only 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 333

By Gurior - 04/09/2011 07:01 - Canada

Spicy

Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 871

You deserved it 48 601

By Jake Whitte - 06/06/2011 13:50 - United States

Today, I changed the date of my birthday to today on Facebook to see how many people actually know my birthday. My mom wished me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 604

You deserved it 15 717

By laststand11 - 26/12/2011 01:35 - Reserved

Today, I received a very expensive bottle of wine for Christmas. My alcoholic mother snuck into my house while I was out and drank the whole bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 709

You deserved it 2 644

By hypocrite - 03/07/2012 16:43 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, my new boss gave everyone a lecture about sexual harassment in the workplace. Which would be fine if he'd been able to tear his gaze off my chest for more than a minute at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 694

You deserved it 3 849

By thankful - 27/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 170

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 10:22 - Australia

Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway". Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 636

You deserved it 2 123

By Anonymous - 30/06/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, my parents found my stash of alcohol. They drank it all within a single evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 682

You deserved it 34 712

By thefoolwhorippedhispants - 20/04/2018 01:30

Today, I came home from work to realize I had a massive rip in my shorts from my crotch to my crack. I have to lean over constantly in front of dozens of people at my job. Not one person said anything, but now I know why they were chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 239

You deserved it 406

By Anonymous - 06/08/2015 19:37 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after ranting to my best friend about how all our friends are having kids and how teenage pregnancy will ruin their lives, she announced to me that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 601

You deserved it 7 304

By catherineratley - 06/05/2012 04:09 - United States - Carmi

Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 367

You deserved it 2 973

By Anonymous - 20/05/2012 10:21 - Sweden - Norsborg

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 253

You deserved it 2 306

By alejita - 02/03/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 050

You deserved it 9 809

Mystery

By DaigCrainielson - 12/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Sun Valley

Today, I found out I had 3/4s of a Cheezit stuck in my sinus. No one knows how it got there, but the doctors found it while testing for COVID. I have an appointment soon to remove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 203

By misc - 08/02/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 467

You deserved it 51 143

By Danny - 11/11/2012 05:05 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 338

You deserved it 3 271

By mikeissad - 11/08/2012 19:37 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 215

You deserved it 2 459

By allergyface - 16/12/2009 03:34 - Canada

Today, I was talking to my parents, when all of a sudden my dad starts freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is, he was dead serious the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 515

You deserved it 2 454

Sleep punching is a thing

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 02:00

Today, I woke up to a punch in the face. My girlfriend said it was because she dreamed that I'd bought all her friends Taco Bell but didn't bring her anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 87

By SkeetinKeaton - 05/06/2013 15:24 - United States

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 957

You deserved it 14 479

Keep your nose out of my life

By maggie - 24/05/2021 04:00

Today, while buying laxatives and really hoping the cashier wouldn’t make some snarky comment, the cashier said, "You know, that’s not a good way to lose weight." I had to explain to him that I’m actually constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 61

By grann - 15/03/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, while walking to my car through the snow, I noticed the sunroof was open and 2 feet of snow had poured in. Angry, I opened the door to start cleaning. That's when I noticed all the wildlife that had taken refuge inside from the cold. Not only were my seat cushions wet, they were torn open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 849

You deserved it 26 239

Friendzone 2.0

By NeverNumberOne - 23/04/2018 01:30

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my best friend to go on a date with me. She assumed I meant a double date and squealed, "Who's the lucky guy?!" She thought I was her gay best friend for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 763

You deserved it 701

Yes or No?

By Anonymous - 06/02/2020 18:00

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, but the ring turned out to be quite tight on her finger. She then chewed me out, saying that I can't do anything right, then changed her answer to no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 801

You deserved it 293

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 00:01

Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being stuck on the toilet at 2 a.m. and hearing your dog sneak into your room and eat your dinner, all while being completely powerless to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 393

By jennybrev - 13/07/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I awoke to find a water pipe burst. I frantically ran down to the basement to turn off the water to the house. What I didn't expect when I reached the bottom of the stairs was to have to start dodging the falling, wet ceiling tiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 626

You deserved it 2 843

By iJuli - 08/04/2012 05:17 - United States - Billings

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be a good idea to break up with me in his car. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 310

You deserved it 2 662

By Anonymous - 12/03/2014 06:39 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 822

You deserved it 3 416

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 600

You deserved it 62 169

And I Oop

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 23:01

Today, my mom was screaming and throwing things at me and I didn’t know why. Then I checked the date. Her birthday was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 353

You deserved it 1 188

By x_o - 04/08/2013 20:51 - Hungary - ?ttev?ny

Today, it was my first day at my new job. I had to break up two fistfights, then leave work early with a black eye. This is not what I had in mind when I applied to work at a retirement home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 174

You deserved it 3 845

By IsThisRealLife - 01/02/2016 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 845

You deserved it 5 769

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:10

But if you were invited, the birthday girl wanted you there, didn't she?

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:17

more like the boyfriend did not want you there

Comments

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:10

FYL HAHA First anyway :-j

Reyo 2

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Monday 12 October 2009 0:42

And you didn't kick his ass, right there in front of his girlfriend?

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Monday 12 October 2009 0:56

FAKE. you just though oh i'm all dressed up i'll go eat in ths restaurant... ALONE. and if its not fake YDI for going to go and eat alone in a restaurant

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Monday 12 October 2009 2:04

Plenty of people go eat alone at restaurants

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Monday 12 October 2009 3:31

Yes, plenty of people, like the loser OP whom no one wants to eat dinner with. YDI

Meowxkittyxkitty 0

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 5:50

don't be retarded, people do like having alone time sometimes...it's actually normal. people come and eat out at the restaurant I work at all the time.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:10

But if you were invited, the birthday girl wanted you there, didn't she?

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Sunday 11 October 2009 18:05

Yeah but the boyfriend and half the party over-ruled her. Or he did it without her knowing

AFloppyWetWhale 6

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Friday 10 August 2012 1:58

What I want to know is did she still eat there or what happened after?

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:17

more like the boyfriend did not want you there

moonlight_daze 8

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Sunday 11 October 2009 15:05

I was wondering about that too.. How does the OP know it "half the party" and not just the boyfriend? Did they straight up say to her "dammit, I wish you weren’t here"? And even if they did, it really should only matter who the birthday girl wants there anyway..

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:18

What did you do? And who cares, ask why they don't like you and change your behavior. It might be something you do that prevents people from liking you. If not then you're friend needs to rethink her treatment of you if her boyfriend can get away with treating you like that.

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Monday 8 March 2010 19:52

fuck that, OP shouldn't change their behavior. are you retarded? you should never change for anyone! if they don't like it, they can fuck off!

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Wednesday 7 May 2014 4:40

Changing for people is something you never do. If they don't like you, that is their problem.

PandaPandaPandaX 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:23

Wow how is it her boyfriends choice if you attend your friends birthday dinner? What a jerk. I agree with #4 though, there must be a reason this happened.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:24

u poor thing. :(

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:39

Wow, that sucks. Poor you :(

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:39

maybe the boyfriend doesn't want you there because his girlfriend is secretly a lesbian who wants to have great sex with you on the table in my living room... or maybe that's just me

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:51

Nathan, do you often get slapped in conversations? For asking this same thing? I was amused though.

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Thursday 30 September 2010 23:32

you were amused by that crap?

chiddy_bang71 0

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Saturday 9 July 2011 23:19

what can I say, lesbians are amusing.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 12:44

fucked up

gameoverman_fml 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 13:07

You were just leaving for the party whilst apparently everyone else had already conducted a poll as to whether you should be invited? Timeline fail.

CheshireHalli 19

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Sunday 11 October 2009 14:12

The poll probably happened earlier, and she got the text as she was leaving, and later found out.

DisposableHeroes 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 23:31

She means that she got the text while she was leaving her house.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 57

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 41