Intimacy: Today, a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 19

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 129

30/11/2010 08:48

Today, a guy at my work asked if I could fix his computer in his cubicle. The first thing I see on the screen when he logs me onto it is an anime porn game with tentacles. My boss walks by, stares at me and then laughs uncontrollably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 738

You deserved it 3 679

Intimacy

Coherence dude, do you have it?

What a cult

It's not unusual

30/03/2009 18:08

Today, my mom has been calling me every ten minutes, asking me questions about her new computer. She called me at work, and I rudely answered her question. She called back, talked to my boss, saying she was a customer that called in, and I was rude to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 103

You deserved it 16 719

Not going well, is it?

By Anonymous - 24/03/2021 20:00

Today, I've been married for six months, my husband and I are in our early twenties, and not only does he have absolutely no interest in any kind of sexual act with me, he actually becomes angry and irritated when I try to come on to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 191

Please don't do this

By Anonymous - 17/03/2010 15:38

Today, I took my girlfriend of five and a half years to family dinner at a restaurant. After we all had finished dessert, I got down on one knee, pulled out my great grandmother's ring and proposed. The entire restaurant was dead silent. She looked around and then slowly walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 026

You deserved it 6 666

12/02/2013 20:15

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 327

You deserved it 4 385

24/05/2012 19:23

Today, I was eating lunch, and accidentally got ketchup on the sofa, so I hastily doused it with stain remover. The ketchup is now no longer there; however there is a larger stain in its place. I stained the sofa with stain remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 215

You deserved it 4 721

17/10/2010 08:13

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the vet after she had surgery. I somehow managed to lock my keys, my purse, and my dog in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 083

You deserved it 23 536

20/08/2011 09:20

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 366

You deserved it 2 664

30/09/2010 08:04

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 626

You deserved it 3 193

Teacher's pet

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 08:01

Today, I finally found out why I never got invited to parties in college. My fellow students considered me too ambitious to want to do anything but study hard. The reason they thought that? I tended to be present and on time for classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 94

Rat Race

By mcd - 05/10/2020 08:01

Today, at work, a man punched me in the face because he said I took his son's job. He meant both me and his son applied for the same job. He also asked to speak to my boss, because he thinks I "cheated." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 251

You deserved it 59

19/02/2011 05:22

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house and sat around while he played video games. He turned to me and could see I was annoyed. Then he told his friends on XBox Live that he needed a 10 minute break to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 914

You deserved it 8 562

12/02/2013 08:04

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 734

You deserved it 18 942

30/11/2011 23:46

Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 195

You deserved it 3 440

08/09/2012 11:38

Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 355

You deserved it 2 544

18/08/2009 16:34

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 503

You deserved it 66 981

15/05/2018 01:30

Today, I really had to pee at work and rushed to the urinal. I unzipped but couldn't find the hole in the front of my boxers and ended up pissing my pants. I had put my boxers on backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 411

You deserved it 3 619

07/01/2009 15:07

Today, I was just taking a wank with my laptop on low battery. Almost finished when my laptop died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 443

You deserved it 56 352

28/01/2019 06:00

Today, my girlfriend and I went on a date. I went to the bathroom. When I came back, she was sitting at a different table flirting with a guy that looked twice as old as her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 463

You deserved it 218

Seize the means

By pygmyfrog - 10/12/2020 14:02

Today, I watched a supervisor in our workspace staple an underling's skirt to her shirt, as the supervisor didn't like her wearing a hip-level skirt, despite having no public contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 64

17/09/2014 20:07

Today, I was eating a hot fudge sundae and I complained that the fudge was at the very bottom and I couldn't reach it with my spoon. My husband muttered "Fat girl problems." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 989

You deserved it 13 107

18/10/2010 12:23

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 974

You deserved it 3 325

19/07/2015 09:02

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 785

You deserved it 2 237

17/04/2015 19:50

Today, my boss showed me a two-page letter from a customer, complaining about me because I couldn't honor a coupon that expired in 2009. He agreed that I did the right thing by refusing it, but said it would be a black mark on my record anyway due to the complaint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 264

You deserved it 1 935

My brain hates me

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 10:01

Today, I had my third incapacitating headache this week. This has been happening for months. Pain killers and other remedies seem to work at random, if at all. Nobody has been able to tell me the cause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 46

05/04/2009 19:15

Today, I went to a club with a couple of my friends. I met a really cute guy and we were getting along pretty well. We eventually exchanged numbers. Later on I decided to call him and set up a date. The number he gave me was the Rejection Hotline number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 953

You deserved it 9 157

16/11/2010 08:07

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 462

You deserved it 8 691

22/05/2019 20:00

Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde. Turns out, green hair doesn't suit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 543

13/12/2013 03:47

Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 257

You deserved it 2 816

20/09/2011 07:24

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 172

You deserved it 5 126

29/10/2010 23:53

Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 101

You deserved it 6 878

25/05/2019 04:00

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head. When I came, she was scared of the "stuff" that came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 088

You deserved it 364

Running gag

By TheJoker - 12/05/2009 05:25

Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped, grabbed the ball for the kid and went to hand it to him. He then yelled, "Stranger danger!" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 672

You deserved it 3 191

15/01/2009 01:47

Today, I was trying to finish an english assignment and I was not sure how to complete it. So I emailed my teacher asking and she said flip over the assignment handout page for instructions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 575

You deserved it 28 334

22/03/2012 04:46

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 754

You deserved it 6 908

11/08/2011 05:44

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 094

You deserved it 7 164

17/02/2013 06:45

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 550

You deserved it 10 079

24/10/2015 18:04

Today, I walked 2 miles to the store, filled my cart with groceries, and got to the cashier only to find I had forgotten my wallet. I tried to explain but got the nastiest stank-eye from the cashier, the manager and everyone in line behind me. I walked 2 miles home, hungry and embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 608

You deserved it 4 270

27/02/2012 12:29

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 981

You deserved it 3 743

Rod Stewart was wrong

By WTF Lady? - 08/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was walking down my street when a girl came up behind me and started yelling about me being a slut. When she saw I was the wrong person, she continued to yell at me because I have blonde hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 139

13/09/2012 05:19

Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 732

You deserved it 24 101

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Top comments

Trace01m 11

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

that guy planned it

Lifeisntfair13 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

so did your coworker like frame you?

Comments

Lifeisntfair13 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

so did your coworker like frame you?

Doortje 29

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:09

Yes, he like did.

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:03

I love that game! What's his/your high score?

imcutefml 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:25

lol^

xXDubbleChic 11

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:48

#1 I'm going to steal it dog!!!!

zkchild 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 19:25

Sounds like something New Grounds would have lol

Zya_fml 8

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Wednesday 1 December 2010 8:24

26 - you're obviously a wannabe and that's obviously not your picture...

pwincessa23 1

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Wednesday 1 December 2010 11:15

48, neither is yours...

pwincessa23 1

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Wednesday 1 December 2010 11:16

I meant 47*

damian25 0

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Thursday 2 December 2010 5:10

even if you right how can you tell?

fakeaccountX 6

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 1:53

What's a "cubical"?

puppytaco64 8

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Tuesday 20 September 2011 22:17

#62 FACE PALM....

mlwalker88 18

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Thursday 10 May 2012 7:14

It's "cubicle"...I should know, I spend 9 hours a day in one M-F.

SomeRussianGirl 3

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Wednesday 16 May 2012 18:08

49 Ur hot…

Trace01m 11

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

that guy planned it

Hermoine 3

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

sucks

jackalope069 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:05

haha why didn't you tell your boss?

TwoFootedMan 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:08

ha I like this one :)

xVictoriaDreamz 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:10

I would have laughed too, Fail(:

BDTM 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:13

did you play it? ;)

perdix 29

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:16

I hope in exchange the other guy can teach you to spell "cubicle." Was the boss laughing over how much he's going to enjoy firing your ass?

jchatrini 0

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:22

dude ur mean ... shhh

zoraman5 3

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 17:44

10 Win :3

AquanTheDragon 5

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Monday 14 April 2014 2:30

You must be unfamiliar with the immortal and divine being known as Perdix, #12.

The_Creeper_fml 8

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:17

Shoulda said that it was in his "official work business of hard work" file.

rhm2084 1

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Tuesday 30 November 2010 16:26

send me that game pls :P