Miscellaneous: Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively,...

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 422

You deserved it 2 715

Miscellaneous

Dysfunctional

White knights

Procrastination

By "Levi2411" - 31/12/2018 04:00

Today, I'm babysitting. The kids have only been home at the same time together for 15 minutes. Two of them have punched each other and the other is running in circles screaming. What is wrong with this picture? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 206

You deserved it 306

Sounds like a catch

By Theresa - 26/10/2020 13:55

Today, my ex called and said he still loved me. I said I’d move across the country to be with him. Then he said we could live in his dad’s house, so I can protect him from his sister’s best friend, who gave him chlamydia. At the end of call, he said he’s seeing someone and he likes her because she buys him gifts and food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 354

By Username - 28/09/2010 16:16 - France

Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defense lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one is going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 307

You deserved it 4 833

Thanks for the help

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 14:00

Today, both my mom and I are very ill, while her boyfriend is perfectly fine. Somehow, this means that I’m the one having to take care of my mom, myself, the household and 6 pets, while he does nothing, goes on trips and leaves dirt all over the house when he’s here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 105

By The Lone Ranger - 05/10/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 103

You deserved it 2 824

By Anonymous - 31/01/2014 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 847

You deserved it 4 522

By foreverAlone - 04/04/2016 19:40 - United States - Chesapeake Beach

Today, I met a cute girl. She seemed really sweet and I was heartbroken to find out that she had fallen on hard times and was living in a shelter. I asked her if I could take her out to lunch. She said, "No." I can't even get a date with a homeless girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 334

You deserved it 5 195

By first time at McDonald's in months... - 27/03/2013 05:04 - United States

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 168

You deserved it 19 288

By Lucas79 - 08/10/2011 01:23 - Australia

Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 179

You deserved it 3 419

By dumbfounded - 08/05/2016 12:14 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to calm down an angry customer who claimed one of my employees had "traumatized" her dog. Apparently her dog is really OCD and my employee didn't line up the dog bed at the right angle. She threatened to report us to the BBB. How do these morons even exist? FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 204

You deserved it 1 347

By HomeAlone - 24/04/2016 04:45 - United States

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 851

You deserved it 21 192

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 23:20 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 16-year-old daughter burned all her baby photos because they were unflattering and made her "look fat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 372

You deserved it 4 413

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 840

You deserved it 2 940

By RektForLyfe - 25/07/2016 03:32 - United States - Wickliffe

Today, I was accepted to the college of my dreams. Then I checked the address. Turns out, the letter was meant for my neighbor. I was actually denied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 510

You deserved it 1 224

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 07:18 - United States

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 002

You deserved it 4 639

Gotta get that delivery dopamine rush

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 05:00

Today, I've been waiting two months for eight eBay purchases to make it through my country's fucked up customs fiasco. I'm reduced to vicariously sharing in my husband's delivery of a litre of industrial vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 13/07/2019 04:30

Today, it was the first day after my promotion. Everyone, including myself, was shocked that I was promoted so quickly. I figured it was because of all the hard work and overtime I'd put in. However, my coworkers figure I'm just sleeping with the boss, and constantly glare and snicker behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 861

You deserved it 161

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 22:25 - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 489

You deserved it 3 359

By Manstobe92 - 16/11/2009 07:32 - United States

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 610

You deserved it 40 092

No good deed goes unpunished

By Anonymous - 07/06/2020 23:00

Today, I went in for my first day of work. I told them three months in advance that I was going away for 2 weeks to build a school in a third world country. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 349

By Star_Wars_Lover - 26/04/2016 15:34 - United States - Dallas

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 711

You deserved it 1 635

Am I the asshole?

By Yanil - 20/06/2021 16:02

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 4 years ago. Turns out she hasn’t found love again since I broke it off with her for her best friend. She’s not the bubbly, cheery girl I met before. I can’t help but feel like an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 2 218

By shwasted - 22/02/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 479

You deserved it 3 763

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 12:25 - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 759

You deserved it 3 311

By karlajjjjj - 25/10/2013 12:19 - United Kingdom - Cold Ashby

Today, I was cycling home when I saw my sister, who lives a 4 hour drive away, walking past me on the path. I turned my head and called to her, causing me not to notice the pothole in front of me. My front wheel went in and I went over the handlebars. It wasn't even my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 287

You deserved it 11 682

By Anonymous - 18/03/2013 18:42 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I woke up with a giant red rash all over my face, so puffed up that I could hardly open my eyes. The doctor said it was probably from some of the compounds found in most makeup. I'm just getting into theatre and have auditions coming up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 122

You deserved it 3 991

By single - 24/12/2014 21:49 - United States - Hurricane

Today, my ex boyfriend got married to the girl he told me was his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 638

You deserved it 3 033

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 23:05 - United States

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 073

You deserved it 3 938

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 953

You deserved it 61 212

By dickbag - 25/11/2015 05:23 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my mom hates my grandmother (her mother-in-law) so much that she's trying to guilt me into not visiting her when I come home for Thanksgiving. I wouldn't be coming home for Thanksgiving in the first place, but my grandmother bought me the plane ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 380

You deserved it 1 423

By lexithepirate - 27/07/2012 09:24 - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 849

You deserved it 2 727

News to me

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 14:01

Today, I checked my mom's email to track a package I'm waiting to receive. Instead, I found out my mom canceled the order, and that my parents are getting a divorce and have been fighting via email for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 28/09/2014 16:42 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 103

You deserved it 36 781

By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 068

You deserved it 6 952

By whatafuckhead - 23/11/2015 01:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after my landlord commented on how rarely I drink milk, and I joked that I'm "probably going to die young" because of it. Then I immediately remembered that her 35-year-old husband died last year of a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 320

You deserved it 4 865

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 16:54 - United States

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 942

You deserved it 11 699

By Bozo - 31/08/2012 07:57 - United States - Saukville

Today, I got a perm in an attempt to prove to my family that I'd been doing well with my life since I last saw them almost a year ago. I ended up going over for dinner looking like Bozo the Clown thanks to my idiot stylist, and my brothers wouldn't stop mocking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 621

You deserved it 23 803

By failureatlife - 27/04/2014 19:16 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, after beating myself up for being useless and not being able to do anything right, I managed to choke almost to the point of blacking out, on a piece of lettuce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 306

You deserved it 6 163

Classic

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 17:01

Today, I went to the cinema. The lady at the reception gave me my ticket and wished me a good screening. My reply? "Thanks, you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 257

By IDon't - 13/10/2013 10:49 - Australia - Berkeley Vale

Today, my fiancée told me she can't marry me. Our wedding day is tomorrow and around 20 of our 180 guests attending have travelled half way around the world just for the occasion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 473

You deserved it 3 710

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Lolzords 11

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:20

You should have groped her appropriately.

DEXter501 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:20

How inconsiderate of her.

DEXter501 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:20

How inconsiderate of her.

Daileyyy 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 20:32

First! jk I'm like 32nd.

Marvin_Android 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 20:45

Sounds frustrating. Expecting to get anything other than contempt out of helping others is even more pointless than the rest of life. I've saved my traveling companions' lives several times, and they forget about it each time within moments. I don't know why I bother. Life. Don't talk to me about life.

DrAwesome 6

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 21:11

Hey, being able to sweep women off of their feet ain't all it's cracked up to be anymore...

brightnite 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 21:12

Drop her, if she already got up trip her.

flamegrilled123 3

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 21:45

push her bitch ass back on the floor then t-bag her

BDTM 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 23:04

win ^

mamamiaaa_fml 12

Send a private message

Saturday 4 December 2010 8:53

you say "oh my no. here let me grope you appropriately."

alakomonus 0

Send a private message

Saturday 4 December 2010 9:28

KurtCobainsZombi 0

Send a private message

Saturday 4 December 2010 17:52

well what else is a manic depressive robot to do Marvin?

satanclauz 0

Send a private message

Sunday 5 December 2010 5:08

yes, totally would have been my reaction. "wtf? really? OOPS!" crack goes her head on the ice... "my bad"

Riverweasel 1

Send a private message

Monday 6 December 2010 20:46

That is where I simply allow her to finish her fall with a little help to negate the help I gave her to stop her fall. Inconsiderate people should get what is coming and in that case, what was coming was a date with the ground.

Gamessence 19

Tuesday 17 April 2018 2:07

Women only act this way if a guys ugly. eck double standards.

Lolzords 11

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:20

You should have groped her appropriately.

KelceyLoves 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:26

Good point.

xo_mrii_xo 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 20:37

yeah really

sexiilittlething 6

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 22:53

sometimes when yu r reactin fast u dont look where u jst wanna make sure person dsnt fall

jckbco 0

Send a private message

Saturday 4 December 2010 16:00

agree

philtheawesome 0

Send a private message

Thursday 7 July 2011 0:40

if a random woman falls.... were do you even grab her to catch her???

DocBastard 38

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:20

I would think your weird Uncle Rick would have taught you inappropriate groping. What, I'm the only one with a weird Uncle Rick?

Emmy_m92 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:28

I have a weird uncle that's a dick. Strange Eh =

mfmylifesrsly 29

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:53

I have a Uncle Rik...he's dead though :( RIP

MrDanimal 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 20:27

I have a weird dick.. oh wait...

autumnnn14 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 20:59

I have a weird uncle dick.,

KingDingALing 9

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 21:03

My dick's name is Uncle Rick.

Emmy_m92 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 21:23

Is it a quick dick named Rick?

ifyouseekamy666 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 21:51

my brain hurts...

KiddNYC1O 20

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 22:10

A thick tick on uncle Rick's dick

omfgrofl1337 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 22:23

I've got my dick on Uncle Rick... Oh wait..

wwerulez14 6

Send a private message

Saturday 4 December 2010 4:44

C-c-c-combo breaker! Just wanted to be that guy, please carry on.

Infosys 0

Send a private message

Sunday 5 December 2010 6:47

Doc, Yttrium Deuterium Iridium would be a chemical anomaly. Those are all cations.

Cinn_fml 22

Send a private message

Sunday 5 December 2010 13:01

That's part of the joke, I think. Also, it wouldn't stand for Iridium anyway, I is Iodine in the periodic table. :P

Ugi 26

Send a private message

Thursday 17 January 2013 14:02

I have a weird ankle due to rickets - does that count?

RileyL29 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:23

people are so rude.

luvzit 0

Send a private message

Saturday 4 December 2010 8:01

so are u

mjcdsjf 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 7 December 2010 6:29

It amazes me how people can act. The only reason some people live is because it is illegal to kill them

paprikacha 9

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:23

And then you dropped that bitch right back on the ice. Right?

Tanner2969 1

Send a private message

Saturday 4 December 2010 8:15

he better have lol

PimpcessA 0

Send a private message

Saturday 31 March 2012 5:18

Hell yes

popprock 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 June 2014 7:17

I laughed really hard at that xD I certainly would have. I mean I don't plan on catching falling women any time soon though...

thisgirl2u 9

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:25

You could have confessed that yes indeed, your mother had taught you to "inappropriately grope women" as you catch them and prevent them from falling. Because your mother is just good people like that.

MarineWifey88 3

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:41

Lol!

kinderteach 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 21:37

hahaha!! I love that!

Miolene 6

Send a private message

Friday 3 December 2010 19:26

What a bitch. I hope she slips again and that no one is around to catch her, groping or otherwise, and that she sprains her ankle or something else thats painfull but not life threatening. I would have had to reply, "and did yours teach you that filthy language?"