Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother told me I've gained so much weight recently, she thinks I should get gastric bypass surgery. FML
Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML
Today, I told my mom I lost 30 pounds because of an eating disorder. She told me to keep up the good work. FML
Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML
Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML
Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML
Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML
Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML
Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Don't leave us hanging, OP, what happened? Was it curtains for her cooter, or does the pendulum still swing?
saIty 17
Tell her to pull it back with some rubberbands and clothespins.
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Comments (100)
perdix 31
It must be tough to find out one of your parents is a swinger.
AholeCop 11
I'm not sure what she expected from you. "Nice try mom! How do I know your turkey neck wasn't already hanging? Just push it up and staple it like everyone else."
winkydog4056 16
Nooooo! This is wrong, just plain wrong! Mothers, lap band or not, should NOT be discussing their cooters/va-jay-jays/hoo-has, with their offspring, unless they want to pay for therapy after they've mentally scarred them for life.
laden_swallow09 35
This is a valid concern.
HEATNATION 10
No, thank YOU for that image.. FML
lemonademixer 7
And the Awk- Award goes to....
Maybe1 2
AWWWWK - WAAAARD - the call of the Awk Bird (Native to disturbing situations.
natsaysheyyy 16
More like FHL. If she now has a saggy ******, then that really freaking sucks...
Samuel5463 12
What's a cooter