Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my...

By Mycardoesn'tevenwork - 22/2/2016 20:16 - United States

Today, I was in a car accident on the way to work. I called my boss and told him I had to deal with the police and the accident report and didn't know how long it would take. He got mad and said I "should have picked a better time to do this". FML

I agree, your life sucks

21884

You deserved it

1480

Favorite

Transportation

Rock, hard place

Basic Instinct

Ambien conversations are the worst

By burnt38392 - 24/12/2010 19:36 - United States

Today, as a means of getting over my abusive ex, I decided to write his name on a piece of paper and light it on fire. As I lit the paper up, I noticed the marker ink had bled through it. The paper is gone, but his name is forever engraved on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32395

You deserved it

19483

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/9/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I saw a weight loss 'before and after' advertisement and I wished I could at least look like the 'before'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38326

You deserved it

24032

Favorite

By justhatelife - 9/12/2016 14:49 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my coworker got angry at a mean customer. She came to the back, where I work, and started punching the wall repeatedly. When I tried to intervene and stop her from breaking her hand she punched me in the stomach and uppercut me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9209

You deserved it

1281

Favorite

By ex-wife - 25/5/2018 09:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4477

You deserved it

269

Favorite

By CandlesSuck - 2/11/2009 03:44 - Canada

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16767

You deserved it

29239

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/9/2017 06:00

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6409

You deserved it

2068

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/5/2019 20:05

Today, my social life consists of eavesdropping on my two coworkers chatting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1420

You deserved it

406

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/7/2019 18:01 - United States

Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on an LGBT arranged marriage site. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1248

You deserved it

373

Favorite

By Ouch - 29/7/2009 05:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46136

You deserved it

6781

Favorite

By fuck_thisshit - 9/11/2009 10:27 - Australia

Today, we got our results for our final grade English paper on which I worked my butt off on, and also which I let my best-friend copy off from. I received a E- and two detentions for plagiarism. My friend got a A minus. All she said was "oh well, at least you tried your best". FML

I agree, your life sucks

16268

You deserved it

53643

Favorite

By what - 26/11/2010 19:17 - United States

Today, while shopping, a few giggling girls came up to me and asked why I was wearing a dress in public. Highly confused, I didn't answer. When they walked away laughing, I realized they thought I was a man. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37353

You deserved it

4110

Favorite

By jackelking - 25/5/2009 08:33 - United States

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61900

You deserved it

6888

Favorite

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/6/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35018

You deserved it

2521

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/10/2013 03:00 - United States - Decatur

Today, my parents favoritism towards my brother really shone through when we moved house and he got the nicest and by far biggest room. I wouldn't mind, but my brother is in college overseas and never comes home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48257

You deserved it

2669

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/1/2014 07:34 - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23915

You deserved it

53802

Favorite

By bored - 12/9/2019 00:02

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself

Today, I found a deck of Uno cards. Being extremely bored, I decided to put them in order. I now know EXACTLY which cards I'm missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1121

You deserved it

339

Favorite

By gircos - 30/4/2014 00:10 - United States - Westerly

Today, I learned my girlfriend was cheating on me. After giving her a second chance and meeting her parents for the first time, her father said at the dinner table, "I like the other guy better." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47173

You deserved it

7276

Favorite

By Preggobride - 14/8/2018 23:35

Today, I am 7 weeks pregnant and dealing with severe morning sickness. Not to worry though, it should get better at 14 weeks, right after I get back from my honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1828

You deserved it

561

Favorite

By keeks_25 - 8/5/2009 20:53 - Canada

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

84668

You deserved it

25850

Favorite

By NoTattoo - 12/8/2015 17:50

Today, my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me because I refused to get her name tattooed on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30258

You deserved it

2438

Favorite

By anythingjean - 25/5/2009 21:46 - Canada

Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled back. After a couple of stops, he got off the bus. He bumped into me, turned around, apologized, and winked. I stood there feeling good about myself. Then I realized he stole my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64483

You deserved it

9705

Favorite

By karengoeswest - 16/8/2018 15:00

Today, my coworker was talking about how he's met the man of his dreams and they've been dating for 3 months. He showed me a picture of them at Niagara Falls last weekend. His new boyfriend is my husband, who was supposedly on a business trip in Boston. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4838

You deserved it

252

Favorite

By skid - 2/6/2015 14:59 - United States - Champaign

Today, I took part in a bouquet toss. The "single ladies" consisted of myself and several girls under the age of ten. I'm 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29953

You deserved it

3075

Favorite

By cstokes - 5/5/2011 04:44 - United States

Today, at work, I was supposed to have an easy two-hour shift, after which I was planning on attending a party that had been arranged to celebrate my graduation. Nearly six hours later, I am just getting home after being super busy and shorthanded at work for hours. I missed my own party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34173

You deserved it

3413

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/6/2013 16:58 - Finland - Nykarleby

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47061

You deserved it

3358

Favorite

By Anon - 13/6/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47427

You deserved it

7290

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/2/2014 18:39 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I asked my sister what she thought of my boyfriend. She said, "He's nice. Deserves better than you, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46929

You deserved it

6246

Favorite

By radiationkillz - 21/3/2011 04:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought several bottles of Potassium Iodine pills and a gas mask, due to the radiation scare from Japan. We live in Texas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44149

You deserved it

7274

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/1/2013 06:10 - United States - Batesville

Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20395

You deserved it

42469

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/8/2012 05:51 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27400

You deserved it

4053

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 20:55 - United States

Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27979

You deserved it

9874

Favorite

By soy_un_perderdor - 13/12/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, it's Saturday. While all my friends go out to have fun, I get my excitement thinking about how I'll be sleeping with a new pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28623

You deserved it

6739

Favorite

By punchedhelper - 20/6/2012 23:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25114

You deserved it

4058

Favorite

By innocent - 6/1/2015 03:11 - United States

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43834

You deserved it

3316

Favorite

By Inez333 - 3/4/2019 02:00

Today, I finally got to see my favorite aunt after months of her living far away with her new boyfriend. She now believes the Earth is flat, gravity is fake, the government is run by reptiles, and that vaccines are the devil themselves. She won't stop trying to convince me of her conspiracies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2370

You deserved it

142

Favorite

By vhtdgjj - 29/11/2010 18:26 - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13264

You deserved it

46765

Favorite

By ShamedJP - 3/4/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30191

You deserved it

86243

Favorite

By CreepedOut - 9/3/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33938

You deserved it

2790

Favorite

By genderbender - 17/11/2010 01:21 - Reserved

Today, I went to the new gym I recently signed up for and started exercising in the men-filled weights room, despite being intimidated by them and the strange looks they were giving me. Workout over, I left the room and saw in front of me a door marked "Women's weights room". Oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13888

You deserved it

26936

Favorite

By :( - 2/3/2016 14:13 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had a Chinese test. Our teacher decided to wait until yesterday to tell us about it because she "knew" we wouldn't study anyway and she didn't want to stress us out. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20165

You deserved it

1969

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ruckfules85 | 34

#6542822 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:08

"Sorry my car wreck was inconvenient for you. I will be sure to schedule my next accident better in the future."

By Mylehz | 13

#6542820 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:08

I don't understand how bosses think such things can even be controlled.

COMMENTS

By kamr3n | 13

#6542817 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:06

Maybe you really "should quit that job."

By EyesofStone | 27

#6542818 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:07

Maybe he was having a bad day and lashed out. I'm sure later on he'll be more understanding.

By Mylehz | 13

#6542820 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:08

I don't understand how bosses think such things can even be controlled.

meunluckycharms | 16

#6542956 - Tuesday 23 February 2016 5:18

I don't understand how some bosses get ahold of their position

By ruckfules85 | 34

#6542822 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:08

"Sorry my car wreck was inconvenient for you. I will be sure to schedule my next accident better in the future."

By ComoEsJuan | 24

#6542824 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:08

Was the other driver shitting themselves?

bstarqueen | 16

#6542833 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:10

LOL

By noah_1234 | 24

#6542831 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:10

When would be a better time to get in an accident?

By ThePaperDragon | 31

#6542832 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:10

I really hate when my plans for ruining my car interfere with my work schedule.

By iiTzNeeNerz | 26

#6542834 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:11

I mean, who schedules a wreck in their calendar without setting the alarm to go with it or consulting with their boss prior to it...
You only have yourself to blame, OP.

By nash1991 | 20

#6542835 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:11

Next time you get into an accident, call to make an appointment with the other driver otherwise it's just rude

By tigerthepredator | 16

#6542836 - Monday 22 February 2016 23:12

How dare you get into a serious car crash that could've cost you your life and lots of money. YDI for not picking a better time to randomly crash.