By DogStew

Scooby snacks?

Today, I had to watch my niece’s puppy. The darn dog kept finding turds in the yard and eating them. One turd had worms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1284

You deserved it

228

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Rock, hard place

On the ball

The ole answer/forward conundrum

By tgd4444 - Malaysia

Today, I was arrested. The policeman threw me to the ground because I wouldn't answer his questions. This was after he told me I had the "right to remain silent". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42303

You deserved it

8453

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By Rodrigeuz26 - United States

Today, I was sitting in IHOP with my girlfriend of six months when she brought in her son of three years she had neglected to tell me about, and asked 'Does this change things?' FML

I agree, your life sucks

37166

You deserved it

4464

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By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, my boss refused my resignation and acted like nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13028

You deserved it

1157

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By worst day of my life

Today, my friends kidnapped me as a surprise birthday prank, and threw me into my own car's trunk. As they drove the car to PF Chang's, I'm freaking out, blindfolded and hogtied. My car was low on gas, and they ran out on the highway. They left me in the car on I-275 for 9 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2709

You deserved it

179

Favorite

By fml9124

Today, it's our 32nd wedding anniversary. Two weeks ago I caught a cold on an airplane. Since I got back, she hasn't kissed or let me touch her. I'm still coughing. She says maybe it's not a cold, maybe it's TB. She's left to stay in a hotel until I get better or die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1684

You deserved it

153

Favorite

By Slipperywhenwet - United States

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20570

You deserved it

48037

Favorite

By Anonymous - Romania

Today, in my journalism class, after trying hard to find some actual news to comment, we ended up talking about gay porn and fashion designers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12403

You deserved it

20995

Favorite

By DSM - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20770

You deserved it

117234

Favorite

By SunBed - 11/5/2020 17:00

Soaked

Today, I came home to my bed and most of my room soaking wet. This morning, my mom thought it would be "smart" to warm up my room by opening the skylight above my bed. There were heavy showers all day today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1640

You deserved it

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By evilparents - United States

Today, I realized that my parents never ground me as a punishment because I don't get out enough for it to matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28922

You deserved it

5960

Favorite

By wtf - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34262

You deserved it

2398

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Poplar Hill

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48182

You deserved it

15769

Favorite

By cantstopfeelingit

Gross!

Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4156

You deserved it

2425

Favorite

By WearingOff - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50628

You deserved it

26985

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28765

You deserved it

2848

Favorite

By Wouldntitbeniceif - United States

Today, I went for a hike with the local search and rescue volunteer group that I recently joined. I got lost and spent 5 hours wandering aimlessly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40760

You deserved it

15010

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By rian - 3/4/2021 21:30

Redesign

Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

931

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10418

You deserved it

836

Favorite

By Katie - Reserved

Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31988

You deserved it

3096

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Roller coaster ride

Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML

I agree, your life sucks

932

You deserved it

1621

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39398

You deserved it

6541

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pomona

Today, I held the door open for someone and he said, "Thank you!" I said, "Thank you!" back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1205

You deserved it

432

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37635

You deserved it

5194

Favorite

By Sunshine56 - United States - Greenbrier

Today, I sold cigarettes to a woman who promptly told me that she smoked meth. It's only my second night working this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9423

You deserved it

764

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43856

You deserved it

3953

Favorite

By notanerd - United States

Today, I have to spend over an hour at a Gamestop so my boyfriend can get his 'Final Fantasy' game at midnight. I'm tired, I don't want to stand around any more, and all the people around around me are debating super heroes. I'm living in an episode of 'The Big Bang Theory.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

14566

You deserved it

38175

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I went to lunch with my sister. As the waitress was bringing our food, she dropped it on the floor. She apologized and brought us new food. After we finished eating and I looked at the bill, I noticed she'd charged us twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37188

You deserved it

3364

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 17:02 - Canada - Waterloo

The more the merrier

Today, I apparently I created a group chat with the four guys I saw any potential with, ruining every single one of the possible future relationships all at once because they now know about each other. I give up on dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

168

You deserved it

1600

Favorite

By Jeff G. - United States

Today, I had to send a picture of my Grandma at her funeral to my girlfriend, because she thought I was out cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39490

You deserved it

5856

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I was so proud of a clever analogy I'd written to a friend in a text, that I “dropped the mic” afterward. I realized what I'd done a split second before the phone hit the ground and shattered into a million pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1243

You deserved it

5375

Favorite

By blabbermouth - South Africa - Port Elizabeth

Today, my boyfriend and I made love for the first time. Before we left his house so he could walk me home, I fixed my hair by the hall mirror and joked about having serious sex hair. My boyfriend quickly reminded me that his incredibly religious mother was in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13013

You deserved it

37134

Favorite

By stdfree_hopefully

Today, I drove 2 hours to spend the night with a man who I have been seeing for a few weeks. We had sex for the first time. About an hour later, he told me he wasn't really into me and asked to be friends. Then, he apologised because he has herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8609

You deserved it

2089

Favorite

By meeeee! - United States - Wilmington

Today, I fell out of a window while trying to close it so no one would fall out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33435

You deserved it

4711

Favorite

By thanks, dad... - Romania - Baia Mare

Today, I was playing with my phone after midnight, and I kept getting calls from a withheld number. The guy just breathed heavily and wouldn't speak. When the third call came, I asked "who the hell are you?" The call ended, and my dad yelled from outside my door: "ME! Now go to sleep!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43032

You deserved it

14417

Favorite

By curtain buyer - United States - Albany

Today, I moved into my new apartment. As I sat in my living room watching Netflix, I found out that my window has an excellent view of my new neighbors, who just so happen to like to shag with the blinds open. I guess I'll be buying some curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31875

You deserved it

3660

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47464

You deserved it

2831

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62559

You deserved it

9260

Favorite

By ohjoy - United States

Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11023

You deserved it

34452

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26019

You deserved it

2694

Favorite

By natty - United States

Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46239

You deserved it

203019

Favorite

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Top comments

By Madison Gliosci | 16

#7842980 - Thursday 12 September 2019 21:02

I only vote YDI because after the first turd eating incident you should have cleaned the other turds from your yard before letting the dog out again

By RichardPencil | 30

#7842947 - Thursday 12 September 2019 18:19

Got news for you chief -- lots of the turds had worms in them and so does the puppy.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7842947 - Thursday 12 September 2019 18:19

Got news for you chief -- lots of the turds had worms in them and so does the puppy.

By Madison Gliosci | 16

#7842980 - Thursday 12 September 2019 21:02

I only vote YDI because after the first turd eating incident you should have cleaned the other turds from your yard before letting the dog out again

DogStew | 20

#7843057 - Friday 13 September 2019 6:34

All the turds were from wild animals and community cats. I don’t have the ability to crawl around on all fours and sniff out all the rogue turds.

Seeya55 | 31

#7843430 - Saturday 14 September 2019 12:48

Man it's too bad leashes don't exist! Darn!

DogStew | 20

#7843468 - Saturday 14 September 2019 16:16

I’m not going to leash a puppy all day long. That’s cruel!