Intimacy: Today, a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in...

By Jack

Today, a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in his cubicle. The first thing I see on the screen when he logs me onto it is an anime porn game with tentacles. My boss walks by, stares at me and then laughs uncontrollably. FML

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Intimacy

Proactive

Our house, in the middle of our street

Father material

By p-man - United States

Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

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By nrelavender - United States

Today, is the anniversary of my cat's death, so I went to visit her grave in the pet cemetery. Someone had spray-painted "Your cat sucks" on her grave. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Peoria

Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML

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By flimflam - United States

Today, the elevator broke in my dorm and won't be fixed for several days. I live on the 26th floor. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, I was crying at my desk at work. My colleague tried to cheer me up by saying: "Don't worry, I'm sure you will find a new job soon". I didn't even know I was fired. I was crying because my cat died this morning. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

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By deven - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I talked to my boss about scheduling my urgently needed surgery. She asked me to wait until after Christmas, and told me that I should use vacation time instead of sick leave. She's also not going to give me the total paid time off my contract specifies, because it's "inconvenient." FML

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By hadtocleanthemess - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

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By Kat - United States

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

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By SickBoi - 30/3/2021 14:01 - United States - Cambridge

Hot lava from both ends

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Merrillville

Today, I announced to my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He immediately denied that it was his because "a childhood accident" supposedly left him sterile. He has a child from a previous relationship. FML

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By noname - France

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

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By carriageway - United States - Newport News

After sleepover

Today, I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday. It was great, but after sleeping on their pull out couch, I woke up with six pimples on my face and a rash on my back. FML

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1937

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By bobby - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks I'm too high maintenance because I have a chronic illness which requires frequent hospitalization. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my Dad and I killed a cockroach with a large metal pole. It was the most bonding experience we have ever had. FML

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By suppressinggags - United States - Kennett

Today, I found out that my stepsister loves sticking random household objects in her ear in an attempt to collect ear wax. I found out when I walked in on her trying to pick all the wax out of the bristles of my toothbrush. FML

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By Worst Way To Get Promoted

Promoted!

Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML

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By nick - Canada

Today, working my pizza delivery job, I got a $45 parking ticket for parking in a no stopping zone. I argued with the bylaw enforcement officer, but no luck. I was so pissed, I yelled at him: "You have the worst job in the world", to which he replied: " Buddy, you deliver pizza!" FML

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By anonymous - Canada - Kitchener

Today, for some reason entirely beyond my knowledge, Siri referred to me as "Sugartits". FML

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By Bob - United States - New Bedford

Today, after saving for months to have a few hundred bucks set aside, the government sent me a car tax bill from 2010. Yep, 8 years ago. They want the interest on the bill too. Broke again. FML

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By lisacasabonita - United States

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, 'I wish you liked anal.' FML

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By shadysheikh - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML

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By Grad Student

Today, I found out that I have to take a weekly workshop outside of class time all semester, and it's only offered on the day I have the most work hours. I barely make ends meet as it is, but the professor said to figure it out or fail. FML

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By maddie - 14/3/2021 21:30

A slight hiccup

Today, I got the hiccups at work no fewer than ten times in a row. I'm a cashier and not allowed to leave to go get water. Not only that, but I was called into the office to discuss my “drinking problem.” I don’t drink. FML

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By mafiaguy800

Today, I woke up to see my four year-old brother with a sharpie, trying to play “Connect the Dots” with my acne. FML

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1398

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By Anonymous - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

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By daddysjudy92

Today, after being hospitalized last week due to a severe mental breakdown, my mom is still mad at me for missing her big solo at church. She had even tried to demand I be released from the hospital for it. She's still going on about how she thinks I missed it on purpose. FML

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By carr - France

Today, my mother noticed that I hadn't taken the trash out in a few weeks and angry, piled various full trash bags on my bed. I've been away on holiday for the past three weeks, I guess she didn't notice that part. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, I took a very expensive flight to New York City for a job interview. I waited in my hotel room all day for the phone call to go to my once in a lifetime interview. By noon I was nervous, eight I was pissed. Around ten I realized my phone was still in airplane mode. FML

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By ShiddyDiddy

Today, my girlfriend's obsession with her bird reached a new level when she wrote him a song specifically for after he poops. FML

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By offrampmotel

Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML

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6232

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By Broke - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while I was waiting to pull out of a parking space, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to put the car into reverse instead of drive while I was waiting for traffic to clear. I don't think the people who own the car behind me were laughing. Nor is my now ex-boyfriend. FML

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29970

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By ghoul

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

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By nametag - Canada

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

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By Duchess

Today, I found out I have a yeast infection, a bladder infection, and a urinary tract infection all at the same time. Oh, and I also have the flu. FML

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By yuna - 5/4/2021 22:59

Mouthwatering

Today, I discovered that I have a condition in which saliva frequently falls out of my mouth for no apparent reason. I’m 17. FML

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By Madeline Lee - France - Pessac

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

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Top comments

By Trace01m | 11

#1773702 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

that guy planned it

By Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#1773700 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

so did your coworker like frame you?

COMMENTS

By Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#1773700 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

so did your coworker like frame you?

Doortje | 29

#1773740 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:09

Yes, he like did.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1774019 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:03

I love that game! What's his/your high score?

imcutefml | 0

#1774142 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:25

lol^

xXDubbleChic | 11

#1774209 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:48

#1 I'm going to steal it dog!!!!

zkchild | 0

#1774359 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 19:25

Sounds like something New Grounds would have lol

Zya_fml | 8

#1777530 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 8:24

26 - you're obviously a wannabe and that's obviously not your picture...

pwincessa23 | 1

#1778196 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 11:15

48, neither is yours...

pwincessa23 | 1

#1778204 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 11:16

I meant 47*

damian25 | 0

#1781775 - Thursday 2 December 2010 5:10

even if you right how can you tell?

fakeaccountX | 6

#1898916 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 1:53

What's a "cubical"?

puppytaco64 | 8

#3318279 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 22:17

#62 FACE PALM....

mlwalker88 | 18

#4415810 - Thursday 10 May 2012 7:14

It's "cubicle"...I should know, I spend 9 hours a day in one M-F.

SomeRussianGirl | 3

#4442967 - Wednesday 16 May 2012 18:08

49 Ur hot…

By Trace01m | 11

#1773702 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

that guy planned it

By Hermoine | 3

#1773706 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

sucks

By jackalope069 | 0

#1773708 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

haha why didn't you tell your boss?

By TwoFootedMan | 0

#1773727 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:08

ha I like this one :)

By xVictoriaDreamz | 0

#1773749 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:10

I would have laughed too, Fail(:

By BDTM | 0

#1773779 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:13

did you play it? ;)

By perdix | 29

#1773803 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:16

I hope in exchange the other guy can teach you to spell "cubicle."

Was the boss laughing over how much he's going to enjoy firing your ass?

jchatrini | 0

#1773844 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:22

dude ur mean ... shhh

zoraman5 | 3

#1774202 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:44

10 Win :3

AquanTheDragon | 5

#5913851 - Monday 14 April 2014 2:30

You must be unfamiliar with the immortal and divine being known as Perdix, #12.

By The_Creeper_fml | 8

#1773823 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:17

Shoulda said that it was in his "official work business of hard work" file.

By rhm2084 | 1

#1773864 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:26

send me that game pls :P