Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for... - FML

By buckid310 - 3/11/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for any young men to send pictures of their junk to her cell phone. Over 60 messages were sent, mostly by underage boys, most of them including the picture. Only problem. The number posted wasn't hers... It was mine. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

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Race against the clock

Ungrateful

Bad news

By Anonymous - 25/8/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, life gave me lemons, delivering them straight to my nuts via my neighbor's tennis ball shooter. FML

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By Iris - 12/10/2016 13:53 - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today I bought a 50$ voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

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By Hungry - 3/9/2019 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Cheat day

Today, I conveniently "forgot" to write down a bunch of stuff, including a huge kebab, in my Weight Watchers food journal. FML

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By Me - 10/9/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2010 11:14 - Netherlands

Today, I was jogging, and I saw a little boy walking. Crying and all alone. Thinking that he was probably lost, I asked to him with my sweetest voice: 'Hi there, did you lose somebody?' He screamed terrified and ran away. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

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By wookieewhosshe - 26/6/2019 14:03

Today, I woke up on the floor with my feet still in the bed. I had passed out while vomiting into a bucket, since I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time. The bucket had spilled all over my bed. FML

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By apparentlyugly - 26/4/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML

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By aXel - 13/10/2008 08:29

Today, my dog was watching me and started to have a hard-on, for half an hour. FML

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By Posty - 18/5/2009 18:38 - United Kingdom

Today, on the way to work, I pulled over at a postbox to post a letter. I walked up to the box with the letter in one hand, car key in the other. Guess which one I posted. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2016 17:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend still won't get a job, because he's convinced he's going to make millions inventing and selling carbonated ketchup. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2012 20:27 - United States

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2011 09:44 - New Zealand

Today, I walked ten miles to pick up my car from the towing station. Turns out there was enough change for the parking meter in the glovebox after all. FML

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By McChunky =( - 9/3/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML

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By GabsAlot829 - 21/7/2009 22:17 - United States

Today, I babysat the most annoying and obnoxious kids for almost eight hours, when the parents assured me that they would only be gone about three or so hours. After constant calling and worrying, they finally showed up at 11:30, completely drunk. The mother paid me with three dollars and a banana. FML

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By hamburglar - 11/8/2016 18:46 - United States - Irving

Today, I ordered two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's and asked for one of them without pickles so they would think I was ordering for two people. Both burgers were for me. FML

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By igotsbadluck - 17/7/2013 21:44 - United States - Smyrna

Today, while walking into a hotel room, I passed by a full-sized mirror. My reflection scared me so badly that I punched the mirror, which then shattered and resulted in several cuts to my hand. FML

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By Addison - 25/6/2012 00:28 - Canada - Kingston

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

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By RhiannonMuh - 9/9/2016 20:01 - Germany - Starnberg

Today, I was on a date with a guy I really like. Everything went well, and then he wanted to kiss me. As he leaned towards me, I got slightly panicky and ducked out of the way, causing him to headbutt the car behind me. Now we know why I'm still a virgin. FML

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By Carolyn Dee Humphrey - 7/6/2018 01:30

Today, I found out my friend and I have the same due date and the same baby daddy. It's my boyfriend of 9 years. FML

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By coius - 6/5/2020 08:00

Rock, hard place

Today, after years of high blood pressure and 3 meds for it, a doctor informed me my blood pressure is going too low, and I'm passing out. I've been told to stop the meds. This followed an increase in my meds because it's killing my kidneys. So my choices are kidney failure, or passing out. FML

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By aliqi - 12/5/2012 20:48 - United States

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/2/2011 14:30 - United States

Today, I was eating breakfast at an IHOP. As I was eating, the old man sitting directly behind me started discussing every aspect of his spastic colon, in vivid detail. FML

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By juliasaman - 3/10/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I went to the doctors and was told I would need an inhaler. My mom came back from the pharmacy and told me the copay of $35 dollars was way too expensive, so she is making me use my cat's old inhaler. My mom values my cat's ability to breathe more then my own. FML

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By handymandy - 19/1/2012 11:44 - United States

Today, we received our honeymoon itinerary. Our travel agent booked our flight to Punta Cana correctly. Too bad she booked us a hotel in Orlando, Florida. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2010 11:28 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy that I have been crushing on for 2 years. At the end of the date he tells me that he is moving away and as his going away present, I could pay for dinner. FML

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By dumb - 3/8/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML

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By PissOffPottermore - 13/9/2012 14:31 - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML

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By Thanksalot - 30/11/2013 05:58 - United States - Edinburg

Today, I'm staying with my in-laws. My husband is fighting with his dad, who's fighting with his brother-in-law, who's fighting with his wife. The only ones not fighting are my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, who're getting along great on a squeaky mattress in the room next to mine. FML

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By snowbunny - 12/2/2010 02:14 - United States

Today, I bundled up to shovel my car out of almost 2 feet of snow, only to find my car was gone. I ran into the nearby police station to report my stolen car. The policeman trudged down with me to get a report. I had parked my car on the other side of the street. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2015 02:08 - United States - Gardnerville

Today, I found the eggshells from the nest belonging to the little bird that lives outside my house. They were covered in blood and it was quite obvious that they had been eaten. While I was looking at them, the mother bird came over and attacked me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/2/2010 11:58 - New Zealand

Today, at the supermarket, I ignored the "Riding on trolleys down the ramp is strictly prohibited" sign. While going full speed down the ramp, my trolley with $200 worth of groceries in it tipped and crashed. Luckily, I broke its fall. FML

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By Ouch - 14/11/2018 05:00

Today, I tried to break up a fight between two of my coworkers. They decided to show their gratitude by smashing me in the face with a thick ceramic dish. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 08:21 - United States

Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2018 20:36

Today, I worked security by myself in an office, which meant I had to eat at the desk and wasn't allowed to leave. I got written up for my husband dropping off my lunch. FML

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By nightmare ass - 15/5/2019 06:11

Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/2/2010 14:19 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I went out for dinner with some friends to a new restaurant. As I was finishing the soup, I noticed a small curly hair at the bottom of the soup. The chef is bald. FML

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By NeverDrinkingAgain - 9/12/2010 12:31 - Canada

Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML

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By girlgirlinsanity - 25/7/2010 11:09 - United States

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

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Top comments

By WhyworldWhy | 0

#653207 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:32

Who figured it out, you or your girlfriend while she was using your phone?

By schinthalapuri | 0

#653281 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 2:04

This is the first good fml I've read in a long time

COMMENTS

By WhyworldWhy | 0

#653207 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:32

Who figured it out, you or your girlfriend while she was using your phone?

Reply

stfubp | 0

#966599 - Tuesday 23 March 2010 5:31

ouch! fyl but lmfao!!!!!!

Reply

Muthalecka | 1

#3113896 - Monday 15 August 2011 19:05

Lol what a good friend she is

Reply

SomeBossOnHere | 5

#3813500 - Sunday 1 January 2012 2:31

She's not her friend dip.

Reply

DAyBriGHTEneR | 0

#4331291 - Friday 20 April 2012 15:41

maybe ex girlfriend getting revenge

Reply

delude | 26

#5945579 - Thursday 15 May 2014 7:16

I'm pretty sure the woman put up the post and just used a random number which happened to be his

By xxorganizedmess | 0

#653208 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:33

Ouch. Just plain ouch. You're gonna be in troubllllllle...
(heh, no. I'd hope you would at the very least delete them ASAP and also change your phone number)

Reply

IamAbc | 2

#3858951 - Tuesday 10 January 2012 4:16

Why would they send pictures not like they would get anything in return. :/

Reply

Sacytrl | 28

#5445909 - Friday 12 April 2013 18:57

They're hoping to get picked on by that "woman"

By chickyblue | 0

#653228 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:41

How exactly is your life fucked because of this? Just push delete all.

By VirtuallyUnbreak | 0

#653242 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:45

Next on To Catch a Predator...

By JassyJas | 2

#653268 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 1:58

did you like the pictures?

By schinthalapuri | 0

#653281 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 2:04

This is the first good fml I've read in a long time

By Dubstep_fml | 1

#653301 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 2:19

that sucks bro.

By jw90 | 18

#653324 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 2:31

it's all fun and games untill you have to look at another dudes balls....omg that's so funny damn she's one smart ass bitch if ya ask me. WTF did ya do to piss her off?

By perdix | 29

#653358 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 2:47

What's the number?

Good thing I found that iPhone app that gives your camera the ability to zoom.

I'm sure she'll want some old dude junk to balance out that underage stuff.

Please give that lady her phone back.

By jonny2x4 | 0

#653362 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 2:49

You need to watch out. If one of those kids parents finds out, they're going to call the cops. Once they trace the # to you, you can be charged with felony possession of child pornography since the boys are minors. You would then have to register as a sex offender in your state. Change you # NOW!