Today, a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in...

By Jack - 30/11/2010 08:48

Today, a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in his cubicle. The first thing I see on the screen when he logs me onto it is an anime porn game with tentacles. My boss walks by, stares at me and then laughs uncontrollably. FML

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Intimacy

Ghosted

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Banished

By ThisIsGonnaBeAwkward - 6/12/2011 15:36 - United States

Today, I discovered that the word 'randy' means 'horny' in England. I'm going to England next semester to study abroad. My name is Randy. FML

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By Noname - 12/3/2009 19:56 - United States

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2019 05:19 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was too tired for sex, which she interpreted as me confessing to not wanting to have sex with her because I’m having sex with other women. FML

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By desperate - 5/10/2012 09:47 - Malta - Paola

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

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By mrmr - 7/2/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and the glass sliding door was jammed. I tugged it, and it shattered all over me. I was naked. FML

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By xxx - 3/9/2017 04:29

Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML

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By thanks, cunt-o - 1/3/2014 17:23 - Australia - Blackburn

Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML

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By cerulean - 10/10/2017 01:30

Today, a nurse berated me for not being able to lift my leg myself so she could put a cast on. My leg is broken in two places. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 06:29 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2016 13:52 - Madagascar

Today, nearly six months later, my incompetent, lazy coworker still refuses to believe I didn't screw my way to the promotion both of us were competing for. FML

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By Tally - 24/9/2009 16:16 - Canada

Today, I got flowers at work. I was excited until I saw they were from my good friend saying, "Sorry for sleeping with your boyfriend!" FML

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By fucking fuck it fucking hurts - 21/12/2012 22:41 - United States

Today, after nearly a week of awful pain in my right lung, I finally went to see a doctor about it. When I mentioned my history of lung problems and suggested it could be pneumonia, he told me to "leave the diagnosing to the professionals" and ended up claiming I have acid reflux. FML

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By spekledworf - 5/8/2014 23:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2009 07:39 - Australia

Today, at the breakfast table my mum asked me what I thought about the plumber who came to our place a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I thought he was really cute and how hard I tried to flirt with him, she nodded and told me that he is her new boyfriend and might move in with us soon. FML

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By greg - 14/2/2018 01:30

Today, my mother sued me for whiplash in a car accident that was her fault. She screamed to stop so I slammed on the brakes and the car behind ran into us. It wasn't an emergency; she just thought she saw her friend at the bus stop. It wasn't even her. FML

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By justgreat - 24/3/2012 02:30 - United States - Opa Locka

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

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By promdump - 7/3/2009 02:55 - United States

Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML

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By nick - 12/1/2015 08:23 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

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By Username - 3/10/2010 00:12 - France

Today, my boyfriend wanted to prove how honest he is so he showed me numerous texts in his phone where he told other women he was in a relationship before asking them to sleep with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2010 09:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I realized that I'm so bored of my relationship with my girlfriend, I'd rather make sure I don't break the springs in my bed than make love to her. FML

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By Dang-ItsDanielle - 7/3/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I was pushing my 4 year old on the swing. I did what we call our "under doggie push": I throw her up in the air while I run underneath her before she hits me coming back down. I walked away to get my water and she yelled across the park "Can we do it doggie-style again?" FML

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By christine brown - 26/8/2011 12:03 - United States

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

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By superficialheart - 21/1/2012 11:59 - China

Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML

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By Firepussy911 - 14/6/2018 06:22

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

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By justanothergamergirl - 17/4/2019 20:00

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I decided to try online gaming, as it's something I've never done before. I already have a creep stalking me because I mentioned I was single and he is a horny virgin. Remind me never to talk about my lack of love life online again. FML

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By cocokiss410 - 28/7/2011 04:34 - United States

Today, while I was at work, a co-worker watched while some kid stole the radio out of my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2012 14:50 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I had to explain to my 22-year-old boyfriend that mice do not grow up to be rats. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2015 19:58 - United States - Macomb

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, my sister brought her class hamster home from school. Somehow it escaped from its cage, and ran into my room. My boyfriend, thinking it was a mouse, stomped on it. I'm stuck cleaning hamster guts from my carpet, and explaining to a kindergarten class what happened to their pet. FML

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By alison - 4/7/2015 05:02 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

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By Yoda - 8/7/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my drunk father chased me down the street with my little brother's light saber screaming, "Come back Yoda! Teach me how to use the force!" FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2011 21:15 - United States

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

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By Tyrez - 14/8/2015 23:38 - United States - Boulder

Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

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By Dying Whale - 2/3/2017 04:00

Today, I tried singing in front of my friend. She said, "That's a hilarious voice! You should use that voice when telling jokes!" FML

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By Swatted - 17/2/2015 06:39 - United States - Sparks

Today, a model I've been working on for an art competition was declined. They thought I was being insensitive and "rudely glorifying 9/11". My model was about the ending scene of King Kong. I spent twenty hours on that model. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2018 20:30

Today, I got a check for $100 for a random selecting at work. My boyfriend’s reaction? Light it on fire out of jealously. FML

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By juliestrawsky - 5/8/2019 04:00

Today, I was paid to be in a commercial, playing a hiker, camping and grilling by a tent with my pretend boyfriend. To make our on-camera interaction more believable, I suggested to him, "Hey, I'm gonna feed you some food, into your mouth." His answer, "Naaah, I'm good." I got rejected on a FAKE date. FML

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By Toooldforthisshit - 9/12/2018 11:30 - United States - New London

Today, I found out the girl my boyfriend was seeing just before me, is pregnant... FML

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By you're shitting me - 27/5/2013 05:05 - Australia

Today, after months of tests for mystery nerve pain, I went to get more blood taken only to leave the clinic with an empty tin to collect my bowel movements for the next 72 hours. Which needs to be refrigerated. I live with 4 other people, with one fridge. FML

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Top comments

By Trace01m | 11

#1773702 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

that guy planned it

By Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#1773700 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

so did your coworker like frame you?

COMMENTS

By Lifeisntfair13 | 0

#1773700 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

so did your coworker like frame you?

Doortje | 28

#1773740 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:09

Yes, he like did.

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#1774019 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:03

I love that game! What's his/your high score?

imcutefml | 0

#1774142 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:25

lol^

xXDubbleChic | 11

#1774209 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:48

#1 I'm going to steal it dog!!!!

zkchild | 0

#1774359 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 19:25

Sounds like something New Grounds would have lol

Zya_fml | 8

#1777530 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 8:24

26 - you're obviously a wannabe and that's obviously not your picture...

pwincessa23 | 1

#1778196 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 11:15

48, neither is yours...

pwincessa23 | 1

#1778204 - Wednesday 1 December 2010 11:16

I meant 47*

damian25 | 0

#1781775 - Thursday 2 December 2010 5:10

even if you right how can you tell?

fakeaccountX | 6

#1898916 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 1:53

What's a "cubical"?

puppytaco64 | 8

#3318279 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 22:17

#62 FACE PALM....

mlwalker88 | 18

#4415810 - Thursday 10 May 2012 7:14

It's "cubicle"...I should know, I spend 9 hours a day in one M-F.

SomeRussianGirl | 3

#4442967 - Wednesday 16 May 2012 18:08

49 Ur hot…

By Trace01m | 11

#1773702 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

that guy planned it

By Hermoine | 3

#1773706 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

sucks

By jackalope069 | 0

#1773708 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

haha why didn't you tell your boss?

By TwoFootedMan | 0

#1773727 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:08

ha I like this one :)

By xVictoriaDreamz | 0

#1773749 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:10

I would have laughed too, Fail(:

By BDTM | 0

#1773779 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:13

did you play it? ;)

By perdix | 29

#1773803 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:16

I hope in exchange the other guy can teach you to spell "cubicle."

Was the boss laughing over how much he's going to enjoy firing your ass?

jchatrini | 0

#1773844 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:22

dude ur mean ... shhh

zoraman5 | 3

#1774202 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:44

10 Win :3

AquanTheDragon | 5

#5913851 - Monday 14 April 2014 2:30

You must be unfamiliar with the immortal and divine being known as Perdix, #12.

By The_Creeper_fml | 8

#1773823 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:17

Shoulda said that it was in his "official work business of hard work" file.

By rhm2084 | 1

#1773864 - Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:26

send me that game pls :P